‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Twelve

Now, let’s see if I can remember any of those ancient verses, the ones I used to put a circle of protection around myself, to keep Mama’s ghost out.

Bide larma…No, that doesn’t sound right.

Bide lirma oda kaitan…Was that it? No.

How about Bidi lirma oda kaitan…? I think that’s closer to it, but how does the rest of the verse go?

The fact that I don’t have the materials to make the circle–the chalk to draw it, the ruler to draw straight lines for the pentacle, and the candles to light up–isn’t exactly helping me here.

I’ll try again: Bidi lirma ota kaitan

Wait a minute: was that even from the right verse?

No! That was from the verses meant to send Mama to Hell and lock her up there. I’ve already done that, and she’s brought me here with her, too. By saying that verse, if I’m even saying it right, I’m only reinforcing my problem!

I need to remember the verse I used to say to create a zone of protection that she can’t enter. What I said when I went to the store to buy the amulet and sachet. What was it? She’s making me forget, that’s for sure.

Still, I have to try to remember it. It’s my only hope.

Oh, God, it’s so dark here. Endlessly black, all around me.

I can still hear the thumping of the elephants’ feet. Aunt Jane, that man, and the staff from the mental hospital are still trying to find me in this stinky rectum of a hiding place. It’s only a matter of time before they find me and take me back to the nut house.

Oh, what are those words I have to chant?

Wana…bagga…waiko? Is that how it begins?

Wana bagga waiko, Inan suchi zdago…I think.

Kala bodi gana, Sibako wuli…zulu? No, at least one or two of the words are wrong, because I don’t feel any safer. I’m still in the smelly black pit. But which words am I saying wrong?

I can’t give up. I’ve got to keep trying–not just for myself, but for the sake of the world, which I have to save from Mama’s magic! Now, what were those words?

Maybe if I try different combinations of vowels and consonants, I’ll eventually luck out and say the right combination, like monkeys typing forever and ever until they finally compose a novel. It’s a ridiculous thing to do, but I’m so desperate here, I can’t think of any other way to get the words right. Here goes:

Wana baka waigo,
Inan kushi zdega,
Kala bodi gana.
Sibako woli zulu.

No, still no circle of protection. I’m still trapped in infinite black. But I think I’m coming closer to saying the right words. As I do this, altering the words little by little, I think I’m beginning to remember them better.

But maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m wrong.

Still, I’ve got to keep trying.

Wana baka waigo,
Imam kuchi zdega
Kalu bodi gana.
Sibako woli zulu.

Still not right! Every word has to be perfect, or else I get nothing! Oh, how am I going to get this right? Still, I have to try:

Wana baka waigo,
Iman kuchi zdega
Kalu bodi gana.
Sibako woli…zulu.

Still wrong! I have a feeling that this time, I almost got it right. Still, it cannot be even the slightest bit wrong, or else this effort is all in vain. I’ll bet Mama’s ghost is tampering with my memory, making me forget a verse I had committed to memory not so long ago.

Oh, which part am I getting wrong?

This black void enveloping me, with that shitty garbage stink, is driving me crazy!

I’ve got to keep trying, though…every possible combination must be considered!

I’ve got to get protection from Mama…and fast!

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!…

WabawakabaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizuku…
WanwakabaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizulu…
WanabakawaigoInankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizuku…
WakabakawaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizuku…
WadabakawaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizulu…
WafabakawaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizuku…
WagabakawaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizulu…
WajabakawaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizuku…
WalaBakawaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizulu…
WamabakawaigoInankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizuku…
WanabakawaigoImankuchizdegaKanubodiganaSibakowolizulu…
WapawakabaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizuku…
WarabakawaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodigala Sibakowolizulu…
WasabakawaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizuku…
WatabakawaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizulu…
WavabakawaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizuku…
WawabakawaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizulu…
WayabakowaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizuku…
WazabakawaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizuzu…
WanababawaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizuku…
WanabakawaigoImankuchizdegoKalubodiganaSibakowolizulu…
WanabalawaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizuku…
WanabamawaigoImankuchizdegaKalubodiganaSibakowolizulu…

Oh, my God, I’m never going to get this right!

Surely, Mama’s ghost is making me mispronounce at least one word at a time, to drive me crazy!

My face is soaked in my tears. I’m shaking and sobbing so loudly, surely those elephants will hear me over their thumping feet!

What can I do to save myself from her?

Could I try finding Jesus? No, I tried that years ago. Didn’t work. There’s no Heaven to save me from this Hell.

If only I could kill myself…but that would just plunge my soul–if I even have one–straight into Hell all the more, where she could really torment me…forever.

What if I attempted…a dissolving of my ego? A transcending of my ego…ego death! The merging of my Atman, as it were, with Brahman? What if I adopted selflessness, in the Buddhist sense of the word? She cannot harm me if there’s no me to harm.

Through intense meditation, I can achieve ego death, nirvana. It’s worth a try, at least.

I’ll start by focusing on my breathing…slow, deep breaths…in…and out…I don’t need to close my eyes, because there’s nothing to see but absolute black everywhere.

Oh!…That awful smell! The shit of the asshole I’m trapped in!

No, I don’t want to inhale that so intensely. Bad idea.

I’ll have to try concentrating on something else.

The present moment, and my oneness with my surroundings.

Yes,…I must think about every second that passes by, and think about there being no distinction between myself and everything out there that isn’t me.

Oh, my mind keeps wandering. Roger, concentrate!

Mama, like Mara the tempter, is trying to thwart this Buddha.

I’m at one with everything…I’m aware of every passing second…

My body feels as if it’s beginning to dissolve, to merge with my surroundings…good…

Wait…am I dissolving, or am I…being pulled apart, in all directions?

I still can’t see anything in this black, smelly void, but it feels as though my arms are being pulled to their far left and far right, and it’s like I’m rising from the ground. All of me feels…pulled outwards, everywhere.

Is this a merging, or is it a…melting?

Maybe this is how becoming at one with everything is supposed to feel. I don’t know.

What’s that up ahead? A tiny dot of white light, gradually getting bigger. I feel as though I’m floating towards it. The light at the end of the tunnel? My salvation?

Wait a minute: instead of a growing ball of white light, I’m seeing the city I was riding that motorcycle through the streets of. I’m at the tight sphincter now, coming out like a turd squeezing through…POP!

I’m back out in the city now. Oh, thank God I don’t smell that fecal stink anymore. It’s as surreal out here as it was before: giant mushrooms for buildings, tall celery stalks for lampposts, boats on the roads instead of cars, a glowing basketball for a sun shining in a brown sky, and pedestrians with animals’ heads.

Yes, the magic of Mama’s ghost is as strong as ever.

Hey, wait! What am I riding on? This isn’t that motorbike I stole: I’m riding on a blue elephant! Other blue elephants are walking beside, in front of, and behind mine. I know what they represent: Aunt Jane, the staff of the mental hospital, and…that man.

They’re taking me back to the nut house…that prison!

I have to stop this from happening, but how?

I’ll try jumping off of this elephant…what? There’s some kind of invisible wall, or a force field of some kind, keeping me on the elephant! I can’t get away! Mama’s magic is keeping me here!

“Let me go!” I scream. “I don’t wanna go back to that horrible hospital!”

“Sorry, Roger,” I can hear Aunt Jane’s voice saying from farther off. “But we trusted you the last time, and you violated that trust. Now, I’m afraid we have no choice but to take you back there and keep you there for as long as it takes. Judging by the way you’ve been acting, I’d say you’ll probably have to stay locked up there for the rest of your life. I hate to say it, but it’s true.”

“NOOOO!!!”

“And don’t try that act of sanity again, Roger,” one of the hospital staff says. “We’re wise to your tricks now.”

Mama has won.

She has me locked away forever.

And she’ll be able to destroy the world without me able to stop her.

It was better in that giant asshole. At least I could meditate there, have a hope of dissolving my ego, and end my suffering…of course, I could meditate in the padded cell they’ll most likely incarcerate me in, wearing that straitjacket again. It will be uncomfortable, but I should be able to do it.

No, I can’t! Not with all those people there! I have to be alone. How can I dissolve my ego through meditation if I’m constantly being disturbed by shrinks and nurses determined to make me believe that that man is my father?

I really am in an eternal Hell of other people.

There is no exit for me.

‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Eleven

What a bizarre cityscape I’m seeing all around me!

As I race down the road on this motorcycle I stole, I’m seeing boats moving on the road instead of cars. The buildings are still giant, polka-dotted mushrooms. Instead of street lamps, I’m seeing giant celery sticks of the same height!

Whoa! I just looked up at the sky, which is a light brown instead of blue. And instead of seeing a bright ball of fiery light for the sun, I’m seeing a glowing…basketball.

The pedestrians all have animals’ heads: dogs, cats, elephants, horses, etc., but all in proportionate size to their human bodies. As I wait at this traffic light, the colours of which are pink (go), orange (slow), and brown (go), I can hear the pedestrians’ conversations as they walk by me: barking, meowing, roaring, neighing, etc. A man with a dog’s head is passing in front of me right now, walking his dog, which is actually speaking: “Who’s this ugly guy on the motorbike?”

Thanks a lot, dog.

The pedestrians have all crossed the street, and the light has turned brown. I can resume my getaway from Aunt Jane, my ‘father,’ and the staff of the mental hospital, who are presumably pursuing me. Off I go!

Anyone else knowing what I’m seeing and hearing would naturally assume that it’s all just a series of hallucinations that I’m having. But I know better. All of these surreal images and sounds are just the magical art of Mama’s ghost. She’d have me believe that I’m delusional.

The real delusion, however, so cleverly set up to look as though it’s normal, was my ‘recovery’ in that hospital, imagining that man to be my father. The peacefulness of that whole situation was staged by Mama, set up to distract me from her real plan, which is to escalate the world’s problems, exacerbating the bad economy and the ecological crisis, and of course, to bring to a head the political tensions between the US and NATO on one side, and Russia and China on the other, to bring about a nuclear World War III and annihilate all life here on the Earth!

Such is the scheming of Mama’s mischievous mind.

This is why I must do what I must do, to save the Earth! I can see now that it’s my destiny to be a hero, and a hero cannot be the son of a mediocre man like that one I left with Aunt Jane. I must be someone better than that, the son of a great man murdered by Mama’s treachery!

She’d have me doubt my senses, memory, and perception. That’s why she’s putting all these bizarre images in front of me and all around me. It’s all an attempt to control me! If I’m under her control, she’ll be free to do whatever she wants to do, to destroy the world. I must stop her!

All my life, from when I was a little kid, right up to her death–her manipulating me into killing her with the voodoo doll–she was making me believe that I never perceived anything correctly, that I was always seeing and hearing things. I now know why. She always knew–secretly, of course!–that I have special, magical gifts, inherited from her. (These gifts of mine were clearly seen when I so quickly learned how to block her magical powers.) She had to trick me into having no confidence in my own abilities, so I wouldn’t be able to stop her in her grand plan to become an all-powerful, disembodied spirit, and destroy the world!

I’ve got to stop her…but how can I do that?

I have to stay away from Aunt Jane and that man, because apart from how repellent I already find both of them, they’ll have the hospital staff drag me back into the nut house, to be imprisoned there indefinitely. Staying away from the two of them means staying away from my apartment, my laptop, and my protective circle and witch bottle.

That means I’m homeless.

I can’t make any more money because Aunt Jane is running the Pet Valu store.

I’m unemployed.

I can see towering columns of flame all around me, in the background, behind the surreal cityscape of giant mushrooms, celery stick street lamps, boats on the road, and animal-headed pedestrians. Everyone is going about his or her business, as if the fiery background wasn’t even there, as if there was nothing strange about boats for cars, mushrooms for apartment buildings, and animal heads instead of human ones.

I, however, continuing my racing about on this stolen motorcycle, know that I cannot find any reference books on magic if the library is now either a mushroom or is on fire. I cannot gain access to my mother’s inheritance money if the local bank is either a mushroom or burned to the ground.

I have no home, no job, no money, and no access to sources that can protect me from Mama’s magic.

What the hell am I going to do?

Aunt Jane, that man, and the hospital staff must be pursuing me…I’ll look behind and see if…oh, no!

A herd of stampeding elephants is right behind me!

Instead of elephants’ roars, I’m hearing the voice of that man: “Roger, come back! We only want to help you!”

I’m giving the bike some more gas.

Mama is really giving it everything she’s got to make me lose my mind and defeat me. I can’t let her do that!

I must keep my head. If I succumb to her surreal tricks, if she succeeds in disorienting me, or in having me caught or killed, there will be no one to stop her from destroying the world!

I can’t believe how well I’ve been able to dodge this traffic of boats, the celery street lamps, the giant mushrooms, and the animal-headed pedestrians so far. I’m flying down the street like a professional motorcycle racer…and I’ve never ridden a motorcycle before in my life…and normally, I’m totally spastic, totally without the most basic coordination.

Could my racing away like this really be happening, or is this one of Mama’s tricks, to give me a false sense of confidence, before she springs her inevitable trap on me? Probably. We’ll see.

What’s that up ahead? I’m seeing eyes and fanged teeth forming on the celery stick street lamps! They’re looking at me with threatening faces, like in a bizarre cartoon. Arms are growing out of their sides, arms that are grabbing at me!

The gripping green hands are missing me, so far. I’ve been able to dodge them. Where did my cycling skill come from so suddenly?

Bumps in the road are popping up like bubbles. I’m managing to dodge them, too…so far.

Those bumps are coming up in the most surprising place…oops!

I just hit a big, bubbling bump, and I’m flying off the bike and into the air. In front of me is a huge, giant, brown, swirling vortex with a black hole in the middle. It looks like a giant…asshole?

…and I’m flying right into it.

…screaming as I go in at top speed.

Inside now, I’ve landed with a painful thud that’s hurt my right elbow and hip. Instead of smelling shit, I smell…garbage, everywhere.

It’s pitch black in this smelly place. I can’t see a thing.

I can hear the elephants trampling their way in here.

The voice of ‘my father’ is saying, “He fell off the bike and landed somewhere in this garbage dump. He can’t have gone far.”

“He found a good hiding place,” my aunt just said, as I’m feeling their thunderous elephant thuds shaking the ground. “This place is like a labyrinth. We’ll never find him.”

That’s encouraging to hear. I can stay where I am, at least for the moment, rub my injuries, which aren’t that bad, and think about all of these crazy things that I’ve seen.

What I’ve been seeing must be much more than mere hallucinations. While it’s true that I’ve seen and heard things my whole life, they’ve never reached a level of surreal intensity anywhere near this! Oh, all these nonsensical images and sounds are Mama’s doing, I’m sure of it. This is all her magic, far more powerful than the magic she’d used when physically alive, since now she’s freed of the limitations of the body and the senses.

As bizarre as the sights and sounds have been, they are explicable, in terms of deliberate choices Mama’s ghost has made, her knowing I’d find them disturbing.

The brown sky is the colour of shit, reminding me of a time when, in PE class in high school, I was playing basketball in the outside basketball court. The ball went out on the grass at one point, and it fell on a lump of dog turds. One of the school bullies found the ball, picked it up, and threw it at my head, calling out my name as it flew in the air so I’d get hit in the face with the shit-smeared part. Everyone laughed at me, of course.

I went home crying about it. I told Mama what happened: she laughed, too, saying I should have worked harder at improving my basketball playing. She obviously had me see a brown sky and a basketball sun to remind me about that day. Her cruelty knows no bounds.

I hate eating celery, and as a kid, I was made by her to eat celery sticks one afternoon. I choked on one because of her continued pressure to finish them: I was six, and I thought I was going to choke to death. Again, street lamps made to look like giant celery sticks, with malevolent faces, was another attempt by Mama to re-traumatize me.

When I was ten, on a summer camping trip, I was in a small boat on a huge lake, deep in the middle of the water. A bully pushed me off, and I, not a good swimmer, almost drowned. Back home, I told Mama about it. She laughed again, blaming me for not working hard enough to improve my swimming. This explains the boats I saw on the road.

I’ve generally been afraid of animals, having been bitten by dogs and scratched by cats as a kid. They seem little different to me from people, who all seem like bullies to me. Hence, pedestrians with animal heads and talking dogs and elephants.

Oh, don’t get me started on elephants!

As a kid, I used to have nightmares about being trampled on by stampeding herds of elephants or horses. I’d feel crushed by the idea of…that man…being my father, hence her associating him with elephants.

…and what about that giant asshole vortex I just flew into?

Well, I don’t want to go into too much detail about this, the reasons of which should become obvious soon enough, but when I was about twelve and in summer camp again, one of the counsellors took an interest in me, and he…

I’ve already said too much.

Again, when I tearfully told Mama about it on my return home, she laughed at me and called me gay.

Are you starting to understand why I wanted her dead?

This darkness everywhere is really enveloping me. I feel like I’m floating in endless, starless space.

This is the hell Mama’s ghost is trapping me in.

Without the library’s or any other magical resources, I’ll have to rely on my faulty memory to think of any of the other magical ideas I researched before. I hope I can use it to put up a decent fight against her.

The odds are not in my favour.

‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Ten

Several weeks have gone by with me in this…mental hospital, and I have been cooperating with Dr. Sweeney, Aunt Jane, and…my…father, in the hopes that they’ll let me out of here soon enough. Even in my private thoughts, I’m trying to approximate the perception of reality they’re all imposing on me, all of them working for a certain…spirit, in the hopes that she, too, will be fooled. Then I can be freed of all of them.

My subterfuge seems to be working. Sweeney and the staff are pleased with my cooperation and lack of belligerence. I haven’t worn the straitjacket since it had been taken off me; I’m not even in the padded cell anymore. I’m in quite a pleasant-looking, well-furnished room.

They’re letting me take walks outside, where there are trees, there’s grass, and even a pond with ducks I can feed, as long as my…father…accompanies me and I chat with him. I’m going along with all of it; I’m being patient about it. I even smile and call him…Dad…without wincing. I actually entertain the thought of him being my dad in my thoughts, not only to fool that…spirit, but also to test the waters, as it were–to see if I like it.

Not really.

Dad is so lame.

I want a heroic father, not this loser.

Still, I must keep up appearances, even in my thoughts.

After all, it’s quite possible that I’m succeeding in keeping…her…at bay. I haven’t seen anything blatantly surreal over these past few weeks, and I see flames only in the distant horizon when I go outside with…Dad. The…ghost…isn’t fucking with my head as a reward, I surmise, for cooperating with the others.

Still, something’s going to happen, some fresh trap to be sprung on me while I’m here, so I have to be careful and hope I get discharged as soon as possible.

Then I can find my chance to break free and run from them all.

Oh, here he comes–Dr. Sweeney. Time to act like a good little patient. Cue my fake smile.

“Good morning, Roger,” he says with a fake smile of his own.

“Good morning,” I say.

“How are you feeling today?” he asks.

“Oh, fine,” I say. “I had a really good sleep last night.”

“Good. I trust you’re still enjoying your walks with your father, then? You’ve fully accepted that he is your father, haven’t you?”

“Fully.” My acting is so good, I’d fool myself.

“I’m happy to hear that, Roger. In fact, I have some good news for you.”

“Oh?” I’m trying hard to suppress my anticipation of what he’s about to say. If I overreact to what I think he’ll say, I might be exposed as faking my recovery.

“I think you’re well enough to be released from here.”

“Really? Are you sure I’m well enough? This could be premature. I might have a relapse.”

“Well, if so, you know where you’ll return,” he says while writing something down on his notepad. “In any case, I’m confident that you’ve made sufficient progress, to the point where you can be put under the care of your aunt and father. They’ll report back to me on your continuing progress, or any problems you have, and we’ll react accordingly here.”

“Oh, very well, then, Doctor,” I’m still restraining my enthusiasm. “When will I be released?”

“Tomorrow afternoon.”

“Oh, OK.”

****************

Now, it’s the early afternoon of the next day, just after lunch, and I’m getting ready to be taken out of here. I’m bracing myself, taking deep breaths, and trying to stay calm. I’m thinking over how I can find an opportunity to break free of my aunt and…father, how to know when it will be safe to do so.

I don’t want to wait until I get home, whether that home is mine, my aunt’s, or…his. Firstly, will either of them be watching me, or having someone watch me, 24/7, so I can’t get away any better than here in this nut house? Secondly, I’m so eager to get away from them that I simply can’t wait any longer. It’s a foolish risk I’ll be taking, but I’ve run out of patience.

Ah, there’s my door being opened!

There they are, the shrink, my aunt, and…him.

“OK, Roger,” Sweeney says. “You’re all set to go.”

“Come on home, Son,” says my…dad, smiling.

“All the paperwork’s been signed, so we can just go,” Aunt Jane says, also smiling.

“OK,” I say, getting up with a sincere smile of my own, and I leave the room with them.

As we’re walking through the front doors, and I can see the streets and buildings out there (as well as the blazing fires all along the city’s horizon), Dr. Sweeney stops me for a moment.

“Now, remember, Roger,” he says in a kind, avuncular attitude. “Your father may not be the great hero you’d always fantasized of him as being, but he’s a good man, and that’s enough. You, too, are good enough, and that’s all you and he need to be, OK?”

“OK,” I say. “And thank you, Doctor, for all your help.”

We all say goodbye to him and walk out of the hospital and on the sidewalk surrounding it, my aunt to my left, and my ‘dad’ to my right. There’s a nearby parking lot, on the other side of the street, that we’re approaching.

My mind is racing, and my eyes are darting all over the place, looking for an opportunity to escape.

I find just such an opportunity.

I see a man parking and getting off of his motorcycle. His keys are still in it, and he’s a short run from where I am. My aunt and…he…are looking away, distracted. Lucky for me.

I suddenly break into a sprint for that bike.

“Roger!” Aunt Jane shouts.

“What are you doing?” he shouts.

I reach the bike, shove the rider to the pavement, and get on it. The keys are still in the ignition switch. I kickstart the bike.

“Hey!” he shouts. “What the fuck you doin’?”

“What does it look like?” I say, then ride off.

“Asshole!” he shouts. “Stop! Thief!”

“Roger!” my aunt and ‘dad’ shout several times.

As I’m distancing myself from them, surprising myself at how well I’m riding the motorcycle without any crashes or much of any obstacles on the road slowing me down, I see the flames quickly return all around me, burning every building in sight. I’m also seeing those giant, brightly-coloured, polka-dotted mushrooms again.

Yes, Mama’s back to her old tricks. But that’s no matter: I’m now free to go back to trying to stop her from destroying the world. My chance to be a hero has returned.

Analysis of ‘Spellbound’

Spellbound is a 1945 psychological thriller directed by Alfred Hitchcock and starring Ingrid Bergman and Gregory Peck, with Michael Chekhov, Leo G. Carroll, and John Emery. The screenplay was written by Ben Hecht, from a treatment by Angus MacPhail, after an earlier treatment by Hitchcock’s wife, Alma Reville, which all was “suggested” by the 1927 novel, The House of Dr. Edwardes, by Hilary St. George Saunders and John Palmer (the two authors going under the pseudonym of Francis Beeding).

The film was a critical and commercial success; it was nominated for six Oscars, including Best Picture and Best Director, and it won Best Original Score. The score, by Miklós Rózsa, inspired Jerry Goldsmith to become a film composer. (I must be honest, though, in saying that I find the love theme rather mawkish, and the spooky music, with the whistling theremin, melodramatic; but you can hear the music and decide its merits for yourself, Dear Reader.)

Here is a link to quotes from the film, here’s a link to the full movie, and here’s a link to the novel by ‘Beeding.’

When we see how often this story was revised, and was “suggested” by the 1927 novel, we see an example of how a Hitchcock film has changed so much of the original story as to retain very little, if anything, from the original (The Birds is another example of such radical changes.).

The few things that Spellbound retains from The House of Dr. Edwardes include the character names of Dr. Edwardes, Constance (Bergman)–though in the film, she’s Dr. Constance Petersen, and in the novel, she’s Dr. Constance Sedgwick (the change of surname owing presumably to a need to accommodate Bergman’s accent, which sounds anything but English), and Dr. Murchison (Carroll). Also retained is the idea of having a mentally ill man impersonate a psychiatrist, though in the film, Dr. Edwardes is impersonated by, as we eventually learn, John Ballantine (Peck), whereas in the novel, a madman named Geoffrey Godstone impersonates Dr. Murchison.

A huge transformation in plot from novel to film is how, in the latter, Constance and Ballantine are chased by the police while she, in love with him, tries to cure him of a guilt complex in which he believes he’s killed the real Dr. Edwardes, while in the former, Godstone not only relishes in his crime of imprisoning, incapacitating (with drugs), and impersonating Dr. Murchison, but also practices Satanism in Edwardes’s mental hospital, a secluded castle on a mountainside in France!

Despite these huge differences between novel and film, though, they do share a few common themes that deserve investigation. Namely, these are the blurred line between doctor and patient, or sane and insane, as well as the juxtaposition of the life and death drives, or Eros (which includes libido) and Thanatos.

The first of these two themes is especially significant in that it calls into question the authority of the psychiatrist. Though common sense reminds us that the doctor is as much a fallible human being as the patient is, we nonetheless have a habit of attributing great wisdom and expertise to the analyst, whom Lacan called “the subject supposed to know.” The novel and film punch holes in this supposed psychiatric authority, in both literal and symbolic ways.

Not only do madmen impersonate psychiatrists in these stories, they also manage to fool the rest of the staff in their respective mental hospitals, if only for a relatively short time. Only Dr. Murchison knows the truth right from the beginning: in the novel, because the real Dr. Murchison is being held against his will by the madman; in the film, because Dr. Murchison is Dr. Edwardes’s real murderer!

In the novel, an old castle in France, the Château Landry, has been made into a mental hospital. Its inaccessibility among the mountains, as well as the evil practices believed by the local villagers to be going on there, reminds me of the Château de Silling, a castle in the German Black Forest, in the Marquis de Sade‘s unfinished erotic novel, The 120 Days of Sodom, adapted as Salò by Pier Paolo Pasolini, in which four wealthy libertines (who, being a duke, a bishop, a president, and a banker, are also of dubious authority) sexually abuse, torture, and kill a number of young, often naked, victims. This clash between a place supposedly meant to heal the sick, but really a place of Satanism and/or perversion, underlines the implied anti-psychiatry and antiauthoritarianism of the novel.

In the film, the blurring of the lines between sane and insane, and doctor and patient, can be seen not only symbolically in Ballantine’s brief impersonation of Dr. Edwardes, but also in the growing mental instability of Dr. Murchison, which leads to him murdering Dr. Edwardes, threatening to murder Constance, and finally committing suicide, all with the same pistol. Finally, Constance’s own professionalism as a doctor is taken into question when she lets her countertransference for her patient, Ballantine, run wild: she’s as much in love with him as he is with her.

Her love for him, translating into a need to have him, is representative of a Lacanian application of Hegel‘s master/slave, or lord/bondsman, dialectic, a holdover from feudal times. She would be the one in authority over him, as analyst over analysand, but her countertransference weakens that authority.

As Ian Parker says in his book, Lacanian Psychoanalysis: Revolutions in Subjectivity, “…Hegelian phenomenology…[was]…influential on Lacan’s early work…the psychiatrist becomes a master who discovers that he is dependent on the slave he commands to work, who discovers that he himself relies on the other he imagined he would dominate, for without that domination his activity would amount to nothing. This master-slave dialectic is actually rooted by Hegel…in the feudal relationship between what he preferred to term ‘lord’ and ‘bondsman’, and it only then starts to have retroactive hermeneutic effects on the way longer past historical relations between masters and slaves might be understood…we can already see the spectre of a totalising system of knowledge–very much of the kind [Hegel] is accused of unrolling and celebrating on the stage of history–haunting psychiatry.” (Parker, page 23)

In the novel, that the mental hospital is in a castle, an icon of feudal times, is significant in how early, authoritarian forms of psychiatry came out of the feudal world, thus reinforcing the mystique around the authority of psychiatrists over the mentally ill, an authority that is challenged–symbolically and literally–in both the novel and the film.

“The bourgeois-democratic revolutions that ushered in new forms of the state in Western Europe to guarantee capitalist interests never completely eradicated feudal power relations, and the remnants of feudalism were recruited into and re-energised in specific ideological projects that served class society well. Psychiatry was thus incorporated into the psy complex, the meshwork of practices that individualize subjectivity and regulate the activities of bourgeois subjects…This replication and recuperation of feudal social links under capitalism has consequences for political-economic analysis of the development of psychoanalysis.” (Parker, page 25)

The fact that, back in feudal times, mental illness was perceived as being caused by demonic possession (recall how Hamlet, in having seen his father’s ghost, is quite possibly really mad, and not merely pretending to be) is echoed in the novel in how not only the villagers neighbouring the Château Landry believe that the patients are possessed, but also rightly suspect that Satanism is being practiced there. This devil-worship, practiced by a madman who convinces the medical staff for quite a time that he’s Dr. Murchison, reinforces the blurring between doctor and patient.

As for the authority of those who have practiced psychoanalysis, a method endorsed in Hitchcock’s film, I am greatly influenced by it myself, as many of my articles have demonstrated, but I have no illusions about it. Psychoanalysis is no science. Freud got a lot more wrong than he got right. Wilfred R. Bion was much more insightful, but his own traumas from his war experiences further demonstrate the blurred line between doctor and patient. Lacan, with his frustratingly obscurantist way of communicating his ideas, comes off as a pretentious narcissist.

For all of these reasons, a novel and film about the mentally ill impersonating psychiatrists seems a fitting topic. In the larger sense, people in all positions of authority–be they psychiatrists, politicians, or bosses–are far too often impostors.

The mad can often do an expert job of faking sanity and self-control, as Ballantine does for much of the film, despite his frequent moments of agitation. Psychopaths and narcissists are also frequently skilled at pretending to be empathetic, caring, and socially conforming; we can see Dr. Murchison do this throughout the film, right up to his suicide; we can also see this self-control in Godstone as he impersonates Dr. Murchison through most of the novel.

These characters wear masks of sanity that slip only from time to time. We all wear masks.

The film begins with a nymphomaniac patient, Mary Carmichael (played by Rhonda Fleming), being taken to see Constance for a therapy session. Fleming’s portrayal of a madwoman in the one scene we have of her (most of the rest of her character was removed from the film for having stretched the limits of 1940s movie censorship…rather like repression of unacceptable unconscious urges, is it not?) is, I’m sorry to say, terribly overacted; still, maybe that’s the point. The mentally ill, in their inability to blend in with society, are simply ‘bad actors.’ the sane know how to maintain the dramatized illusion of sanity.

Constance’s ‘performance’ of a woman totally uninterested in sexual or romantic feelings is impeccable…until “Dr. Edwardes” arrives, that is. Dr. Fleurot (Emery), who up to the arrival of the surprisingly young and handsome “Dr. Edwardes” (In the novel, “Dr. Murchison” is also quite young, unlike Carroll’s Murchison.) and his effect on Constance, has remarked that embracing her is like “embracing a textbook.” So when Fleurot sees her schoolgirl-like crush on “Edwardes,” he can’t help poking fun at her for it.

One suspects that the origin of her countertransference is in her presumably Oedipal relationship with her father, since she complains of how the poets romanticize about love, raising our hopes with it, only for us to be disappointed and heartbroken; actually, our romantic feelings for someone are just a transference of our original Oedipal feelings for the (usually) opposite-sex parent. What’s more, she’s read all of Edwardes’s books, and obviously admires him for his psychiatric expertise, the way a child will regard his or her (then-younger!) parents’ knowledge as quite infallible.

Another patient in Green Manors, Mr. Garmes (played by Norman Lloyd), embodies the opposite, it seems, to Constance’s Oedipal feelings: he imagines he killed his father and has guilt feelings from this delusion, when it’s really just his unconscious wish to remove his father, rooted in childhood, so he could have his mother. Constance reassures him that analysis will help him see the truth buried in his unconscious, and seeing that truth will cure him of his guilt.

Now, Ballantine, in his impersonation of Edwardes, is listening to Garmes talk about his fantasy of having killed his father, and instead of understanding how unconscious Oedipal feelings, rooted in jealousy, can lead to delusions of guilt when the object of jealousy is killed, Ballantine can relate to that guilt and find it very real, since as we learn towards the end of the film, his own guilt complex is based on an accidental killing of his brother, presumably another object of jealousy, another rival for the attention of their mother.

So Ballantine’s most imperfect impersonation of a psychiatrist, especially apparent when he has a mental breakdown during surgery on Garmes, is symbolic of the human imperfections of psychoanalysts, reminding us of the limits of their authority.

To go back to the novel, it isn’t only the authority of the doctors that is questioned (only Constance seems to keep her head the whole time), but also the patients, who though being obviously ill are also often people associated with some form of authority. There’s an extremely forgetful colonel, an ineffectual, foolish druggist named Mr. Deeling, a reverend who finds himself easily brought under Godstone’s Satanic influence, and an elderly woman–normally someone who would be revered as a wise matriarch–who has delusions of being a little girl, and behaves accordingly. And the madman is often referred to as the Honorable Geoffrey Godstone.

The juxtaposition of Eros and Thanatos as mentioned above, of feelings of love and of death, are demonstrated when Constance, always trying to deny her love for “Edwardes,” nonetheless gives in and embraces him. Just at that point, though, he becomes agitated when he sees the pattern of dark lines on her white robe, triggering his memory of ski tracks in the snow where he saw the real Dr. Edwardes fall off the side of a mountain to his death.

Constance realizes that “Edwardes” is an impostor when she compares his signature on a recently-written letter with that of the real Dr. Edwardes in one of his books. A parallel scene can be found in the middle of the novel, when Constance goes through some of the books of “Dr. Murchison” and finds writings on Satanism and the witches’ Sabbath. Not only is psychiatric authority to be questioned, but given the feudal era’s association of mental illness with demonic possession, it can sometimes also be the opposite of therapeutic.

Still, Constance is smitten with John B., as she knows him to be named, and she wants to help him get well, refusing to believe even his own insistence that he killed the real Dr. Edwardes. Her countertransference has gone from an Oedipal one (a ‘daddy thing’) to more of a Iocaste-like transference, with Ballantine, in his vulnerability and fear, being like a son to her.

He leaves Green Manors, having been found out to be not only an impostor but also a suspect in the killing of Dr. Edwardes. He’s left Constance a letter, telling her he’s staying at the Empire State Hotel, so she goes there. She’s waiting in the busy hotel lobby, not far from the elevators, out of one of which we see Hitchcock doing his cameo, him walking out of one of them carrying a violin case and smoking a cigarette.

A drunken lout (played by Wallace Ford) sits next to her and annoys her until the hotel detective (played by Bill Goodwin) gets rid of him. This hotel detective, well-meaning and wanting to help her, catches hints from her body language and facial expressions to help him figure out what she needs. He fancies himself something of a psychologist, since one needs to be one in his line of work. His discussion of his skills in human psychology with Constance, who as an actual psychiatrist finds his skills most charming, is yet another example of the film blurring the distinction between doctor and non-doctor.

As Constance tries to analyze Ballantine, he–not wanting to confront his traumas–tries to resist her probing, even getting angry with her. Such hostility to the doctor is as frequent a manifestation of transference as are feelings of love. Again, in this love/hate relationship we have an example of the juxtaposition of Eros and Thanatos.

Eventually, Constance and John end up at the home of her old teacher and mentor in psychoanalysis, the elderly Dr. Alexander Brulov (Chekhov). Though this doctor is a good, capable man, he has his own clownish eccentricities and idiosyncrasies that remind us of how human therapists also are. For example, he makes a few on-the-spot diagnoses that come across as rather ludicrous: he claims Ballantine has “photophobia,” and is a “schizophrenic.”

And in spite of Brulov’s assertion that “Women make the best psychoanalysts until they fall in love. After that they make the best patients,” he also shares some of that old-fashioned Freudian sexism, wishing that Constance wouldn’t fill his ears with “the usual female contradictions. You grant me I know more than you, but on the other hand, you know more than me. Women’s talk. Bah!”

Recall how Freud, on the one hand, wanted to have more female psychoanalysts to shed light on the “dark continent” of female psychology (hence his famous question, “What do women want?” and his daughter, Anna, becoming an analyst), yet on the other hand, he believed women to have a less-developed superego, and therefore a less-developed sense of morality.

Brulov quickly figures out that something is wrong with “John Brown,” and when he finds the man descending the stairs with a razor in his hand, held like a murder weapon, and with a wild look in his eyes, Brulov resolves to drug John’s milk to knock him out for the rest of the night.

Ballantine seen drinking the drugged milk is one of two significant POV shots that Hitchcock put in the film, the other being the one when Dr. Murchison points his pistol at his face and shoots himself. Apart from the POV linking the two shots is also the fact that both characters have obvious mental health issues, Ballantine in the film impersonating a psychiatrist, and in the novel, a madman impersonating Dr. Murchison.

Ballantine’s taking of the razor blade, as if to use it as a murder weapon, can be seen as a case of what Freud called “the compulsion to repeat,” in that Ballantine, imagining himself to be Dr. Edwardes’s murderer (rather than just the accidental killer of his brother), is repeating an expression of his toxic shame, in the futile hopes of processing that shame and thus eliminating it. Luckily, he never successfully reenacts that supposed inclination to murder on either sleeping Constance, with her white blanket and its dark, straight lines caused by shadow–which obviously has triggered Ballantine–or on Dr. Brulov.

After his long, drug-induced sleep, and an argument between Constance and Brulov over whether to treat him or hand him over to the police, Ballantine wakes up and describes the dream he’s just had to the two psychoanalysts. The designs for the dream, fittingly, were done by surrealist Salvador Dalí.

We see the inside of a gambling house with curtains with eyes all over them, suggesting that it represents Green Manors, and that the eyes on the curtains represent the guards of Green Manors, or just criticizing eyes in general. A scantily-clad woman, representing Constance in a wish-fulfillment for Ballantine, is going around from table to table kissing all the male guests in the gambling house.

Someone with huge scissors is cutting all the eye-covered drapes in half, suggesting a wish to eliminate all those critics watching guilt-ridden Ballantine, who has been playing cards with an elderly man in a beard…Edwardes. The card game could represent a therapy session between the two, since Edwardes’s unorthodox methods included allowing his patients to enjoy recreational activities…like in the skiing incident.

The proprietor of the gambling house, wearing a mask, suddenly appears, accusing the elderly card player of cheating. The former, representing Murchison, as we eventually learn, threatens to “fix” the latter; in other words, Murchison is threatening to kill Edwardes, and the masking of his face represents Ballantine’s repression of the memory of Edwardes’s real killer.

Next, we see the elderly man standing at the edge of a sloping roof on a building. The slope of the roof represents the snowy slope of the side of a mountain, where Edwardes and Ballantine were skiing. The elderly man falls off the roof; then we see the masked proprietor again, hiding behind the chimney of the roof. He’s holding a warped wheel, shaped a bit like a revolver. He drops it on the roof.

What the dream is trying to remind Ballantine, albeit in an extremely distorted form so as not to wake him in a state of great distress, is that Murchison, hiding behind a tree, shot Edwardes in the back, causing him to fall off the mountain to his death, so Murchison could stay on as the “proprietor” of Green Manors, instead of being replaced as such by Edwardes.

The dream ends with Ballantine being chased by a great, shadowy pair of wings down a hill. A speculation of angel wings leads to him recalling where the skiing with Edwardes occurred: a ski lodge named Gabriel Valley. Ballantine and Constance go there to ski, in the hopes that they can bring up more memories to fill in the puzzle of his troubled unconscious. As they’re going down the slope, though, the two skiers are also hoping he won’t, in a fit of repetition compulsion, kill her, too. In this scene, we again see the juxtaposition of Eros and Thanatos.

Just before they reach a precipice, he remembers the time he, as a child, accidentally killed his brother. Little John was sliding down a side ramp, where one puts one’s hand to go up or down stairs in front of a building, and his brother was sitting at the bottom of the ramp, with his back to John and ignoring his cries to get out of the way. John’s feet knocked him off and onto a spiked fence, stabbing the spikes into his guts.

This sliding down and killing someone became a repressed memory that returned to Ballantine’s conscious mind in the unrecognizable form of him sliding down a snowy hill on skis and seeing Edwardes in front of him, like his brother, then seeing him fall to his death. Such returns of the repressed in unrecognizable new forms is common enough.

His innocence of the death of Edwardes seems fully established, except for when the police find the body, right where Ballantine says it was…and with a bullet in the corpse’s back. Ballantine is arrested, tried, and convicted.

Refusing to give up on Ballantine, Constance keeps searching for ways to acquit him. She discusses her heartbreak over his conviction with Dr. Murchison, who lets it slip that he knew Edwardes “slightly” and didn’t like him. (He’d earlier said he never knew Edwardes…though Constance wasn’t in the room to hear him tell this lie!)

Suspecting him, she discusses Ballantine’s dream with Murchison, who freely interprets it in a way to help Constance incriminate him. Since under his calm shell, he is also mentally ill, Murchison in his cooperation with her is demonstrating the promptings of the death drive, especially when he pulls his gun on her. The imposter Murchison of the novel, though at first denying he’s really Godstone, also freely admits to it when the evidence against him is stronger.

In the POV shot of Constance leaving the room with Murchison’s pistol following her, we can expand on the parallels with the POV shot of Ballantine drinking the drugged milk. The perspective is of a madman who either has impersonated or is impersonating a psychoanalyst; the person being looked at is a real psychoanalyst. One receives a drug and sleeps; the other receives a bullet and dies–“to die, to sleep, no more…”

The person seen in both cases, an actual, sane doctor, as opposed to the madman seeing the doctor, is a metaphorical mirror, in the Lacanian sense, of the mentally-ill viewer of him or her. The doctor being watched is thus the ideal-I of the viewer, who in his frustration cannot measure up to that ideal, and therefore must be knocked out or killed.

In these observations we see how Spellbound can be understood to be a critique, allegorically speaking, of the psychiatric profession. One must be careful to ensure that the therapists are as psychologically healthy as humanly possible, for the line between doctor and patient is blurred. Hence, when Constance tells Ballantine that all psychoanalysts must first be analyzed themselves before they can begin practicing, he says, “Ah, that’s to make sure that they’re not too crazy.”

‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Nine

I feel myself coming out of a daze, a waking-up from what has felt like a dark sleep, the darkness slowly beginning a glow into brighter and brighter light. I’m looking around, my eyes focusing.

What is this place I’ve been taken to? I’m still surrounded in fire, but the fire has become so bright, it’s almost white. I’m still not burning, though it’s very warm all around me. I see walls of near-white fire surrounding me…imprisoning me.

Because I was resisting my persecutors–that man and my aunt, who’s still possessed by Mama’s ghost, no doubt–resisting them with all of my strength, they found me so violent that I can see they’ve put me in a straitjacket. What I don’t have on my person anymore are my amulet and sachet!

My resistance was at its most violent when they were taking those things from me. The last thing I remember was someone sticking a needle in my arm as I saw them take away my amulet and sachet, and I was screaming…then everything slowly faded to black as my struggles grew weaker and weaker.

No longer at home with my magic circle or witch bottle to protect me, I feel completely naked, as it were, totally exposed to Mama’s magic! What am I going to do without any protection?

What were those magical formulas that I used to chant, to ward off her evil spells and apparitions? I’ve gone and forgotten them; in my stress and disorientation from the drug they put in my arm, I find myself unable to utter even one syllable of the ancient, mystical languages. Mama can do anything she wants to me, and I can’t stop her! She schemed to put me in this position, and now she has me right where she wants me. I’m as good as dead.

After I die, after she kills me, I’ll be in hell with her (I already am in hell here, but I’ll be even closer to her when I’m dead in body), and then she can really torture me…forever!

Let’s face it: I’ve already passed the entrance where the sign says, “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.”

What’s this? Somebody’s coming into the room…if that’s what this fiery-walled, white room can be called, this prison cell of mine.

Oh, God! It’s that man, the one who calls himself my father, in the long white coat of a doctor. He thinks he’s going to treat me?

“Good afternoon, Roger,” he says to me with a phony smile. “How are you feeling now?”

“How do you think, Father?” I growl sarcastically at him.

“You think I’m your father?” he asks with an incredulous look.

“Isn’t that what you’ve been claiming you are?” I ask. “I assure you–you aren’t my father, and never will be.”

“I know that, Roger,” he says. “I’m your therapist. Your father and aunt are outside. They are hoping I can help you. You’ve been under sedation for several hours now. Now that the drugs are wearing off, they could be still affecting your hallucinations. I guess that’s why you’re seeing your father’s face instead of mine.”

I blink a few times and look at his face again. No, he isn’t that man. He looks quite similar, but he isn’t him.

“My name is Doctor Sweeney,” he says. “Feel free to talk to me about anything you like. Don’t censor yourself.”

“I’d rather not talk to you at all,” I say, still frowning at him.

“Why is that, Roger?”

I look around at the fiery, white walls, which look rather soft now–cushiony, even. This ‘doctor’ is no doubt part of Mama’s plan to get inside my head.

“Let’s just say that I don’t trust shrinks.”

“You’ve been mistreated by psychiatrists before?”

“I know who my aunt and that man are working for.”

He’s writing something down on a notepad. “And who is that, I’m curious to know?” he asks with a self-satisfied smirk.

“You know who,” I say with a scowl.

“Um, no, I’m afraid I don’t,” he says, still writing.

“Oh, yes, you do. You’re working for her, too, obviously.”

“For her?

“Don’t play dumb with me, shrink.”

“I’m sorry, Roger, but I guess I am dumb. I have no idea what you’re talking about. Why don’t you just tell me, then we can bring it out into the open and fully explore what’s troubling you?”

“Oh, right. Then you can call me crazy, lock me up in this inferno of a prison, and then Mama will get what she wants!”

“Mama? Is she who we’re working for?” he asks, still writing.

“Of course it’s her! Don’t you condescend me!”

“Didn’t your mother die a little while back?” he asks, writing really fast now. “Your aunt and father said she died…”

“HE’S NOT MY FATHER!!!”

“If you insist, though I do see a facial resemblance between you two.”

“You’re working for my mother, that’s why you say I look like him.”

“She is dead, though, isn’t she?” He’s still writing away.

“Of course she’d dead…in body, anyway.”

“So is she still alive in spirit? Is she a ghost?”

“Obviously!”

“Has her ghost appeared to you, telling you her plots against you?”

“I’ve seen her ghost, though she tells me little.”

“And why do you think she’s trying to persecute you?”

“Revenge.”

“For what?”

“Because I k…!” Oops. I’m quite silent now.

“Do you believe you…killed her?”

I’m still silent, looking down at my shoes.

“Your aunt and…that man say she died of a heart attack. You aren’t guilty of her murder, Roger. This guilt complex must be the basis of your delusions.”

“If I’m so non-violent, then can you please remove this straitjacket?”

“I’m afraid you might hurt yourself, and me.”

“Then I am of a violent nature, aren’t I? Violent enough to have killed her.”

“You have the potential to be, but you never killed…”

“We all have the potential to be violent, Doctor.”

“Am I being violent to you?”

“You’re depriving me of my freedom of movement, caging me in walls of white fire, binding my…”

“Walls of white fire?” Oh, he’s writing really fast now!

“Of course! Look around you! Are you blind?”

“No, but I must be having delusions myself, for all I see around us is a padded cell.”

“A padded cell? How cute.” Condescending bastard!

“Did your mother’s ghost surround us in white fire?”

“Of course she did! She’s a witch!”

That pen of his is moving like…crazy…now.

“Is that why you killed her? Did you use magic yourself to give her a heart attack?”

No courtroom would believe I killed her with magic, so I felt safe nodding at the shrink’s question.

“And now that she’s a spirit, I suppose she’s much freer to use her magic in a much more malignant way?”

“The fact that you can predict her freer use of magic on me proves that you are working for her,” I hiss at him. “But I can promise you this, shrink: I’ll find a way out of this prison. You’ll see!”

“M-hmm,” the shrink says in his usual smug manner. “What do you think your mother’s ghost is going to do to you, and to the world in general?”

“She’s destroying the global economy, she’s worsening global warming, as you can see all around us,…”

“Oh, yes, the burning padded cell.” He’s writing this all down, of course.

“…and the worsening of tensions between the West and China and Russia, leading to World War Three and nuclear annihilation.”

“Your mother’s ghost is causing all that? She must be one powerful witch.”

“Is condescension your preferred form of therapy, shrink?”

“No, getting all your thoughts out in the open, analyzing them, and learning where you got them from is my preferred method.”

“And where do you think I got my ideas from, Doctor? My tinfoil hat?”

“We’ll figure that out in time, Roger. For now, though, I’d like to observe you talking with your aunt and your f…, excuse me, that man.”

“Oh, God, no! Not him!”

“If he isn’t your father, why does he upset you so?”

“Because you all want me to believe he is!”

“How will believing he’s your father harm you?”

“It’s a lie of Mama’s, intended to lead me into a world of illusions!”

“Your hallucinations and delusions have already done that, Roger. I think you’re far more afraid of realizing that he really is your father. There’s something about him really being your father that you’d find devastating. We must explore this possibility, nonetheless, to get to the root of what is troubling you. I’ll be right back with him and your aunt.”

The shrink is getting up and walking towards the fiery white walls. I’m trembling in this straitjacket, rocking back and forth, trying desperately to hang on.

Oh, God, they’re coming in, emerging from the white fire!

Maybe I can incinerate myself by ramming into one of the fiery walls. Unh! I feel no burns from it, only a cushion pushing me back into the middle of the area. Mama won’t let me kill myself! She wants to torture me by forcing me to face this man!

He’s standing in front of me, looking at me with a fake look of concern for me. That shrink says he resembles me…wait! His face is being reshaped…to look exactly like mine! This is another of Mama’s tricks, for sure!

“Roger, please accept that I’m your father,” the impostor says. “Here’s a photo of your mom and me when we were dating. I had all my hair back then, but you should be able to see that it’s my face. Look!”

I’m looking at it, then looking back at him. His face is changing again: I’m seeing five eyes on it, three noses, and two mouths. Definitely not the face in the photo. Granted, the monstrous face I see on him is not his real face–something Mama is making me see–but it doesn’t prove he’s the man who dated Mama and got her pregnant.

All I can do is laugh at him. “It’s not you, old man.”

“Yes, it is,” he insists. “Deny it all you want, I am your old man. I’ll prove it further.”

He’s fumbling in his pockets for something. I’m sighing in exasperation. “My father died years ago!

“No, he didn’t. He’s standing right here in front of you, Roger.” He takes out some paper and presents it to my reluctant eyes. “Here’s a document from a paternity test I did. Look at it! See my photo, and your name, and your mother’s name.” He’s pointing everything out for me.

“Forgeries!” I shout.

I get groans of frustration from him, my aunt, and the shrink.

“Roger, why is it so awful to you to believe that I’m your father?” that man asks. “Can’t you see how hurtful it is to me to be rejected by my own son? I know I left you before you were born, and I remained uninvolved in your life, and I’m sorry about that, truly sorry! But I want to make it up to you now. I wanna take care of you. I wanna help you get well. I can see now that the lack of a father in your life is, to a great extent at least, the cause of your sickness. I left your mother because I could see that there was something wrong with her, some kind of narcissism or psychopathy in her. It was a cowardly move on my part to have left you, and I’m sorry. Can’t your father get a second chance?”

“No,” I say with an icy look.

“Why not?” he screams.

“My father can’t get a second chance because my mother killed him. You’re right about her probably being narcissistic or psychopathic; but you left out one thing.”

“What’s that?” my aunt and the shrink ask together.

“My mother was a witch.”

More groans from all three of them. I’m unmoved.

“Look, Dr. Sweeney, could you at least remove the straitjacket?” the man asks. “Let’s give him some dignity. He isn’t normally violent. I’m sure we’ll be safe.”

With a sigh, the shrink says, “All right. I have orderlies just outside, who’ll come in at the drop of a hat the very second he begins acting up.”

“I’m sure he’ll be OK,” my aunt says. “He only got combative when we took those two silly things off of him, that necklace and sachet.”

“My only means of protection from Mama’s magic,” I growl as the shrink is taking off the straitjacket.

“Ridiculous,” my aunt says.

My arms are free at last. I’m still calm.

“See?” I tell the shrink. “I’m in control.”

“Please, Roger,” the man says with teary eyes. “Stop pushing me away. Let me be your father.”

“His ‘proof’ is faked,” I grunt through clenched teeth.

“Oh, you’re a fine one to judge the falsity of anything,” she says. “Will you ever acknowledge the falsity of your own delusions and hallucinations? You can’t see what’s wrong with what your eyes see and your ears hear, yet you’re so sure his photos and documentation are faked? He’s a nice man. OK, he left you and your mom, but he wants to make amends. Why can’t you just forgive him?”

My head is bent down, looking at my shoes again. I’m fighting back sobs. Tears are forming in my eyes.

“Your own mother told you he left you and her,” my aunt says. “Where’d you get this weird idea that she killed your father with witchcraft?”

“She lied to me,” I’m sobbing. “That witch was a liar!

“Your very thoughts are lying to you,” my aunt says. “As soon as you come to accept that, you’ll begin to heal.”

“I abandoned you, Roger,” that man says. “I left you with a sick, disordered woman. I should never have done that. I was weak, irresponsible, and cowardly for doing that to you, and for that I am deeply sorry. I hope you’ll let me make it up to you.”

Now, I am bawling like a baby.

“Roger,…” he begins to say.

“No,” my aunt says, taking his arm. “Let’s leave him. Let him explore his thoughts a while, search his feelings. Maybe he’ll come to his senses.”

The two of them leave the room with the doctor. I’m no longer seeing white flames surrounding me. I really do see a padded cell, all white cushions for walls and the floor.

I’m still bawling my eyes out. Could it be true? Could that man really be my father? Did he abandon me, and leave me to the mercy of that horrible woman? Could he, my father, have been so unloving, so selfish, and so cruel? Could my father really have been so weak, so cowardly, so irresponsible, so contemptible?

My face is drowning in tears. My sobbing must be audible all over this…mental hospital. How embarrassing.

The idea I’ve had in my mind, that my father was a great man, murdered by my treacherous mother…is it just me kidding myself? Am I really so worthless as to be the offspring of such a feckless coward and a scheming bitch? Oh, that’s even worse, much worse!

No! This whole thing is a lie! That man is not my father! Surely, I come from better stock than that! Mama’s ghost tried to trick me there, to provoke my tears, but that was just a temporary weakness in me! This was all part of her plan to deceive me further!

I see that the white flames have returned. Mama is using them to trick me into thinking I’m deceiving myself again.

Still, I’ll go along with her plan. I’ll pretend I’ve accepted that man, even in my private thoughts. Then my conspirators will relax their hold on me, and I can figure out a way to escape this fiery prison.

And then, maybe, I’ll learn some more magic to stop Mama, and to save the world from the fiery hell of war she wants to impose on it.

‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Eight

I haven’t slept a wink all night. Though Mama’s ghost hasn’t penetrated my magic circle of protection, not even once, I’m still disturbed by what I saw in the mirror. I’ve just been lying here on the living room floor with my blanket and pillow, looking out the window, and seeing that glowing fire augmenting the light of the rising morning sun, the glow getting brighter and brighter, however slowly. The fire is coming closer to my apartment–I’m sure of it.

Somehow, Mama tricked me into doing a spell that has put me in Hell instead of her. She’s telling me that I’m my own worst enemy, rather than her. Such an idea is, of course, nonsense: she has always been, and always will be, my worst enemy. All my life, she tried to make me think that my problems have all been of my own creation, rather than a product of her scheming; this current problem was her tricking me into bringing the Hell of her presence ever closer to me.

I’ve gotta get something to eat. I’ll fix myself some cereal in the kitchen. As I pass the mirror, I just see myself, not her. Still, that fire outside is getting closer. In the kitchen now, I can see the glow of it in the window. I’ll go closer and get a better look at it.

Yes, I can see genuine fire burning some of the buildings in the distance! Mama isn’t here, in my zone of protection, but she’s coming to get me, for sure!

I’m pouring the cereal in my bowl, and it all looks okay. The milk I’m pouring into it also looks okay. Her ghost isn’t here with me, but she’s coming.

I’m eating it–it doesn’t taste strange or awful. At least I can satisfy my hunger with no problems…for now, that is.

Now that I’ve finished my cereal with no problems, I’ll go back into the living room and take a look out the large window leading out to the balcony to see how the fire looks out there…Oh, my God!

I see a fire all the way across the horizon, from the far left to the far right. I see it burning buildings in the distance, just as I saw through the kitchen window. It’s coming here slowly, but it’s surely coming–no doubt of it.

There’s no way I’m going to work today.

There’s no way I’m setting foot outside at all.

I’m sure that fire is surrounding my apartment and the city in general. I won’t be able to escape the city, so I’m staying here. I’ll burn to death here, but I’ll burn to death even sooner out there. I choose to stay alive as long as I can, in the hopes of thinking of something I can do to stop Mama’s ghost.

Maybe there’s a magical ritual I can find online that can reverse the spread of that fire. I’ll turn on my laptop and take a look. My WiFi is okay; the approaching Hell hasn’t de-activated it. I’ll have to rely on this instead of the library from now on.

I’ll just type something in the search engine…’how to get out of an inferno’…wait! What’s this here?

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Why am I seeing a Dante quote instead of practical advice for how to stop this fire? This must be Mama’s doing!

I see the fire through the window again. My eyes are wandering back to the mirror.

Mama’s in the reflection again, sitting where I should be seeing myself.

******************

I’ve stayed here at home for the past three days now. I can’t find any useful spells online; Mama’s ghost is preventing me from finding anything useful. Aunt Jane keeps trying to call me on my cellphone, which I’ve switched off. I’ve unplugged my landline, too. I won’t answer her emails to me on my laptop.

Why should she care if I’m not at work? It’s not like she needs me there to deal with an excess of customers. The economy is so bad that virtually nobody is going to Pet Valu to buy anything. My last day working there, before I got those verses from the library: how many people did I see come into the store to look around, let alone buy anything? You could count the total number of people on the fingers of one hand and still have a couple fingers to spare.

People especially won’t go there today, with the huge fire raging outside. I’m amazed it hasn’t reached my apartment yet: I just see a wall of orange flames blazing outside through the window.

The online newspapers I’ve been reading are still reporting on the downward spiral of the economy, with so many people losing their jobs. I’ve essentially lost mine, though I’m not regretting it.

The news is also discussing the escalating tensions between the US and NATO on one side and Russia, China, Iran, and now a number of African countries on the other. World War Three is coming for sure, if it hasn’t already. Maybe that’s what’s caused the fire outside–a conventional bombing, if not an outright nuclear attack, that the news doesn’t want to report, for fear of causing a panic.

Whatever is going on, I know that Mama’s ghost is behind it all! She’s sinking the economy, destroying the environment with global warming and wildfires, bringing a nuclear armageddon on us all, bringing Hell to Earth…all to spite me for using my protective magic against her. She’s relentless in her wish to torment me!

Hey, what’s this? Another email from Aunt Jane.

Oh, shit! It says, “We’re coming over,” in the email’s title.

We? Who’s coming with her? I’ll have to read it after all…No! Not that man!

Oh, please, no! I don’t wanna have to see or talk to him! Again, this is Mama’s ghost’s doing! She’s using Aunt Jane, possessing her body, to help torment me!

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! on the door. Oh, that made me jump!

DING, DONG! rings the doorbell.

“Go away!” I shout at whoever’s out there.

“Let us in, Roger!” the unmistakable voice of my aunt bellows from the other side of the door.

“I’ll never unlock the door for you and that man!”

“We figured you wouldn’t,” she says. “That’s why we got the landlord to bring his key!”

“Oh, no!” I say as I hear the key go in the lock. Mama’s ghost is bringing Hell into my home!

The door swings open, banging against the wall.

I scream at the top of my lungs, making my aunt and…that man…plug their ears with their hands as they enter. I see another hand, from an arm in a white T-shirt, pull the key out of the lock and disappear; I hear his footsteps walking away.

“What is the matter with you, Roger, screaming like that?” she says as the two of them approach me. “What a mess he looks like, with his hair sticking up like that, and the wildness in his eyes! We’ve got to get him to a psychiatrist,” she says to…that man.

It’s only the two of them–no landlord, whom I’ve never met, since Mama always dealt with him alone…unless, of course, that man is the landlord!

Yes, that’s it! This man, who’s always claiming to be my father, is the landlord! He’s come to evict me for not working and making money to pay this month’s rent. He and my aunt are grabbing me, taking me…to jail?

“Come on, Roger,” she’s saying as she and that landlord are pulling me up on my feet. “We’re taking you to a hospital. I should have done this with you right after your mother’s funeral.”

“Hospital, nonsense!” I shout as I’m struggling to break free of them, dragging my feet on the floor to stop them from dragging me outside. “You’re helping…the landlord here…throw me out…on the street!”

“Landlord?” he says, holding my left arm tightly. “Roger, I’m your father! I just want to be reunited with you, but you’re obviously unwell, and we need to get you to a doctor.”

“Liar!” I spit back at him as they’re getting me through the doorway and out into to the hall. “You’re both…working for…Mama’s ghost! She possessing…both of you!”

“The only one who’s…possessed…is you, Roger,” my aunt says in grunts as she’s struggling to get me to the elevator. “Mr. Morse, can you help us, please?”

“Of course,” a man in a white T-shirt and white pants says, obviously a man from the asylum they want to lock me up in. “Here I come. C’mon, Roger. We’re gonna take you somewhere nice and quiet, nice and peaceful.”

“Quiet?! Peaceful?!” I shout, hooking my feet outside the elevator entrance to stop them from getting me in. “You’re taking me…out into…the fires of Hell! Aaah!

“What a nutcase,” some woman behind me says. I’ve been shoved into the elevator. We’re going down.

The landlord must be evicting me because the fire outside has burned down the bank where Mama’s money was held. The money’s destroyed, so I can’t pay the rent anymore. Mama destroyed the money to ruin me! This is how she’s getting revenge on me for having killed her!

I’m outside now, where the fire is surrounding the apartment building. Oh, no!…They’re throwing me into the fire!

Oddly, I’m not burning, though. I’m floating down the street, moving as if in a van. Where am I going?

‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Seven

The combination of the magic circle I drew in my living room, the witch bottle I buried in that front corner of the lawn before my apartment building (still safely there, not dug out or anything), and the amulet I’m wearing and the sachet I have on me everywhere I go means Mama’s ghost can’t do anything to me directly with her magic.

But that doesn’t mean she can’t harm me indirectly.

Her magic can still negatively affect the world I live in. I noticed a way she could affect my life when I read the newspaper this morning. Not only is the world economy in the worst state I’ve ever known it to be in, for my whole life, but the US dollar is quickly losing value thanks to so may countries no longer trading in it, which will affect the economy here and thus affect my own purchasing power.

On top of all of this, tensions between the Western countries on one side, and Russia and China on the other side, mean we’re all coming closer and closer not only to World War Three, but also to nuclear war.

I’m sure Mama’s ghost is behind all of this trouble!

How can I make such an extravagant claim so confidently? As I have been walking to work today, I’ve been able to see, farther off past the tall buildings of the city, gigantic, brightly-coloured mushrooms towering above the cityscape and reaching for the sky! No, I don’t think they’re literally there: they’re a message from Mama, symbolizing the mushroom clouds of nuclear bombs. She’s warning me of what’s soon to come.

I decided to finish my shift first before going to the library and finding more magic books to learn of more ways to stop Mama’s magic. Aunt Jane was really mad at me yesterday for being late for my shift because of my detour to the occult store. She said that if I ever did that again, she’d immediately bring that man, “my father,” to my apartment and force me to meet him! (She knows that I don’t care if she fires me, but that being forced to meet him is unbearable to me.)

I’ve just walked into the store, and I see Aunt Jane at the cash register. She is scowling at me. I know it’s because of the amulet necklace I have on, and the bulge in my Pet Valu shirt breast pocket, where I keep the sachet. This, of course, is Mama’s doing, an attempt to get me to remove them from my person. Aunt Jane objected to them yesterday, too. It didn’t dissuade me from wearing them then, and it won’t dissuade me today.

“Oh, I do wish you’d get rid of those silly things,” she groans at me. “They don’t go with your uniform.”

“Uniform?” I say. “It’s just a shirt.”

“I mean that they take away from the uniformity of your look as a Pet Valu employee,” she says with an impatient sigh. “I’m wearing the shirt, too, but I have no necklace distracting people from it, and no bulge in my pocket distracting people from it, either.”

“If you don’t like them so much, then fire me.”

“In this shrinking economy, with the falling value of the dollar, your mom’s inheritance money might not last that long.”

“I’ll figure out a way to keep going.”

“Then I’ll bring your father over to your home to meet you.”

“You do that, and I’ll quit immediately!”

“Oh, just get back there, punch in, and take over here at the cash register,” she hisses. “I have work I need to do at the back. Hurry up. Impossible kid.”

There she goes again: “Impossible kid.” Just like Mama used to call me. I swear, her ghost is possessing Aunt Jane’s body, trying to get me to get rid of my amulet and sachet. Her reference to the worsening economy is further proof that Mama’s behind it: the news only just came out in today’s paper: she’d hardly have had time to read about it.

I won’t be surprised if Aunt Jane later on today says something about nuclear war.

OK, I’ve punched in, and I’m on my way back to the cash register; but my amulet and sachet are staying right where they’re supposed to be. I don’t want to see anything at all surreal while I have to work. I don’t think Aunt Jane will appreciate me freaking out in front of our customers if I see animal heads on them.

I’ve been standing at this cash register for hours now, and not one customer has walked through the door. Previously, at least a few would have come in by now.

Bad economy…it’s all Mama’s doing.

It’s a good thing I have a chair here, otherwise, my legs would be in agony by now.

What’s that? Out the window, I’m seeing flashes of light that shouldn’t be there. They look like explosions from far off. I’m sure they’re not really there–just like the giant, towering mushrooms I saw on the way here–but just more of Mama’s ghost warning me of what’s to come in the not-all-that-distant future.

This is the best she can do to trouble me.

This is why I must keep my amulet and sachet with me.

And this is why I must go right to the library after work.

I just hope I can find some powerful spells and rituals to keep her not only from affecting our lives on Earth, but also to keep her soul trapped in Hell…where it belongs.

Aunt Jane just came up from the back. She’s looking around the empty store with wide eyes.

“We still don’t have any customers?” she asks. “We haven’t had one all day. Surely the economy isn’t that bad, is it? Seriously, it’s as if the whole world was wiped out with nuclear weapons, and you and I are the only people left on Earth.”

I told you she’d mention nuclear war. Mama’s ghost is possessing Aunt Jane, for sure.

**************

Well, I’ve finished my shift, and I’m on my way to the library. I can see those huge mushrooms towering in the background, behind the tallest of buildings again. Those flashes of light keep popping up in the sky, too. Oh, yeah, Mama’s influence is still being felt in the world, even if it isn’t directly touching me…yet.

Oh, God! There’s that man again, across the street, looking at me and hoping to get my attention. At least he has his human head, thanks to my amulet and sachet. Oh, please don’t follow me into the library! I’m going in there to read, not have a whispered conversation with a total stranger about his nonsensical fantasies of being my father.

I’ve entered the library, and thank God, he didn’t follow me here. Now I’ll just have to get to the occult section and hope I find something–an incantation, a spell, a ritual–that will put Mama in Hell and keep her imprisoned in there, never able to bother me or anyone else on Earth ever again.

Here we are. I’ll just look at all of the book spines on these shelves here until I find a title that looks as if it will cater to my needs.

Hmm…I read those books the last time, useless. Oh, and these here gave me the ideas for the magic circle, the witch bottle, the amulet, and the sachet…and…no, that doesn’t look helpful…nor that…nor that…and on the next shelf,…

Hey, what’s this? How to Banish Evil Spirits Forever. That looks good–I’ll take that one out. And hey, what’s this over here? Send the Devils Back to Hell. I’ll look at this one, too.

At a table here, I’ve been flipping through the pages of these two books for the past fifteen to twenty minutes, and having found a chant from the first book I found, I haven’t yet found something suitable from the second one. What’s in this chapter…? Hey, this might work!

Like the chant in the first book, this one is in another of those ancient, mystical languages. The English translation suggests that this is a good one:

Whoever troubles you the most in life,
Be that soul I, or you, or he, or she,
May these words trap him in eternal strife,
Imprisoned in a hell of misery.

That looks perfect for Mama’s ghost! The pronunciation of the words of the original language seems easy enough; there’s no pronunciation guide anywhere in the book for the language, so I guess that means it’s easy enough to say correctly. The same is true for the language of the chant in the first book. These two seem to be just what I need to prevent Mama from getting into any more mischief. My actions tonight will save not only myself, but the rest of the world, too.

That will make me a hero…if only the world knew.

***************

On my way home now, I’m seeing more flashing lights all around, which are revealing those giant mushrooms, normally hidden in the dark night sky. No worries: after I chant these verses, the flashes and mushrooms will be gone forever. You’re gonna lose, Mama!

I especially like what I read of the English translation of the first chant. It went like this, as I recall:

You evil spirit, I lock you away,
Away from harming others, and yourself.
From your stony cell, you’ll never stray;
You’ll languish there as if left on a shelf.

Very odd rhymes that the translator chose, but the verse seems to express exactly what I need it to say. I just hope I enunciate the verses correctly; as easy as they seem to be to pronounce, there’s always the possibility that I’m assuming too much, and I’ll get something wrong, something crucial.

What are those footsteps I hear behind me. I’d better take a look, though I’ll probably dread who I see…oh, no! That man again!

I guess I should be grateful that I’m still not seeing an elephant’s head on him. He’s running..I’d better run, too.

“Oh, come on, Roger!” he shouts. “Can’t a man talk to his only son?”

“You’re not my father!” I shout. “Go away!”

I’ve managed to outrun him, and I’ve arrived at my apartment. My witch bottle is still safely buried. Good.

OK, I’m inside, and my door is locked. I’ll go over to my magic circle in the living room with my book of notes from the library. I’ll set candles along the periphery of the circle, light them, then turn off the electric lights.

Good: everything’s ready, and I can chant the verses:

O, khalma, lakshmik oka tun
abalka no pushama tei.
Ko mukli toma halba dak;
Mo talma guri sho hanab.

OK, that’s the first verse done; now for the second:

Bidi lirma ota katun
Waga kulmi noto dalad,
Sumerut hoda gasho birit,
Othalmot juki nerob ratas.

Well, that’s it. I guess Mama’s locked away in Hell forever…if I chanted the verses correctly, that is. I’ll get up and look around to see if everything’s OK.

I’m not seeing any flashes of light from out the windows. I’ll go over and take a closer look.

There aren’t any giant mushrooms, that’s a good sign. Still no flashes of light, though I see a strange glow from far off into the horizon. It’s as if the sun hadn’t quite set, yet it’s far too late at night for there to be any sun at all.

It isn’t surreal, what I’m seeing, as it always has been. It doesn’t look supernatural or threatening, as before. It just looks…odd.

Oh, I’m probably just overreacting! There’s probably a perfectly rational explanation for that glow, and I just don’t know what it is. I don’t have to know what everything is for there to be reasonable explanations for unusual phenomena.

It could be a forest fire. There have been lots of wildfires in recent years because of global warming. There could be some…science thing…going on over there that involves lights being turned on, I don’t know.

If it’s me seeing that, it could just be one of my more typical, milder hallucinations, a reflection of my fears and worries about Mama. I’ll just forget about it for now, because I need to get some sleep. If that glow grows into something bigger, I’ll worry about it tomorrow.

I’ll just go to the fridge for a drink of water before going to sleep in the circle…what?

In the mirror reflection…I’m not seeing myself.

I’m seeing…her.

It’s not her with me–it’s just her, standing in my position.

She isn’t grinning malevolently at me, as she used to.

She’s frowning in fear…exactly as I am.

When I move, she moves the exact same way.

I look down at myself and see myself, not her.

But her every movement in the reflection is my own movement.

It’s as if the mirror were telling me that I am her. Mama and I would have to be one and the same person. I can’t look at her anymore; I have to look away, to the windows.

That glow outside seems a little brighter, isn’t it?

‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Six

Oh, wow! That was such a restful sleep I had! I can see the morning sun shining through the window to my left, welcoming me to go outside. I know I can go outside of this circle on my living room floor, and even just outside my apartment building, with no fear of the magic of Mama’s ghost causing me such problems as she did for me last night.

How am I so free of fear? Because of my witch bottle, of course! I was already safe as soon as I made it and consecrated it with that verse I’d chanted to consecrate the magic circle.

When I left the circle with the witch bottle in my hand, my body didn’t change at all, the way it did so shockingly last night. Mama’s ghost was still frowning at me from the living room mirror, a good sign that she couldn’t do anything to harm me or frustrate me. I took the bottle and a shovel outside, dug a hole in the front lawn as planned, a small hole in the corner–where the lawn met the sidewalk and the driveway–where no one would notice much of a change in the look of the area, and I buried the bottle there.

I returned to my apartment with perfect safety–no bizarre changes to my body or anything else like that. I returned to my circle, this time with my bedroom blanket and pillow. I lay there on the floor, saw Mama’s ghost frowning in the mirror reflection again, and closed my eyes with a peaceful smile on my face. I fell asleep within a few minutes.

Now I can eat some cereal with no fear that she’s going to change it into something disgusting and inedible. I’m up, I’ve gone out of the circle with no problems, and I can confidently eat my breakfast.

I see myself in that mirror all looking normal. Mama’s ghost isn’t even there anymore, scowling or smiling. I guess she doesn’t want to see me gloating at her.

I’m eating a bowl of Shreddies in the kitchen now, and sure enough nothing is wrong. Oh, I feel so much better knowing that I’ve developed magical abilities to thwart her power! Thus encouraged, I’m sure to learn more so I can keep her from doing anything worse to me, or to the rest of the world.

Now that I’ve finished my delicious breakfast, I can take a shower, get dressed, and go to do my shift at the Pet Valu store. Of course, once I’ve gone far enough away from my apartment, my protective magic won’t be able to stop Mama from engaging in any more mischief. I’ll need protection for everywhere I go.

I’ll need to buy an amulet or a sachet.

I think I know a place downtown, an occult store. I can go there and look around. I just hope Mama doesn’t do anything to prevent me from getting there and finding something good.

***********

OK, I finished my shower and put on some fresh clothes, still with no problems. I just have to get outside and over to that downtown store safely. Mama’s ghost will be so mad at me for stopping her here at home that she’ll surely want to get revenge on me.

What am I going to do to protect myself on the way to that store? What if I chanted that verse I used to sanctify the circle and witch bottle? What if I chanted it over and over again, with no breaks in between? Hey, that just might work!

Since getting to the store is priority, I’ll have to be late for my shift at the pet food store. Oh, well: what is Aunt Jane going to do, fire me? She’d only be doing me a favour.

Well, I’m outside now, and I’ve walked past the spot where I buried the witch bottle. I’m walking on the sidewalk, getting farther and farther away from my apartment building, and so far, nothing crazy has happened.

But it’s sure to start happening any second now.

To be on the safe side, I’d better start chanting that verse.

Wana baka waigo,
Iman kuchi zdega
Kalu bodi gana.
Sibako woli zuku.

Wow, just as I started chanting the first line of the verse, I saw the nose of a man about to walk past me turn into a snake, yet my words quickly made the snake dissolve and turn back into a nose just as he passed me! Of the other people on the sidewalk about to pass me, I’m seeing green, slithery noses on them, too! I’d better keep chanting: Wana baka waigo…

Good, their noses are back to normal, too. Iman kuchi zdega…

Everything is staying normal…good. Kalu bodi gana…

I think I’ll be safe for the rest of the walk to the occult store. Sibako woli zuku.

Hey, who is that trio of boys coming up at me from behind? Wana baka waigo…They look familiar, kids who have annoyed me in the past.

“Hey, it’s that psycho freak, Roger Gunn!” one of the brats calls out from just behind my right ear. Iman kuchi zdega…

I feel a hard shove on my back from one of them.

“Leave me alone!” I shout at them, looking back at them with a scowl that, of course, does nothing to deter them.

What I see of them when I look back, though…

Instead of human faces on the three boys, I see the faces of pigs, with huge, mucus-moistened snouts! Now, instead of taunts, I’m hearing oinks and grunts.

This is what I get when I forget to keep chanting.

But instead of chanting the verse again, I’m running. I want to get away from those kids, porcine or not.

Of course, the three of them are running after me. I can hear the clanking sound of what sounds like six huge metallic robotic feet clomping on the sidewalk. I still hear grunting. I’m running as fast as I can. Wana…baka…waigo…

The metallic clanking is now just a sextet of sneaker footfalls. Iman…kuchi…zdega…No more oinking, but I can still hear those three brats running behind me. Kalu…bodi…gana… I hear their taunts.

“Who are you…talking to, you fucking…mental case?”

“There’s no one there…to talk to, you know that, right?”

“You’re seeing…and hearing things! Get therapy, you nut job!”

A few more blocks, and I’ll reach the occult store.

I just made the traffic light, and those kids didn’t make it…good. Looking back, I can see they’ve stopped chasing me. Still, I’d better resume my chanting, for I see their pig-faces and metallic feet again. Sibako woli zuku…

It’s so good not having to run anymore. I won’t be chanting the words while panting, weakening their effectiveness. Wana baka waigo…

I can see the sign of the store down the street. Good, I’m almost there. Iman kuchi zdega…

OK, here it is: Arnie’s Arcana. In I go…

Wait a minute–instead of seeing shelves of books and other merchandise in a well-lit store, I’m seeing a dark cave with stalactites and stalagmites. I forgot to chant again: Kalu bodi gana…

There, that’s better–a brightly-lit store with everything clearly displayed. Sibako woli zuku. Now, I just have to find the amulets and sachets. Wana baka waigo…

Books on ceremonial magic…Iman kuchi zdega… Books for Wiccans…Kalu bodi gana…Let me get past all these books…Sibako woli zuku…

Here’s a bunch of assorted merchandise, small things–maybe I’ll find the amulets and sachets here.

“Hello, can I help you?” a worker in the store asks me. “Are you looking for anything in particular?”

“Do you have any amulets or sachets?” I ask.

It’s getting darker. The stalactites and stalagmites are coming back…

“Oof!” I just tripped over a tall stalagmite.

“Are you OK, Sir?” she asks.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say.

Then I look up at her.

Instead of seeing a normal woman’s face, I see three black, snaky appendages coming from her cheeks and forehead, at the end of each of which is a bat, trying to bite at my face! “Oh, my God!” I yell as I scramble to get back up and away from her.

“Sir, what’s wrong?” she asks, but with the squeaking voice of a bat with the ability to speak. “Surely, I’m not that ugly.” She laughs nervously, but with the squeaky bat voice.

“No, it’s not that,” I say, then, “Wana baka waigo.

The bat appendages dissolve, and the dark cave lights up into a well-lit store again. “Iman kuchi zdega.”

“The amulets and sachets are over there, in the corner, Sir,” she says in her normal voice, gesturing to that corner, where I run in a spastic frenzy.

Kalu bodi gana,” I say in a tremulous voice as I frantically look over the amulets and sachets. As I’m looking them over, trying to focus on which ones look the best, I see the store darkening again. “Sibako woli zuku.” It lights up again.

“Sir, I know it’s none of my business, but have you thought about seeing a doctor?” she asks, sneering at me.

“No, I just need to buy these,” I say, holding up a sachet and an amulet I’ve chosen. “How much are they?”

The store darkens again, and instead of seeing her arms reach out to take the amulet and sachet to find the price tags I was too nervous to find myself, I see two long snakes grab them with their teeth, also biting my hands!

Oww!” I shout, then pull my hands back to suck on the bite wounds.

“Sir, I never hurt you,” she says, in her bat squeaks, those three bats flying out from her face again and trying to bite at my face again. One of them bites my left ear.

Aah!” I scream. “Let’s hurry to the cash register so I can pay for them. Quickly! Wana baka waigo!” The store lights up again, she’s back to normal, and we’re at the cash register.

“That’ll be $27.46, Sir,” she says with fear in her eyes. “Will that be cash, or charge?”

“Cash,” I say, then slap three ten dollar bills on the counter. The store is going dark and cavernous again, and a snake-arm takes the money and bites my hand before I can take it away. “Oww!

I fumble with the amulet, which is attached to a necklace, before putting it around my neck. As I hold it and look at it, I say, “Wana baka waigo, Iman kuchi zdega Kali bodi gana. Sibako woli zuku.” The store lights up again, and she looks normal again, with harmless arms.

Yes, she looks normal, alright…except for the terrified look on her face.

Now I’m staring at the sachet I bought and am holding in my hand, repeating the four-line verse to sanctify it, too. I put it in the chest pocket of my Pet Valu shirt, I look at the clerk, and slowly regain my breath. “I’m sorry about that, Miss,” I tell her.

“Sir, are you alright now?” she asks, her eyes getting teary. “You really gave me a scare there. Were you hallucinating or something?”

“Ma’am, this store sells magic stuff, does it not?” I ask rather petulantly as I feel my heartbeat slowing down. “If you sell that stuff, surely you also believe in magic, right? Some people who practice magic are witches, right?” She’s been nodding nervously to my reasoning. “Now, a witch has been using magic on me, making me see monstrous things. That’s why I needed to buy these things, to protect myself from her. I bought them, I’ve sanctified them, and now everything is OK. Thank you. I’ll go now.”

She’s too shaken up to say goodbye as I walk out of the store.

On the street and still shaking, but grateful to see everything all normal again, I feel my cellphone ringing in my pocket. I take it out. “Hello?”

“Roger?” Aunt Jane says. “Where the hell are you? You were supposed to be here ten minutes ago.”

Instead of answering, I can’t stop laughing.

‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Five

I’m in my apartment now; I just slammed the door shut behind me and locked it. I have a box of white chalk in my bedroom desk drawer. I’ll run over there, take a piece of chalk from it, and draw the circle on the wooden floor in the living room.

I’m in such a frantic state, drawing this circle in such a hurry. I’m sure it isn’t a perfect circle, the radii all equidistant from the centre, but it seems close enough. I don’t remember any passages in the books I read saying anything about the magic circle having to be perfectly round. I’m just so scared after seeing that ‘elephant man’ on the street behind me, one of Mama’s spells, that I want this magic circle of protection finished and ready as soon as possible.

Oh, shit! I forgot to get that large ruler I also have in my bedroom desk drawer, the one under where I had the box of chalk. I’m so frantic to get this done, I’m not thinking straight, and making myself take needless extra trips! Anyway, I’ll get the ruler, then use the chalk to draw a pentacle in the circle.

There, the lines are as straight as I could make them, and measured as equally apart from each other as I could make them. Again, they aren’t perfect, but close enough. I’m in a hurry to keep Mama out, and I must balance accuracy with urgency.

And now, I’ll light five candles and put one at each point of the pentacle touching the circle; then I’ll turn off the lights. Mama had a box of candles in one of the kitchen drawers. I’ll get them…Oh, where are they?! Here they are. There’s a lighter in here, too–how convenient.

There…all the candles are lit, and I can turn off the lights now. My notebook is in the circle, so I can get in and chant that verse to sanctify this zone of protection. I hope my pronunciation of the words of the ancient language is close enough to be effective; I hope their spelling in the ABCs is consistent with English pronunciation. Here goes:

Wana baka waigo,
Iman kuchi zdega
Kalu bodi gana.
Sibato woli zuku.

Whoa! Suddenly, I feel this warm vibration all around me. It’s soothing. My magic must be working! I must have done it all right, or at least well enough. I feel safe in here. Mama can’t get at me!

Oh, what peace of mind! I can go to sleep here. I’m warm enough for now; I won’t need my blanket. I’ll just get a cushion off the sofa, which is just outside the circle, and use it for a pillow.

Ooh! When my hand went out of the circle to grab the cushion, my hand felt a little chill. For a few seconds there, it felt none of the soothing vibrations in here. There really is a clear difference between my zone of safety and everything outside.

Hey, out there, the mirror on the far wall, just beside the TV. I see not only my reflection, but also the image of some horrible-looking old woman with long, shaggy grey hair. In the dark, the face isn’t easy to see.

Oh, that must be Mama’s ghost! She’s frowning, obviously mad because she cannot get at me in here. Well, good: let her be mad. I’m safe in here. I’m glad she’s mad.

I’ll bet she’s mad not only because the magic circle and pentacle are keeping her out, but also because she hates the messy chalk marks on the wooden floor. She was always a neat freak, yelling at me for being a “slob,” as she’d always called me. Well, she can’t do anything about my messiness now, not as long as I stay in this circle.

Of course, I’ll have to leave the circle for this and that.

Oh well, I’m not worrying about that now.

I’m getting some sleep. I’m exhausted. I’ll curl up in a fetal position so I don’t kick over any of the candles.

**************

Uh-oh. I gotta take a piss!

How long was I sleeping? Let me click the light on my watch. It’s 12:00 midnight now; I slept for about three hours. The bathroom’s out in front of me to the right. In between the bathroom and the mirror by the TV is the hallway leading to the front door. To get to the bathroom isn’t far, of course, but it’s well outside of my circle.

And that mirror. I can see Mama’s ghost there, looking right at me. She isn’t frowning any more.

Now she’s grinning at me.

With those cruel eyes of hers.

I can’t hold it in any longer. I have to pee.

Whatever she does, I’ll just have to deal with it. I can’t be like Howard Hughes and piss in bottles just to stay in this circle. I’ll have to go out for other things, anyway: crapping, getting food, going to work…

Ugh! I’m already hating this life.

Anyway, I’ve gotta go.

I can see her grinning at me in the reflection.

She’s waiting for me to sprint.

Oh, well, Mama. Have at me.

This has to have been the maddest dash ever. I banged my foot on the bathroom door as I was racing in here. Oww, that hurt!

Unzip my pants, whip it out…aahh

As it’s pouring into the toilet bowl, I’m trying to resist the temptation to look at myself in the bathroom mirror on the medicine cabinet. I don’t want to see Mama’s ghastly face there.

Oh, I finally emptied myself. That feels much better. I’ll zip myself up and wash my hands, keeping my face down so as not to see the mirror reflection.

Pour the water on my hands. Lather up the soap. As I’m rubbing the lather on my hands, I can feel my heart pounding and my body shaking.

She hasn’t done anything yet, thank God, but I’m still vulnerable out here. I’ve got to finish up here and get back in my circle as fast as possible.

OK, I’m rinsing the soap off…come on, hurry up and get all off my hands! There, now I’ll just get a towel and wipe them dry…there.

Hang the towel back on the towel rack on the wall behind me, there. And now I can get out of…

What? I just absent-mindedly looked in the mirror. I don’t see Mama with me, but I…don’t see myself…in it, either.

Instead, I see…

My God, this is the sickest hallucination I’ve ever had!

My head is a giant nose! It’s got tiny eyes on it.

On the tip of the nose is a small foot!

Below the foot is an…asshole?

I’m touching my ‘head,’ and feeling the big nose; I’m touching my ‘nose,’ and feeling the tiny, wiggling toes on the foot. I’m inhaling, and smelling…shit.

I scream out loud, but hear the roar of a huge fart. As I’m running out of the bathroom, hearing Mama’s cackling the whole time, it’s awkward for me: as I stagger toward the circle, I look down at my feet, but I see hands there instead!

Finally, I reach the circle, falling into it.

Whoa, that couldn’t have just been one of my hallucinations! I never see or hear things anywhere near that surreal! A man with the head of a blue elephant? My head as a giant nose with eyes on it? My nose as a little foot? My mouth as an anus? My feet as hands? These were all Mama’s magic, surely!

I can see her in that mirror reflection over there, still grinning and laughing at me. I see myself with the nose-head, the foot-nose, and the asshole-mouth. As I feel my face, everything feels normal here: I can feel my hair, my forehead, eyebrows, eyes, nose, ears, and mouth. I’m looking down and seeing my feet as feet.

I can see the clear difference between how it is inside the circle and outside. My magic circle of protection clearly works. I just have to have protection for when I have to go outside of it.

That will mean making a witch bottle. I’ll get a bottle of lemonade out of the fridge, drink it all down, wash it, get some scissors, and clip my nails and some of my hair to put in the empty bottle. Then I’ll piss in it. Since it’s past midnight now, I’ll go out and bury it on the front lawn outside as soon as it’s ready.

Well, I guess I’m gonna have my nose-head, etc., for a while. Off to the kitchen for that bottle!

As soon as I’ve come outside the circle, I’ve felt my feet turn back into hands. I’m clumsily making my way to the kitchen. Time to open the fridge…

What? My hands are feet!

I’ll have to go down on my ass and open the fridge with my feet-hands. This is going to be awkward…there. Reaching up to get the bottle…more awkwardness…there. It’s too awkward for me to drink with my feet-hands. I’ll have to put the bottle between my hands-feet, and drink it down that way. Off with the cap, first.

Gulp it down my asshole-mouth…Eww! The lemonade is piss!

What a mess I’ve made all over the kitchen floor after spitting it out. That was stupid of me: of course, Mama was going to change more things, upset me more, and thwart my plans! I should take the bottle with the scissors back to the circle and do everything there. The scissors are in the kitchen drawer…there, got ’em with my foot-hand. Back to the circle.

Oh, shit! I forgot to put the cap back on the bottle. As I’m staggering back to the circle, I’m spilling piss on myself!

Finally, I’m back in. My body’s back to normal, and my lemonade is real lemonade. I’ll gulp this all down, clip my nails and snip off a bit of my hair, and put them in the empty bottle. I’d rather piss my own piss into it than trust the piss Mama put into the bottle outside the circle, for obvious reasons.

There, I drank it all down, and I’m glad I got rid of that horrible piss-taste in my mouth. Oh, I can see Mama’s ghost in the mirror; she isn’t smiling anymore. That scowl on her withered face is really reassuring.

I’ll just clip all my fingernails…there…put them in the bottle. I guess I don’t need to wash it; if I did, she’d still be smiling, waiting for me to come back out to use the kitchen sink, then have a chance to frustrate my hopes once again. There, I’ve cut off some hair, and put it in, too.

Now I’ll just wait to pee, and after that, chant those sacred, ancient words to sanctify the bottle. Then I’ll bury it outside, and I should be all the safer from Mama’s ghost.

Tomorrow, I’ll go find a shop that sells amulets and sachets.

Hey, I feel a piss coming on. Unzip, and let it out…aahh!

I’ll chant that verse again, then go back to sleep.

I see Mama’s really frowning in that mirror reflection.

Good.

‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Four

A week has passed since I had that nightmare, or vision, or whatever it was. Nothing crazy has happened since then; Mama’s ghost hasn’t done anything to upset me. She’s probably just taking her time with me–starting slowly and gradually building up, knowing that that dream, or vision, would be enough to disturb me for at least a week.

As I’ve walked to work and back home, I haven’t even seen that man trying to get my attention. Didn’t Mom want me to talk to him, according her her taunts, speaking through other people’s mouths?

Anyway, I’m in the Pet Valu store now, at the cash register, waiting for customers to come in. My aunt is using the washroom at the moment.

This is so stupid–me continuing to work here, when Mama left me so much money that I could just stay at home and never need to work again! If Aunt Jane wants to take over Mom’s business, for a way to pass the time, that’s her business; but she could easily hire someone to replace me…why won’t she?

I just heard the toilet flush in the back. She can come back here and be bored at the cash register while I face cans, or something. Here she comes.

“I can take over here, Roger,” she says.

“Good,” I snort, then step aside for her.

“Why the grumpy attitude?” she asks me with a scowl.

“I’m sick of it here,” I say. “Why don’t you find someone else to do this job? I don’t need the money. You know Mama left me enough to live on.”

“I already told you why, Roger. Your mother told me months ago, when she felt her health declining, that she wanted you to continue working, in spite of the objections she predicted you would make, so you would stay in contact with other people. That’s why I agreed to take over the pet food store when she died. We worry about you, Roger, that is, the whole family does. If you quit your job here, you’ll just sit around at home all day and all night, doing nothing but watching TV or wasting time online–probably looking at porn or something–avoiding people, and just rotting away in isolation. Having this job keeps you around people. It keeps you functioning on at least some level of normality. It’s good for you.”

I groan in annoyance at all of these words. The last thing that interacting with people has ever been is good for me; but try to convince my aunt to see the truth in that!

“I guess I’ll go face the cans,” I say with a sigh.

“Actually, there are some bags of Iams at the back,” she says. “They’re too big and heavy for me to lift. I need you to pick them up and put them under the older ones.”

“OK.” I walk over to the back.

At least I’d managed to talk her out of moving in with me, back when she suggested the idea…to watch over me, and make sure I “wasn’t doing anything foolish.” Her living in the apartment with me would be beyond awkward.

Just as I’ve been thinking about her interfering in my life, think of the Devil, and she appears.

I’m putting the older bags of Iams dog food on the two new bags I got from the back, and she has just arrived. I can feel her standing behind me.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, Roger, if you’ve talked to your father yet,” she says, causing me to groan in annoyance. “A few days ago, he told me he tried to get your attention when you were coming here or going home, and you just kept ignoring him, so he gave up trying. Have you spoken to him since then?”

“Of course not,” I say, then hiss between clenched teeth, “And he’s not my father. My father is dead. And even if he were alive, my real father couldn’t be such a foolish looking fellow as he.”

“How can you be so sure he isn’t your father if you never even find out? Why would he pretend?”

“Because he’s delusional, of course!”

“Roger, you’re hardly the one to be judging the mental stability of others, with your tendency to see and hear things. Don’t project your faults onto others…and don’t talk to me in that tone!”

“If you don’t like the way I talk to you, then just fire me!”

“You’re not getting out of this job, and out of the social world, this easily. You are going to meet him sooner or later, even if I have to bring him over to your apartment.”

“Oh, God, just leave me alone, would you?”

“Just get back to those bags, and watch your mouth,” she says, then walks away in a huff. “Impossible kid,” I hear her say under her breath.

Yeah, impossible “kid.” Mama always used to call me a kid, even well into my adulthood. I heard her call me that a few times even days before she died. I was never an adult to her, because she didn’t want me to be one. I had to remain a child in a man’s body for her, so she could control me better. She ruined my life with her witchcraft, and she seems to have come back to life in the form of my Aunt Jane. Or perhaps her spirit is possessing my aunt…that could be it!

Either way, I’m no freer than when Mama was alive.

Maybe this is it: maybe she’s using her magic in a subtle way. Could Mama’s spirit be worried that I, having learned a little magic of my own, might learn more, develop my skills at it, grow in power, and thus be a threat to her? It’s possible…unlikely, but possible.

Perhaps I can make it less unlikely if I really do make more of a study of the magic arts. In any case, she’ll keep persecuting me, and causing more and more mischief for the rest of the world, regardless of whether I try to stop her or not…so I’d better try learning more.

After work, I’m going back to the library.

*************

Here I am, at a table with a dozen or so books about how to communicate with, influence, and protect oneself from the spirit world. I’ve already spent several hours jotting down notes in the hope that they’ll help me against Mama.

I have no way of knowing if any of the books I’ve chosen are authoritative or if they’ve all been written by quacks and charlatans. If they’re any good at all, have I written down the better information from them, or have I just written down a bunch of useless nonsense?

In any case, what I have learned has at least given me some hope that I can stop Mama. It will improve my chances of sleeping tonight, if it doesn’t do anything else for me.

It’s getting late. I see nothing but black out that window over there to my right. I’d better put these books away and go home. I can read more from them tomorrow, and I can find more information online on my laptop, if I feel like it.

**********

I’m walking on a sidewalk with the library behind me, lampposts giving me some light in an otherwise starless, black night. It will be at least another ten blocks or so before I reach my apartment. The darkness is ominous.

A few of the spells I read about looked as if they could be effective. In my living room, I can use a piece of chalk or something to draw a magic circle on the floor, draw a pentacle in it, and chant the verse I wrote down to sanctify it.

If the spell works, that is, if it keeps Mama out, I can get my sleeping bag and sleep there, with the TV and my laptop handy to keep me entertained.

As for when I need to leave that zone of protection, another thing I learned from those books is that I can get an amulet or a witch bottle, something I can take with me anywhere for protection against Mama’s ghost. I hope buying such things won’t gouge out too much of my money.

I could fill the witch bottle with my urine, hair or nail clippings, or maybe with rosemary or red wine, if I find pissing into it to be too disgusting. I could bury the bottle in the dirt on the front lawn of my apartment building; I’ll do it at night, so no one sees me and tries to stop me.

The amulet could be a necklace of some kind that I can wear everywhere, never taking it off, for extra protection. I could buy a sachet, or Chinese xiangbao, to ward off Mama’s evil. All of these extra precautions should keep me safe; if none of them work, I really have no idea of what I’m going to do.

Hey…are those footsteps I’m hearing behind me? At this time of night, there are few pedestrians walking about, and there were none on the sidewalk as I left the almost-empty library, and I haven’t seen one person walking here since. Am I imagining the footsteps? Dare I look behind me?

Those aren’t my own footsteps, are they? Is my mind exaggerating the sound, making an imaginary echo? I’ll keep walking and listening: a pair of footfalls, or two pairs of them?

I’m hearing two pairs–no echo.

There’s no way I’m going to stop walking. In fact, I’m going to start walking faster, with long strides.

The person behind me is doing the same thing.

He…or she…sounds really close behind, too.

“Roger, please,” the male voice behind me says. “Can I have a minute to talk to you?”

Oh, God. It’s that guy again! Fine, I’ll talk to him. I’ll tell him to go away, as rude as I can be.

“Listen, buddy, can you fu…?” I begin as I’m turning my head back to see him. But what I end up seeing–illuminated by a nearby lamppost–is a man’s body with the head of a blue elephant!

“Roger, I can prove to you that I am your fa…” he begins.

But I’m already running, screaming, before that thing can finish its sentence.