‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Seven

The combination of the magic circle I drew in my living room, the witch bottle I buried in that front corner of the lawn before my apartment building (still safely there, not dug out or anything), and the amulet I’m wearing and the sachet I have on me everywhere I go means Mama’s ghost can’t do anything to me directly with her magic.

But that doesn’t mean she can’t harm me indirectly.

Her magic can still negatively affect the world I live in. I noticed a way she could affect my life when I read the newspaper this morning. Not only is the world economy in the worst state I’ve ever known it to be in, for my whole life, but the US dollar is quickly losing value thanks to so may countries no longer trading in it, which will affect the economy here and thus affect my own purchasing power.

On top of all of this, tensions between the Western countries on one side, and Russia and China on the other side, mean we’re all coming closer and closer not only to World War Three, but also to nuclear war.

I’m sure Mama’s ghost is behind all of this trouble!

How can I make such an extravagant claim so confidently? As I have been walking to work today, I’ve been able to see, farther off past the tall buildings of the city, gigantic, brightly-coloured mushrooms towering above the cityscape and reaching for the sky! No, I don’t think they’re literally there: they’re a message from Mama, symbolizing the mushroom clouds of nuclear bombs. She’s warning me of what’s soon to come.

I decided to finish my shift first before going to the library and finding more magic books to learn of more ways to stop Mama’s magic. Aunt Jane was really mad at me yesterday for being late for my shift because of my detour to the occult store. She said that if I ever did that again, she’d immediately bring that man, “my father,” to my apartment and force me to meet him! (She knows that I don’t care if she fires me, but that being forced to meet him is unbearable to me.)

I’ve just walked into the store, and I see Aunt Jane at the cash register. She is scowling at me. I know it’s because of the amulet necklace I have on, and the bulge in my Pet Valu shirt breast pocket, where I keep the sachet. This, of course, is Mama’s doing, an attempt to get me to remove them from my person. Aunt Jane objected to them yesterday, too. It didn’t dissuade me from wearing them then, and it won’t dissuade me today.

“Oh, I do wish you’d get rid of those silly things,” she groans at me. “They don’t go with your uniform.”

“Uniform?” I say. “It’s just a shirt.”

“I mean that they take away from the uniformity of your look as a Pet Valu employee,” she says with an impatient sigh. “I’m wearing the shirt, too, but I have no necklace distracting people from it, and no bulge in my pocket distracting people from it, either.”

“If you don’t like them so much, then fire me.”

“In this shrinking economy, with the falling value of the dollar, your mom’s inheritance money might not last that long.”

“I’ll figure out a way to keep going.”

“Then I’ll bring your father over to your home to meet you.”

“You do that, and I’ll quit immediately!”

“Oh, just get back there, punch in, and take over here at the cash register,” she hisses. “I have work I need to do at the back. Hurry up. Impossible kid.”

There she goes again: “Impossible kid.” Just like Mama used to call me. I swear, her ghost is possessing Aunt Jane’s body, trying to get me to get rid of my amulet and sachet. Her reference to the worsening economy is further proof that Mama’s behind it: the news only just came out in today’s paper: she’d hardly have had time to read about it.

I won’t be surprised if Aunt Jane later on today says something about nuclear war.

OK, I’ve punched in, and I’m on my way back to the cash register; but my amulet and sachet are staying right where they’re supposed to be. I don’t want to see anything at all surreal while I have to work. I don’t think Aunt Jane will appreciate me freaking out in front of our customers if I see animal heads on them.

I’ve been standing at this cash register for hours now, and not one customer has walked through the door. Previously, at least a few would have come in by now.

Bad economy…it’s all Mama’s doing.

It’s a good thing I have a chair here, otherwise, my legs would be in agony by now.

What’s that? Out the window, I’m seeing flashes of light that shouldn’t be there. They look like explosions from far off. I’m sure they’re not really there–just like the giant, towering mushrooms I saw on the way here–but just more of Mama’s ghost warning me of what’s to come in the not-all-that-distant future.

This is the best she can do to trouble me.

This is why I must keep my amulet and sachet with me.

And this is why I must go right to the library after work.

I just hope I can find some powerful spells and rituals to keep her not only from affecting our lives on Earth, but also to keep her soul trapped in Hell…where it belongs.

Aunt Jane just came up from the back. She’s looking around the empty store with wide eyes.

“We still don’t have any customers?” she asks. “We haven’t had one all day. Surely the economy isn’t that bad, is it? Seriously, it’s as if the whole world was wiped out with nuclear weapons, and you and I are the only people left on Earth.”

I told you she’d mention nuclear war. Mama’s ghost is possessing Aunt Jane, for sure.

**************

Well, I’ve finished my shift, and I’m on my way to the library. I can see those huge mushrooms towering in the background, behind the tallest of buildings again. Those flashes of light keep popping up in the sky, too. Oh, yeah, Mama’s influence is still being felt in the world, even if it isn’t directly touching me…yet.

Oh, God! There’s that man again, across the street, looking at me and hoping to get my attention. At least he has his human head, thanks to my amulet and sachet. Oh, please don’t follow me into the library! I’m going in there to read, not have a whispered conversation with a total stranger about his nonsensical fantasies of being my father.

I’ve entered the library, and thank God, he didn’t follow me here. Now I’ll just have to get to the occult section and hope I find something–an incantation, a spell, a ritual–that will put Mama in Hell and keep her imprisoned in there, never able to bother me or anyone else on Earth ever again.

Here we are. I’ll just look at all of the book spines on these shelves here until I find a title that looks as if it will cater to my needs.

Hmm…I read those books the last time, useless. Oh, and these here gave me the ideas for the magic circle, the witch bottle, the amulet, and the sachet…and…no, that doesn’t look helpful…nor that…nor that…and on the next shelf,…

Hey, what’s this? How to Banish Evil Spirits Forever. That looks good–I’ll take that one out. And hey, what’s this over here? Send the Devils Back to Hell. I’ll look at this one, too.

At a table here, I’ve been flipping through the pages of these two books for the past fifteen to twenty minutes, and having found a chant from the first book I found, I haven’t yet found something suitable from the second one. What’s in this chapter…? Hey, this might work!

Like the chant in the first book, this one is in another of those ancient, mystical languages. The English translation suggests that this is a good one:

Whoever troubles you the most in life,
Be that soul I, or you, or he, or she,
May these words trap him in eternal strife,
Imprisoned in a hell of misery.

That looks perfect for Mama’s ghost! The pronunciation of the words of the original language seems easy enough; there’s no pronunciation guide anywhere in the book for the language, so I guess that means it’s easy enough to say correctly. The same is true for the language of the chant in the first book. These two seem to be just what I need to prevent Mama from getting into any more mischief. My actions tonight will save not only myself, but the rest of the world, too.

That will make me a hero…if only the world knew.

***************

On my way home now, I’m seeing more flashing lights all around, which are revealing those giant mushrooms, normally hidden in the dark night sky. No worries: after I chant these verses, the flashes and mushrooms will be gone forever. You’re gonna lose, Mama!

I especially like what I read of the English translation of the first chant. It went like this, as I recall:

You evil spirit, I lock you away,
Away from harming others, and yourself.
From your stony cell, you’ll never stray;
You’ll languish there as if left on a shelf.

Very odd rhymes that the translator chose, but the verse seems to express exactly what I need it to say. I just hope I enunciate the verses correctly; as easy as they seem to be to pronounce, there’s always the possibility that I’m assuming too much, and I’ll get something wrong, something crucial.

What are those footsteps I hear behind me. I’d better take a look, though I’ll probably dread who I see…oh, no! That man again!

I guess I should be grateful that I’m still not seeing an elephant’s head on him. He’s running..I’d better run, too.

“Oh, come on, Roger!” he shouts. “Can’t a man talk to his only son?”

“You’re not my father!” I shout. “Go away!”

I’ve managed to outrun him, and I’ve arrived at my apartment. My witch bottle is still safely buried. Good.

OK, I’m inside, and my door is locked. I’ll go over to my magic circle in the living room with my book of notes from the library. I’ll set candles along the periphery of the circle, light them, then turn off the electric lights.

Good: everything’s ready, and I can chant the verses:

O, khalma, lakshmik oka tun
abalka no pushama tei.
Ko mukli toma halba dak;
Mo talma guri sho hanab.

OK, that’s the first verse done; now for the second:

Bidi lirma ota katun
Waga kulmi noto dalad,
Sumerut hoda gasho birit,
Othalmot juki nerob ratas.

Well, that’s it. I guess Mama’s locked away in Hell forever…if I chanted the verses correctly, that is. I’ll get up and look around to see if everything’s OK.

I’m not seeing any flashes of light from out the windows. I’ll go over and take a closer look.

There aren’t any giant mushrooms, that’s a good sign. Still no flashes of light, though I see a strange glow from far off into the horizon. It’s as if the sun hadn’t quite set, yet it’s far too late at night for there to be any sun at all.

It isn’t surreal, what I’m seeing, as it always has been. It doesn’t look supernatural or threatening, as before. It just looks…odd.

Oh, I’m probably just overreacting! There’s probably a perfectly rational explanation for that glow, and I just don’t know what it is. I don’t have to know what everything is for there to be reasonable explanations for unusual phenomena.

It could be a forest fire. There have been lots of wildfires in recent years because of global warming. There could be some…science thing…going on over there that involves lights being turned on, I don’t know.

If it’s me seeing that, it could just be one of my more typical, milder hallucinations, a reflection of my fears and worries about Mama. I’ll just forget about it for now, because I need to get some sleep. If that glow grows into something bigger, I’ll worry about it tomorrow.

I’ll just go to the fridge for a drink of water before going to sleep in the circle…what?

In the mirror reflection…I’m not seeing myself.

I’m seeing…her.

It’s not her with me–it’s just her, standing in my position.

She isn’t grinning malevolently at me, as she used to.

She’s frowning in fear…exactly as I am.

When I move, she moves the exact same way.

I look down at myself and see myself, not her.

But her every movement in the reflection is my own movement.

It’s as if the mirror were telling me that I am her. Mama and I would have to be one and the same person. I can’t look at her anymore; I have to look away, to the windows.

That glow outside seems a little brighter, isn’t it?

‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Six

Oh, wow! That was such a restful sleep I had! I can see the morning sun shining through the window to my left, welcoming me to go outside. I know I can go outside of this circle on my living room floor, and even just outside my apartment building, with no fear of the magic of Mama’s ghost causing me such problems as she did for me last night.

How am I so free of fear? Because of my witch bottle, of course! I was already safe as soon as I made it and consecrated it with that verse I’d chanted to consecrate the magic circle.

When I left the circle with the witch bottle in my hand, my body didn’t change at all, the way it did so shockingly last night. Mama’s ghost was still frowning at me from the living room mirror, a good sign that she couldn’t do anything to harm me or frustrate me. I took the bottle and a shovel outside, dug a hole in the front lawn as planned, a small hole in the corner–where the lawn met the sidewalk and the driveway–where no one would notice much of a change in the look of the area, and I buried the bottle there.

I returned to my apartment with perfect safety–no bizarre changes to my body or anything else like that. I returned to my circle, this time with my bedroom blanket and pillow. I lay there on the floor, saw Mama’s ghost frowning in the mirror reflection again, and closed my eyes with a peaceful smile on my face. I fell asleep within a few minutes.

Now I can eat some cereal with no fear that she’s going to change it into something disgusting and inedible. I’m up, I’ve gone out of the circle with no problems, and I can confidently eat my breakfast.

I see myself in that mirror all looking normal. Mama’s ghost isn’t even there anymore, scowling or smiling. I guess she doesn’t want to see me gloating at her.

I’m eating a bowl of Shreddies in the kitchen now, and sure enough nothing is wrong. Oh, I feel so much better knowing that I’ve developed magical abilities to thwart her power! Thus encouraged, I’m sure to learn more so I can keep her from doing anything worse to me, or to the rest of the world.

Now that I’ve finished my delicious breakfast, I can take a shower, get dressed, and go to do my shift at the Pet Valu store. Of course, once I’ve gone far enough away from my apartment, my protective magic won’t be able to stop Mama from engaging in any more mischief. I’ll need protection for everywhere I go.

I’ll need to buy an amulet or a sachet.

I think I know a place downtown, an occult store. I can go there and look around. I just hope Mama doesn’t do anything to prevent me from getting there and finding something good.

***********

OK, I finished my shower and put on some fresh clothes, still with no problems. I just have to get outside and over to that downtown store safely. Mama’s ghost will be so mad at me for stopping her here at home that she’ll surely want to get revenge on me.

What am I going to do to protect myself on the way to that store? What if I chanted that verse I used to sanctify the circle and witch bottle? What if I chanted it over and over again, with no breaks in between? Hey, that just might work!

Since getting to the store is priority, I’ll have to be late for my shift at the pet food store. Oh, well: what is Aunt Jane going to do, fire me? She’d only be doing me a favour.

Well, I’m outside now, and I’ve walked past the spot where I buried the witch bottle. I’m walking on the sidewalk, getting farther and farther away from my apartment building, and so far, nothing crazy has happened.

But it’s sure to start happening any second now.

To be on the safe side, I’d better start chanting that verse.

Wana baka waigo,
Iman kuchi zdega
Kalu bodi gana.
Sibako woli zuku.

Wow, just as I started chanting the first line of the verse, I saw the nose of a man about to walk past me turn into a snake, yet my words quickly made the snake dissolve and turn back into a nose just as he passed me! Of the other people on the sidewalk about to pass me, I’m seeing green, slithery noses on them, too! I’d better keep chanting: Wana baka waigo…

Good, their noses are back to normal, too. Iman kuchi zdega…

Everything is staying normal…good. Kalu bodi gana…

I think I’ll be safe for the rest of the walk to the occult store. Sibako woli zuku.

Hey, who is that trio of boys coming up at me from behind? Wana baka waigo…They look familiar, kids who have annoyed me in the past.

“Hey, it’s that psycho freak, Roger Gunn!” one of the brats calls out from just behind my right ear. Iman kuchi zdega…

I feel a hard shove on my back from one of them.

“Leave me alone!” I shout at them, looking back at them with a scowl that, of course, does nothing to deter them.

What I see of them when I look back, though…

Instead of human faces on the three boys, I see the faces of pigs, with huge, mucus-moistened snouts! Now, instead of taunts, I’m hearing oinks and grunts.

This is what I get when I forget to keep chanting.

But instead of chanting the verse again, I’m running. I want to get away from those kids, porcine or not.

Of course, the three of them are running after me. I can hear the clanking sound of what sounds like six huge metallic robotic feet clomping on the sidewalk. I still hear grunting. I’m running as fast as I can. Wana…baka…waigo…

The metallic clanking is now just a sextet of sneaker footfalls. Iman…kuchi…zdega…No more oinking, but I can still hear those three brats running behind me. Kalu…bodi…gana… I hear their taunts.

“Who are you…talking to, you fucking…mental case?”

“There’s no one there…to talk to, you know that, right?”

“You’re seeing…and hearing things! Get therapy, you nut job!”

A few more blocks, and I’ll reach the occult store.

I just made the traffic light, and those kids didn’t make it…good. Looking back, I can see they’ve stopped chasing me. Still, I’d better resume my chanting, for I see their pig-faces and metallic feet again. Sibako woli zuku…

It’s so good not having to run anymore. I won’t be chanting the words while panting, weakening their effectiveness. Wana baka waigo…

I can see the sign of the store down the street. Good, I’m almost there. Iman kuchi zdega…

OK, here it is: Arnie’s Arcana. In I go…

Wait a minute–instead of seeing shelves of books and other merchandise in a well-lit store, I’m seeing a dark cave with stalactites and stalagmites. I forgot to chant again: Kalu bodi gana…

There, that’s better–a brightly-lit store with everything clearly displayed. Sibako woli zuku. Now, I just have to find the amulets and sachets. Wana baka waigo…

Books on ceremonial magic…Iman kuchi zdega… Books for Wiccans…Kalu bodi gana…Let me get past all these books…Sibako woli zuku…

Here’s a bunch of assorted merchandise, small things–maybe I’ll find the amulets and sachets here.

“Hello, can I help you?” a worker in the store asks me. “Are you looking for anything in particular?”

“Do you have any amulets or sachets?” I ask.

It’s getting darker. The stalactites and stalagmites are coming back…

“Oof!” I just tripped over a tall stalagmite.

“Are you OK, Sir?” she asks.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say.

Then I look up at her.

Instead of seeing a normal woman’s face, I see three black, snaky appendages coming from her cheeks and forehead, at the end of each of which is a bat, trying to bite at my face! “Oh, my God!” I yell as I scramble to get back up and away from her.

“Sir, what’s wrong?” she asks, but with the squeaking voice of a bat with the ability to speak. “Surely, I’m not that ugly.” She laughs nervously, but with the squeaky bat voice.

“No, it’s not that,” I say, then, “Wana baka waigo.

The bat appendages dissolve, and the dark cave lights up into a well-lit store again. “Iman kuchi zdega.”

“The amulets and sachets are over there, in the corner, Sir,” she says in her normal voice, gesturing to that corner, where I run in a spastic frenzy.

Kalu bodi gana,” I say in a tremulous voice as I frantically look over the amulets and sachets. As I’m looking them over, trying to focus on which ones look the best, I see the store darkening again. “Sibako woli zuku.” It lights up again.

“Sir, I know it’s none of my business, but have you thought about seeing a doctor?” she asks, sneering at me.

“No, I just need to buy these,” I say, holding up a sachet and an amulet I’ve chosen. “How much are they?”

The store darkens again, and instead of seeing her arms reach out to take the amulet and sachet to find the price tags I was too nervous to find myself, I see two long snakes grab them with their teeth, also biting my hands!

Oww!” I shout, then pull my hands back to suck on the bite wounds.

“Sir, I never hurt you,” she says, in her bat squeaks, those three bats flying out from her face again and trying to bite at my face again. One of them bites my left ear.

Aah!” I scream. “Let’s hurry to the cash register so I can pay for them. Quickly! Wana baka waigo!” The store lights up again, she’s back to normal, and we’re at the cash register.

“That’ll be $27.46, Sir,” she says with fear in her eyes. “Will that be cash, or charge?”

“Cash,” I say, then slap three ten dollar bills on the counter. The store is going dark and cavernous again, and a snake-arm takes the money and bites my hand before I can take it away. “Oww!

I fumble with the amulet, which is attached to a necklace, before putting it around my neck. As I hold it and look at it, I say, “Wana baka waigo, Iman kuchi zdega Kali bodi gana. Sibako woli zuku.” The store lights up again, and she looks normal again, with harmless arms.

Yes, she looks normal, alright…except for the terrified look on her face.

Now I’m staring at the sachet I bought and am holding in my hand, repeating the four-line verse to sanctify it, too. I put it in the chest pocket of my Pet Valu shirt, I look at the clerk, and slowly regain my breath. “I’m sorry about that, Miss,” I tell her.

“Sir, are you alright now?” she asks, her eyes getting teary. “You really gave me a scare there. Were you hallucinating or something?”

“Ma’am, this store sells magic stuff, does it not?” I ask rather petulantly as I feel my heartbeat slowing down. “If you sell that stuff, surely you also believe in magic, right? Some people who practice magic are witches, right?” She’s been nodding nervously to my reasoning. “Now, a witch has been using magic on me, making me see monstrous things. That’s why I needed to buy these things, to protect myself from her. I bought them, I’ve sanctified them, and now everything is OK. Thank you. I’ll go now.”

She’s too shaken up to say goodbye as I walk out of the store.

On the street and still shaking, but grateful to see everything all normal again, I feel my cellphone ringing in my pocket. I take it out. “Hello?”

“Roger?” Aunt Jane says. “Where the hell are you? You were supposed to be here ten minutes ago.”

Instead of answering, I can’t stop laughing.

Axes

One
day,
an
ax
is
to
go
smashing down
on the floor
like Pete
Townshend’s
back in the day.

But
the
ax
is
not
go-
ing
to
shatter into a hundred
tiny pieces lying
scattered all over
the stage, like Pete’s
electric instrument.

The
act
of
re-
bel-
lion
won’t
just be a
noisy affair, to
irritate the rulers of
our cruel, uncaring world.

This
axe
will
come
down
from
the
sky
and
its
sharp blade will hack
off the heads of the
guardians of the rich.

Analysis of ‘Lady Chatterley’s Lover’

Lady Chatterley’s Lover is a novel by D.H. Lawrence, his last–published privately in 1928 in Italy and in 1929 in France–before his death in 1930. An unexpurgated version of the novel wasn’t openly published in the UK until 1960, after the publisher, Penguin Books, won in an obscenity trial. The book was also banned for obscenity in the US, Canada, Australia, India, and Japan.

The book controversially tells the story of a sexual relationship between an upper-class woman and a working-class man, using what were originally deemed sexually explicit scenes and then-unprintable four-letter words.

Though the uncensored version of the book has been accepted since the beginning of the 1960s (recall Philip Larkin‘s poem on the new permissiveness resulting from “the end of the Chatterley ban”), Lady Chatterley’s Lover is not considered one of Lawrence’s best works. It’s been said that, though the novel has a high purpose–decrying the problems of the coal-mining industry and the soulless, emasculated modern man (as exemplified in Clifford Chatterley)–it fails in its promoting of an appreciation of sensuality as a solution.

Many film, TV, radio, and theatre adaptations of Lady Chatterley’s Lover have been made, including a 2022 film released late that year in UK cinemas and on Netflix.

Three major rifts are dealt with in the novel: mind vs body, the upper vs lower classes, and industrialization vs nature. Lawrence felt that it was a modern tragedy that the mind and body are so alienated from each other, often involving an excessive pursuit of intellectual interests while ignoring sensuality. Impotent Clifford especially personifies this problem, but it also expresses itself in the “tentative love affairs” of sisters Hilda and Constance (Lawrence, page 3). Lawrence’s ideal was an integration of mind and body through sensuality (page 340)–hence, the book’s frank expression of sex through the use of “taboo words” (page 367).

Lawrence also contrasts the beauty and vitality of nature with the mechanistic monotony of modern, industrialized life, a theme dealt with in his other novels. This issue can and should be tied in with the theme of class conflict.

As for the rift between the upper and lower classes as depicted in Lady Chatterley’s Lover, I wish to begin by saying that I have no illusions about Lawrence’s politics, which in all, seem to have been all over the place, as one looks over the course of his whole life. The novel itself is a paradox, having content to upset conservatives while also having a conservative, even stylistically Victorian, formality.

The only consistent idea I can find, from a cursory reading of Lawrence’s political philosophy, is an advocacy of individualism. Such writers as Terry Eagleton and Bertrand Russell found Lawrence to be reactionary, right-wing, and even proto-fascist in his thinking (during WWI). On the other hand, and I find this significant in relation to when he wrote and circulated Lady Chatterley’s Lover, he wrote in 1924 that he believed “a good form of socialism, if it could be brought about, would be the best form of government.” Also, in the late 1920s, he told his sister he would vote Labour if he was living in England.

So, though he certainly despised Soviet-style socialism as much as he did fascism (in his “A Propos of Lady Chatterley’s Lover,” he denounces “the State” in general–pages 352-353), sympathy for a generalized kind of socialism wasn’t all that far away from his mind. He was, after all, the son of a miner. It might be reasonable to think that he, in his later years, had at least some partiality towards libertarian socialism, if the above references are truly representative of his political thinking towards the end of his life.

In any case, in his “A Propos,” he wrote of a better time in England’s history, of men and women living in harmony with nature, moving to the rhythms of the days and seasons (page 356); from which today’s industrialized world has been a sad decline. He recognizes modern alienation, and the class antagonisms that inevitably result from it (page 365); but in my opinion, he misdiagnosed the problem, claiming that, instead of the cause being capitalism, it is a lack of pagan “blood-warmth of oneness and togetherness.”

Addled by bourgeois biases that one born in a working-class family in the late 19th century surely wouldn’t have had, Lawrence imagines that “In the old England, the curious blood-connection held the classes together. The squires might be arrogant, violent, bullying, and unjust, yet in some ways they were at one with the people, part of the same blood-stream.” (pages 365-366) I find it extraordinary how someone can reconcile the squires’ attitude with the people through “the same blood-stream.” Those denying the classist nature of the world’s problems always find some bizarre alternate cause: the Jews, the Freemasons, the NWO, “corporatism,” or in Lawrence’s case, a shifting away from pagan harmony with nature and away from an embracing of frank sensuality.

Yet it is precisely the capitalist seizure of the Commons, forcing the poor farmers to move to the cities and sell their only salable commodity, their labour, to the industrialists, mining companies, etc., that has led to our modern alienation from nature, from each other, and from our sexuality. Lawrence saw the actual problems, but misinterpreted them.

Therefore, in my analysis, though my Marxist reading of his novel won’t be what he meant, I believe it will uncover the true nature of the problems he addressed in it: alienation from our species-essence (body vs mind), industrial capitalism (industrialization vs nature), and class antagonisms (upper vs lower classes).

After having had those “tentative love affairs,” Constance “Connie” Reid marries Clifford Chatterley, an aristocrat, when she’s 23, in 1917. A month after the marriage, he is sent to fight in WWI, and he returns paralyzed from the waist down, rendering him impotent.

Now, for Lawrence, Clifford is largely an allegorical figure, his paralysis and impotence making him the personification of the life of the mind without the body, since Clifford takes up writing and chats with a number of intellectuals, leaving Connie to feel isolated. Note that one of the criticisms of this novel is how characters are reduced to allegorical types, leaving them without depth.

What I would find far more meaningful is to say that it was the very imperialist war that Clifford was made to fight in that is what has scathed him so, since that’s what has literally happened! No allegorical tripe about a mind without a body–simply a recognition that class antagonisms, which he as an aristocrat embodies, led to the imperialist competition over land that was WWI, and has injured him, alienating him from his species-essence, him mind alienated from his body.

Note that class struggle, be it in the forms of the master/slave, feudal lord/peasant, or bourgeois/proletarian, causes hurt to the powerful as well as the powerless, in that the powerful are always pressured to stay on top, always in fear of losing their power. When we see Clifford so deprived of his manhood (for this fear of the loss of power extends, of course, to the patriarchal family), psychologically as well as physically (recall his later being mothered by Mrs. Bolton), we can see how true this fear of loss of power is, and how this fear is dramatized in Lady Chatterley’s Lover.

The threat to the power of the patriarchal family is easily seen in Clifford’s having lost the ability to procreate, and therefore to pass the family name and property directly from father to son. When he tells Connie he’s willing to have her get pregnant by another man, as long as he’s of high birth, she doesn’t love the other man, and the baby is understood to be Clifford’s, we are then reminded of a quote from James Joyce‘s Ulysses:

“Fatherhood, in the sense of conscious begetting, is unknown to man. It is a mystical estate, an apostolic succession, from only begetter to only begotten…Upon incertitude, upon unlikelihood. Amor matris, subjective and objective genitive, may be the only true thing in life. Paternity may be a legal fiction. Who is the father of any son that any son should love him or he any son?” (Joyce, page 266)

Accordingly, Connie has a brief affair, not yet with Oliver Mellors, the gamekeeper, but first with a visiting Irish playwright named Michaelis. In all of this we can see the flimsy foundation that patrilineal succession is laid on: the whole point behind the maintenance of a man’s power and authority over his wife is to ensure, at least within reason, that he is, indeed, the father of all of the children in his home.

To that end, girls are expected to be virgins on their wedding night, wives are forbidden to have affairs (whereas adulterous husbands are given more of a slap on the wrist), women are discouraged from having careers (for fear of their independence leading to them having affairs), and sons, being the heirs of the family name and property, are treated better than daughters.

We already see in Lady Chatterley’s Lover the beginnings of the breakdown of the patriarchal family system, which writers like Friedrich Engels recognized as intimately linked with systems of class oppression, in how Connie has lost her virginity before even marrying Clifford. The bohemian lifestyle she learned from her father, Sir Malcolm, a painter and unabashed sensualist. Her affair with Michaelis makes her later liaison with Mellors not at all surprising.

In his “A Propos of Lady Chatterley’s Lover, D.H. Lawrence goes on and on about his advocacy of monogamy and marriage, which is an odd way to defend a novel in which the sympathetic characters are committing adultery, trying to get divorced, and only hopeful of getting married by the end. One should remember that there’s a difference between an author’s conscious, stated intentions in writing a novel, and his unconscious reasons for presenting it the way he has.

With the original banning of Lady Chatterley’s Lover, Lawrence would have been accused of trying to corrupt public morals (page 345). An impassioned and lengthy defence of monogamy and marriage, as seen in his “A Propos,” is thus not at all surprising. For this reason, I would take his defence of marriage with a grain of salt.

His novel was meant, according to him, as a championing of “true phallic marriage” (page 360), of monogamy with the right admixture of sensuality, of the union of body and mind. That may be all well and fine, but the average reader probably isn’t going to receive that message; one often doesn’t remember all the details that Lawrence was hoping one would retain in reading his book, let alone link those details in a way that makes his message of advocating ‘sensual marriage’ clear.

Instead, the reader will, rightly or wrongly, more likely glean from Lady Chatterley’s Lover an advocacy of free love and sex for mere physical pleasure. All the things the moralists of yesteryear were condemning the book for. In this, we can see how Lawrence’s critics have said that his novel hasn’t quite succeeded in the purpose he claimed it had.

For such reasons as these, and now that we live in a more liberal world, one far more tolerant of novels, films, etc., the deal more frankly with sexuality, I feel that we can reinterpret the meaning of Lawrence’s novel in our own way, and therefore can reconsider and reappraise it, that is, in a more favourable way. A key hint to how that reinterpretation and reappraisal can be made is in seeing how the novel deals with class, which is also an important feature of the sexual relationship between Connie and Mellors.

Connie is from the upper classes, married to an aristocrat. Mellors is of the working class. Their coming together, as such, in a sexual union is as much a shock to people like Clifford and Hilda as is their adultery and lewdness. We Marxists might look on such a union, as I did with the sex scene between Alexander and Maria in Tarkovsky‘s film, The Sacrifice, as symbolic of the dissolving of class differences.

Now, just as with Lawrence’s pro-marriage arguments, his openly-expressed disdain for socialism, particularly the Soviet kind (page 352), as we read in his “A Propos” and in his other statements at other times of his life, is something we can take with a grain of salt, especially when we place them in historical context. Just as there was opposition to frank, four-letter expressions of sexuality back then, so was there opposition throughout the bourgeois Western world to socialism (consider the proliferation of fascism in the 1920s as an example).

Lawrence’s depiction of the hard, soulless life of the Tevershall miners could easily have been interpreted as an indirect advocacy of socialism, even if Lawrence hadn’t intended such a reading. To protect his reputation from the “commie” label would have been a strong motive for him to speak ill of socialism, regardless of his actual feelings about the ideology. After all, recall how Marx had to deal with the accusation of communists apparently wishing to abolish marriage, and to hold women in common (it can be found in The Communist Manifesto, II: Proletarians and Communists, 37-38–link above).

Now, Mellors is working-class, but he’s more than that. In the army in WWI, he was a lieutenant. He is also well-read and intelligent. When speaking, he sometimes shifts from the accent of one from the middle class to his Derbyshire accent, a more working-class dialect. When speaking in this latter manner, he often uses those four-letter words. But during his more articulate moments, we can see in him the potential of the working class to rise up to something higher.

In the case of Connie, though she’s from the upper class and married to a minor nobleman, her previous bohemian lifestyle, current affair with Mellors, and her attempts at imitating his Derbyshire accent, as well as her learning his naughty words (pages 194-195), all symbolize her willingness to come down, just as Mellors is capable of coming up. This mobility of theirs shows how, in the world of Lady Chatterley’s Lover, the boundaries between the lower and upper classes are blurred.

“And now she touched him, and it was the sons of god with the daughters of men.” (pages 191-192) As I’ve discussed elsewhere, the coming-together of such worlds as the divine and human ones is something thought best to be kept separate. Connie’s and Mellors’s sexual union is just such a union socially frowned on.

Just as Connie and Mellors, as well as their coming together, are relatable and sympathetic, so is Clifford, as an aristocrat who is totally out of touch with the real world, totally unrelatable and unsympathetic. His impotence, weakness, and infantile dependence on Mrs. Bolton can all be seen to represent the modern fading-away into irrelevance of the nobility and all things feudal.

His impotence, as it relates to Lawrence’s idealizing of sensuality, is not something Clifford can be faulted with, since it was the result of a war injury and therefore beyond his control. For such reasons as this, I feel that a more legitimate criticism of him is based on his class arrogance and pursuit of money and power on the one hand, and his helpless dependance on workers like Mrs. Bolton on the other.

Indeed, his Oedipal dependence on her can easily be related to the final stage of Hegel‘s master/slave dialectic, in which the slave, through the accumulated labour value of all of his or her work for the master, has rendered the master so helpless and dependent that the roles of powerful and powerless are traded. Accordingly, Mrs. Bolton’s attitude towards Clifford is paradoxically one of admiration and worship of his nobility, yet also of contempt for his arrogance. “She was very good and competent, and she soon knew how to have him in her power.” (page 88) She is a mother to him, adoring her sweet baby, yet also looking down on the pathetic weakling.

In contrast to Clifford’s vain pretensions to being a part of the literary world, we have the earthy language of Mellors, with its fucks, cunts, arses, pisses, shits, etc. He is a double of Clifford in many ways, though a much more sympathetic version. He, too, has been cuckolded by his wife (Bertha Coutts), whom he hasn’t yet divorced, as Clifford never divorces Connie within the confines of the novel. Mellors is aloof and sarcastic, not wishing to socialize much, paralleling Clifford’s arrogant disconnect from the people. He, too, was scathed while serving in WWI, though he suffered pneumonia from it, rather than paralysis. Mellors, however, has a nobility from his inner character, rather than from a position of birth. He is the stud that Clifford can never be.

His use of four-letter words, as well as his sex scenes with Connie, contrast with Clifford’s abandonment of the body in a way that can symbolize something Lawrence never wrote of in his “A Propos”: the superiority of a materialist philosophy to that of idealism, making possible a Marxist spin on Hegel’s master/slave dialectic. Four-letter words give most physical expression to the sexual and biological acts they refer to, an all-too physical expression for prudish minds.

More can be said on the novel’s preference of materialism to idealism, as seen on page 258, when Connie says this to Clifford: “Give me the body. I believe the life of the body is a greater reality than the life of the mind…With the Greeks it gave a lovely flicker, then Plato and Aristotle killed it, and Jesus finished it off. But now the body is coming really to life, it is really rising from the tomb.” (my emphasis)

As far as the bad-mouthing of “Bolshevism” in the novel is concerned, in Chapter IV in particular, consider the sources of it. Bolshevism is “hate of the bourgeois,” according to Charlie May, to which Tommy Dukes agrees “Absolutely”; Hammond would “deny that Bolshevism is logical,” and he says, “The Bolshevists aren’t really intelligent”; Berry considers Bolshevism to be as “half-witted” as “[their] social life in the west” (pages 38-39). There’s of course no way Clifford would ever approve of “Bolshevism.” When Connie coldly doesn’t kiss him goodnight, he imagines her to be a “bolshevik” (page 52), projecting his own coldness onto her.

But who are all of these men, in the world that Lawrence constructed? They aren’t at all sympathetic. None of them has the required, vaunted sensuality. These intellectuals are all talk and no action, engaging in empty, meaningless discussions on love, sex, and politics. They personify what I said above about how inferior idealism is to materialism.

Lawrence recognizes the evils that come from money and greed: “Society was terrible because it was insane. Civilised society is insane. Money and so-called love are its two great manias; money a long way first.” (page 104) Mellors, to a great extent the spokesman of Lawrence, imagines he’ll protect Connie from “the insentient iron world and the Mammon of mechanical greed.” (page 130)

Still, Lawrence acknowledged, through Mellors’s experiences, how “if you were poor and wretched you had to care [about money]…the care about money was like a great cancer, eating away the individuals of all classes.” (page 155)

Shortly after the above quote, we have Mellors thinking about how much he wants to have Connie “in his arms” (page 156). He goes over to the Chatterley’s house, in his wish to be close to her. Mrs. Bolton sees him through the window, recognizes him by his nearby dog, and realizes that he is Lady Chatterley’s lover. (page 158)

This juxtaposition of his recognition of the need for money with his need to be with Connie, even to the point of going over to Clifford’s house in the hope of seeing her, is significant. Clifford has, in abundance, all the things that working-class Mellors needs: money, “the woman” (page 156), and the property.

Mellors’s making love with Clifford’s wife, the taking of the aristocrat’s ‘property’ (recall what I said above about Engels and the relationship of the patriarchal family with the origins of property), is thus symbolically a revolutionary act. We see here the connection between capitalism and patrilineage, and how Mellors’s affair with Connie–his seizing of the means of reproduction, as it were–is a defiance of these two forms of ownership. Mellors going over to Clifford’s house is also symbolic defiance.

On pages 166-167 there is a vivid description of Connie’s experience, during a car ride to Uthwaite, of “the long squalid straggle of Tevershall” (pages 165-166). Here we have a depiction of the harsh life of the English working class, of the local miners and where they live…”all went by ugly, ugly, ugly…”

As Connie looks on the ugliness of Tevershall with horror, she shudders at the thought of producing an heir to Wragby, thus continuing this classist state of affairs. Lawrence may have insisted on his diagnosis that the problem of the “Half-corpses, all of them” [that is, the Teverhsall workers] is because industrialization has cut the men away from the rhythms of nature, yet as I said above, it was precisely the development of industrial capitalism, the ruthless pursuit of profit, that brought about that cutting away.

It’s the elephant in the room that Lawrence, addled by anti-Sovietism, completely missed. “The industrial England blots out the agricultural England.” (page 171) Put another way, capitalist England stole the Commons from the English farmers, forcing them to look for work in the ugly, industrialized cities.

On pages 174-175, Connie further contemplates the ugliness and death-like state of the miners. One senses her feelings of alienation from these men, their alienation from each other, and each man’s alienation from his species-essence.

After having contemplated the miners, Connie returns home, and she sees Mellors there. Just as the miners work for Clifford, so is Mellors “One of Clifford’s hirelings!” (page 177). Immediately after, the novel quotes Julius Caesar, with two lines from Cassius: “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,/But in ourselves, that we are underlings.” (Act I, scene ii, lines 140-141)

In the context of this section of Lawrence’s novel, with Connie’s having just contemplated the plight of the miners, of Mellors similar position as a “hireling,” and “an underling,” the Shakespeare quote, meant to rouse Brutus to join Cassius’ conspiracy to assassinate Caesar, is implicitly being used to suggest the need for a revolt of the “underlings” against Clifford.

Immediately after is a discussion between Connie and Mrs. Bolton about the death of the latter’s husband in the mining pit (pages 178-179). So again, by way of juxtaposition, we see a linking of the suffering of the miners, and of that of Mellors, with the death of Mrs. Bolton’s husband in the pit–all examples of the oppression of the working class.

Mrs. Bolton speaks of the alienation caused by those “as runs the pit…they all want to separate a woman and a man, if they’re [physically] together.” The killing of her husband was just such a separation, the taking of him from her.

Such alienation finds its opposite in the lovemaking between Connie and Mellors, especially when she orgasms in Chapter XII. “Beauty! What beauty!…How was it possible, this beauty here, where she had previously only been repelled?” (page 192) It is just after this lovemaking, her first with him that feels warm and wonderful, instead of ridiculously distant, that she repeatedly asks him if he loves her (she manages to squeak a yes out of the otherwise aloof man), and she imitates his Derbyshire dialect and dirty words. In all of this, we can sense their growing togetherness.

In the following chapter, we get a sense of Clifford’s arrogant attitude towards the miners, him wishing to prevent them from striking without their consent (page 197). Connie, with him in the woods, gets into an argument with him about the miners’ plight, and his callous attitude towards them. Again, given our sympathy to her and antipathy to him, we can safely conclude that the narrative is far more favourable to the working class than to the upper class, despite Lawrence’s denials.

After the argument, Clifford’s motorized wheelchair gets stuck on a steep incline. He wants Mellors to fix it. Stubborn Clifford insists on trying to get up the incline without any help from Mellors or Connie, but it becomes obvious that only a push from them will get the wheelchair up.

In this scene, so humiliating for Clifford, we see the fall of the pride of the man who just spoke of the strength and responsibility of the aristocracy over the workers. Clifford’s powerlessness represents the waning power and relevance of the upper classes.

Mellors’s helping of Clifford, despite exhausting himself because of how his pneumonia has weakened him, puts him in the same position as mothering Mrs. Bolton: we see again the final stage of the slave/master dialectic, with Mellors’s rising power and Clifford’s decline, a contrast paralleled with the former’s phallic potency vs the latter’s lack of it.

Yet if Clifford feels physically and psychologically emasculated, so has Mellors felt that way, if only psychologically so. He tells Connie of his past sexual experiences with those women who weren’t interested in sex, those who “had nearly taken all the balls out of [him]” (page 221). Then came Bertha Coutts, who liked sex all too much for Mellors’s liking. Too sexually aggressive for him, she had a vagina that “was a beak tearing at [him],” like a vagina dentata.

So as I said above, Mellors is in a number of ways a double of Clifford. Bertha’s sexual aggression, relative to Mellors, is parallel to Connie’s sexual aggression, relative to Clifford. Commenting on Mellors’s experience of his wife, she quotes As You Like It and says that he had “too much of a good thing.” Some criticize the novel’s depiction of Bertha, treating her sexual aggression as a bad thing, as not acceptably ‘womanly’; but it’s not that she has desires that are ‘unwomanly,’ for Melors is happy to have a woman who wants sex. It’s just that she’s too aggressive about it, even for him.

Added to Bertha’s excesses are her fleeing to another man while Mellors was in the army in India, and all of her troublemaking while Connie is in Venice, stirring up the gossip about his affair with Connie, which leads to Mellors getting fired. Bertha has psychologically castrated him many times, but he’s a far more sympathetic character than Clifford.

Mellors seems to be ambivalent about the issues that socialism raises. On the one hand, he has a bookshelf including “books about bolshevist Russia” (page 233), yet on the other, he blames “a steady sort of bolshevism [for] just killing off the human thing, and worshipping the mechanical thing.” (page 238) Still, he recognizes that “We’re forced to make a bit [of money] for us-selves, an’ a fair lot for th’bosses.” (page 240) He would “wipe the machines off the face of the earth again, and end the industrial epoch absolutely, like a black mistake.” (page 242)

Recall what I said above about the capitalists starting industrialization, something Lawrence isn’t interested in acknowledging. Now, the Bolsheviks, of course, industrialized, too (i.e., Stalin beginning his Five-Year Plans around the time that Lady Chatterley’s Lover was written), but with the aim of building up the productive forces in order ultimately to end capitalism and the alienation it causes. Capitalists industrialize only to maximize profit, not to provide for all.

In contrast to all this antipathy towards mechanistic, ugly industrialization, our two lovers adore all that is nature; and during a heavy rain, they both strip naked (Connie first) and run out into it and get soaked (pages 242-243). Back inside after having made love out there, they get warm by the fire, he strokes her buttocks and “secret entrances” (page 244), he admires her beautiful body, and they discuss plans of running away together, having their baby, and divorcing their spouses…acts of liberation!

Intertwining flowers in each other’s pubic hair, they imagine a wedding of their genitals, naming them “John Thomas” and “Lady Jane.” Incidentally, Lawrence at one point considered naming his novel John Thomas and Lady Jane.

Another example of the novel’s acknowledgement of how problematic class is comes when Hilda learns that her sister’s lover is working class. Hilda, of course, disapproves (page 262), for “she loathed any ‘lowering’ of oneself, or the family.” She imagines the affair will end, but this is wish-fulfillment. “One can’t mix up with the working people.” (page 265)

Hilda, when meeting Mellors, dislikes him even more, from hearing his Derbyshire dialect. She’d rather he spoke “natural,” or “normal English” (page 268), since it would sound more pleasing to her “solid Scotch middle class” disposition. (page 262)

Now, Connie would naturally defend Mellors against her sister’s snobbish judgements of him, but her own upper-middle-class prejudices rise up from her unconscious when she, in Venice now, has learned of Bertha’s stirring up of trouble back home (page 290). She imagines of Mellors, upon hearing of his wife’s excesses, that “He was perhaps really common, really low,” and she worries about the “humiliating” damage done to her reputation if Clifford should learn about her affair with Mellors.

Her father, Sir Malcolm, warms up to Mellors soon enough after meeting him back in England; but when Clifford finally learns of the affair, he regresses to such a childlike state that, kissed consolingly by maternal Mrs. Bolton, he is “in a relaxation of madonna-worship.” (page 320) When he learns that the other man is Mellors, though, Clifford is in such a fury that he says she “ought to be wiped off the face of the earth!” (page 326) This choice of words, by the way, is interesting in how they echo Mellors’s wish to wipe machines off the face of the earth. Note how the antipathies of the upper class are diametrically opposed to those of the working class. Mellors would wipe out machines that destroy the proletariat; Clifford would wipe out women who defy the patriarchal family. Accordingly, he refuses to divorce her.

In a letter to Connie, Mellors–who is in the process of working out his divorce from Bertha–discusses such things as the workers wanting to nationalize industry, and wanting to establish a Soviet; he shows his ambivalence about such things again (page 324). He says the men are doomed, and he makes a thinly-veiled reference to Lenin: “they go about as if there was nothing to be done. Anyhow, nobody knows what should be done.” (page 330)

He then speaks of his preference of a society unconcerned with money (one might recall, in this connection, that one of the ultimate goals of communist society is that it should be money-less). Instead, Mellors would have everybody dancing about like pagans who “acknowledge the great god Pan”–more of Lawrence’s vague solutions to modern problems.

Among the last things that Mellors says to Connie in his letter, which brings the novel to an end, is his dialectic, as it were, of chastity and fucking, the former of which he equates with the snow of winter, and the latter of which he equates with spring. He says, “So I love chastity now, because it is the peace that comes of fucking.” (page 332)

He puts it this way because he and Connie have to wait until both are properly divorced before they can marry and therefore resume their lovemaking. They must be patient before they can have that sensual pleasure again. For him, “it is so good to be chaste, like a river of cool water in [his] soul.” (page 332)

This chastity is like a building-up of reserved passion, to be held in until finally they can be together again, to release that passion in a fiery explosion of sex. I’m reminded of the Hindu concept of tapas, which in Wendy Doniger O’Flaherty‘s book, Siva: the Erotic Ascetic, is defined as “The heat of asceticism.” (O’Flaherty, page 324) Elsewhere in her book, she speaks of tapas in this way: “Chastity was characteristic of Indian asceticism from the very start. The Upanishads say that one may realize the Self by practising tapas in the forest, free from passion…Sexual excitement represented a threat against which the ascetic must constantly be on guard. When Brahma desired his daughter, he lost all the tapas which he had amassed in order to create…Although in human terms asceticism is opposed to sexuality and fertility, in mythological terms tapas is itself a powerful creative force, a generative power of ascetic heat.” (pages 40, 41)

So Lady Chatterley’s Lover ends with the hope that Connie, with child by Mellors, will be with him again one day. Then, the winter of their chaste discontent will be made glorious spring by this son of a fuck.

As we know, Lawrence bemoaned modern, industrialized England’s decline from its earlier world, in which men and women lived in harmony with nature, and the body and the mind weren’t alienated from each other, but unified in freely-expressed sensuality. Though his novel depicts the barriers of class in all their ugliness, he seems to prefer old English tradition to a socialist resolving of the class problem, which is odd, given his portrayal of aristocratic Clifford as not only weak and ineffectual, but also unsympathetic, perpetuating industrialization and its killing of the workers’ souls, just so he can make more money…like a capitalist.

It is for these reasons that I feel that a Marxist reading of Lady Chatterley’s Lover, in spite of how different Lawrence claimed his intentions were in his “A Propos” of the novel, is by far the easiest and best interpretation of it. A writer may claim that his novel means one thing while he’s unconsciously meant something quite different. He might intentionally mislead us about his intentions, to protect us from knowing its real meaning and therefore not spoiling us with its secrets, or to protect himself against allegations of corrupting morals or promoting socialism, as I speculated above. In any case, I don’t feel bound to keeping my interpretations in conformity with his “A Propos,” and I therefore feel free to interpret as I wish.

Connie’s affair with Mellors, as I see it, is a symbolic act of revolt against the patriarchal family and the class system, two social problems that are intermixed. The frank expression of sexuality, with its four-letter words, is connected with the advocacy of such a revolt, since, despite Lawrence’s denials, it’s a case of épater la bourgeoisie. The lovers’ bearing of a child that is not Clifford’s is a symbolic termination of the patriarchal family and the upper classes, all in one stroke.

Connie’s and Mellors’s union is that of the upper and lower classes, a symbolic blurring of class distinctions. Their leaving of Tevershall and Wragby is a turning of one’s back on the ugliness of industrial capitalism. I’d say the book’s censorship had even more to do with this political subversiveness than the dirty words…even if Lawrence had never intended it.

D.H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterley’s Lover, New York, Bantam Classics, 1968

‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Five

I’m in my apartment now; I just slammed the door shut behind me and locked it. I have a box of white chalk in my bedroom desk drawer. I’ll run over there, take a piece of chalk from it, and draw the circle on the wooden floor in the living room.

I’m in such a frantic state, drawing this circle in such a hurry. I’m sure it isn’t a perfect circle, the radii all equidistant from the centre, but it seems close enough. I don’t remember any passages in the books I read saying anything about the magic circle having to be perfectly round. I’m just so scared after seeing that ‘elephant man’ on the street behind me, one of Mama’s spells, that I want this magic circle of protection finished and ready as soon as possible.

Oh, shit! I forgot to get that large ruler I also have in my bedroom desk drawer, the one under where I had the box of chalk. I’m so frantic to get this done, I’m not thinking straight, and making myself take needless extra trips! Anyway, I’ll get the ruler, then use the chalk to draw a pentacle in the circle.

There, the lines are as straight as I could make them, and measured as equally apart from each other as I could make them. Again, they aren’t perfect, but close enough. I’m in a hurry to keep Mama out, and I must balance accuracy with urgency.

And now, I’ll light five candles and put one at each point of the pentacle touching the circle; then I’ll turn off the lights. Mama had a box of candles in one of the kitchen drawers. I’ll get them…Oh, where are they?! Here they are. There’s a lighter in here, too–how convenient.

There…all the candles are lit, and I can turn off the lights now. My notebook is in the circle, so I can get in and chant that verse to sanctify this zone of protection. I hope my pronunciation of the words of the ancient language is close enough to be effective; I hope their spelling in the ABCs is consistent with English pronunciation. Here goes:

Wana baka waigo,
Iman kuchi zdega
Kalu bodi gana.
Sibato woli zuku.

Whoa! Suddenly, I feel this warm vibration all around me. It’s soothing. My magic must be working! I must have done it all right, or at least well enough. I feel safe in here. Mama can’t get at me!

Oh, what peace of mind! I can go to sleep here. I’m warm enough for now; I won’t need my blanket. I’ll just get a cushion off the sofa, which is just outside the circle, and use it for a pillow.

Ooh! When my hand went out of the circle to grab the cushion, my hand felt a little chill. For a few seconds there, it felt none of the soothing vibrations in here. There really is a clear difference between my zone of safety and everything outside.

Hey, out there, the mirror on the far wall, just beside the TV. I see not only my reflection, but also the image of some horrible-looking old woman with long, shaggy grey hair. In the dark, the face isn’t easy to see.

Oh, that must be Mama’s ghost! She’s frowning, obviously mad because she cannot get at me in here. Well, good: let her be mad. I’m safe in here. I’m glad she’s mad.

I’ll bet she’s mad not only because the magic circle and pentacle are keeping her out, but also because she hates the messy chalk marks on the wooden floor. She was always a neat freak, yelling at me for being a “slob,” as she’d always called me. Well, she can’t do anything about my messiness now, not as long as I stay in this circle.

Of course, I’ll have to leave the circle for this and that.

Oh well, I’m not worrying about that now.

I’m getting some sleep. I’m exhausted. I’ll curl up in a fetal position so I don’t kick over any of the candles.

**************

Uh-oh. I gotta take a piss!

How long was I sleeping? Let me click the light on my watch. It’s 12:00 midnight now; I slept for about three hours. The bathroom’s out in front of me to the right. In between the bathroom and the mirror by the TV is the hallway leading to the front door. To get to the bathroom isn’t far, of course, but it’s well outside of my circle.

And that mirror. I can see Mama’s ghost there, looking right at me. She isn’t frowning any more.

Now she’s grinning at me.

With those cruel eyes of hers.

I can’t hold it in any longer. I have to pee.

Whatever she does, I’ll just have to deal with it. I can’t be like Howard Hughes and piss in bottles just to stay in this circle. I’ll have to go out for other things, anyway: crapping, getting food, going to work…

Ugh! I’m already hating this life.

Anyway, I’ve gotta go.

I can see her grinning at me in the reflection.

She’s waiting for me to sprint.

Oh, well, Mama. Have at me.

This has to have been the maddest dash ever. I banged my foot on the bathroom door as I was racing in here. Oww, that hurt!

Unzip my pants, whip it out…aahh

As it’s pouring into the toilet bowl, I’m trying to resist the temptation to look at myself in the bathroom mirror on the medicine cabinet. I don’t want to see Mama’s ghastly face there.

Oh, I finally emptied myself. That feels much better. I’ll zip myself up and wash my hands, keeping my face down so as not to see the mirror reflection.

Pour the water on my hands. Lather up the soap. As I’m rubbing the lather on my hands, I can feel my heart pounding and my body shaking.

She hasn’t done anything yet, thank God, but I’m still vulnerable out here. I’ve got to finish up here and get back in my circle as fast as possible.

OK, I’m rinsing the soap off…come on, hurry up and get all off my hands! There, now I’ll just get a towel and wipe them dry…there.

Hang the towel back on the towel rack on the wall behind me, there. And now I can get out of…

What? I just absent-mindedly looked in the mirror. I don’t see Mama with me, but I…don’t see myself…in it, either.

Instead, I see…

My God, this is the sickest hallucination I’ve ever had!

My head is a giant nose! It’s got tiny eyes on it.

On the tip of the nose is a small foot!

Below the foot is an…asshole?

I’m touching my ‘head,’ and feeling the big nose; I’m touching my ‘nose,’ and feeling the tiny, wiggling toes on the foot. I’m inhaling, and smelling…shit.

I scream out loud, but hear the roar of a huge fart. As I’m running out of the bathroom, hearing Mama’s cackling the whole time, it’s awkward for me: as I stagger toward the circle, I look down at my feet, but I see hands there instead!

Finally, I reach the circle, falling into it.

Whoa, that couldn’t have just been one of my hallucinations! I never see or hear things anywhere near that surreal! A man with the head of a blue elephant? My head as a giant nose with eyes on it? My nose as a little foot? My mouth as an anus? My feet as hands? These were all Mama’s magic, surely!

I can see her in that mirror reflection over there, still grinning and laughing at me. I see myself with the nose-head, the foot-nose, and the asshole-mouth. As I feel my face, everything feels normal here: I can feel my hair, my forehead, eyebrows, eyes, nose, ears, and mouth. I’m looking down and seeing my feet as feet.

I can see the clear difference between how it is inside the circle and outside. My magic circle of protection clearly works. I just have to have protection for when I have to go outside of it.

That will mean making a witch bottle. I’ll get a bottle of lemonade out of the fridge, drink it all down, wash it, get some scissors, and clip my nails and some of my hair to put in the empty bottle. Then I’ll piss in it. Since it’s past midnight now, I’ll go out and bury it on the front lawn outside as soon as it’s ready.

Well, I guess I’m gonna have my nose-head, etc., for a while. Off to the kitchen for that bottle!

As soon as I’ve come outside the circle, I’ve felt my feet turn back into hands. I’m clumsily making my way to the kitchen. Time to open the fridge…

What? My hands are feet!

I’ll have to go down on my ass and open the fridge with my feet-hands. This is going to be awkward…there. Reaching up to get the bottle…more awkwardness…there. It’s too awkward for me to drink with my feet-hands. I’ll have to put the bottle between my hands-feet, and drink it down that way. Off with the cap, first.

Gulp it down my asshole-mouth…Eww! The lemonade is piss!

What a mess I’ve made all over the kitchen floor after spitting it out. That was stupid of me: of course, Mama was going to change more things, upset me more, and thwart my plans! I should take the bottle with the scissors back to the circle and do everything there. The scissors are in the kitchen drawer…there, got ’em with my foot-hand. Back to the circle.

Oh, shit! I forgot to put the cap back on the bottle. As I’m staggering back to the circle, I’m spilling piss on myself!

Finally, I’m back in. My body’s back to normal, and my lemonade is real lemonade. I’ll gulp this all down, clip my nails and snip off a bit of my hair, and put them in the empty bottle. I’d rather piss my own piss into it than trust the piss Mama put into the bottle outside the circle, for obvious reasons.

There, I drank it all down, and I’m glad I got rid of that horrible piss-taste in my mouth. Oh, I can see Mama’s ghost in the mirror; she isn’t smiling anymore. That scowl on her withered face is really reassuring.

I’ll just clip all my fingernails…there…put them in the bottle. I guess I don’t need to wash it; if I did, she’d still be smiling, waiting for me to come back out to use the kitchen sink, then have a chance to frustrate my hopes once again. There, I’ve cut off some hair, and put it in, too.

Now I’ll just wait to pee, and after that, chant those sacred, ancient words to sanctify the bottle. Then I’ll bury it outside, and I should be all the safer from Mama’s ghost.

Tomorrow, I’ll go find a shop that sells amulets and sachets.

Hey, I feel a piss coming on. Unzip, and let it out…aahh!

I’ll chant that verse again, then go back to sleep.

I see Mama’s really frowning in that mirror reflection.

Good.

‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Four

A week has passed since I had that nightmare, or vision, or whatever it was. Nothing crazy has happened since then; Mama’s ghost hasn’t done anything to upset me. She’s probably just taking her time with me–starting slowly and gradually building up, knowing that that dream, or vision, would be enough to disturb me for at least a week.

As I’ve walked to work and back home, I haven’t even seen that man trying to get my attention. Didn’t Mom want me to talk to him, according her her taunts, speaking through other people’s mouths?

Anyway, I’m in the Pet Valu store now, at the cash register, waiting for customers to come in. My aunt is using the washroom at the moment.

This is so stupid–me continuing to work here, when Mama left me so much money that I could just stay at home and never need to work again! If Aunt Jane wants to take over Mom’s business, for a way to pass the time, that’s her business; but she could easily hire someone to replace me…why won’t she?

I just heard the toilet flush in the back. She can come back here and be bored at the cash register while I face cans, or something. Here she comes.

“I can take over here, Roger,” she says.

“Good,” I snort, then step aside for her.

“Why the grumpy attitude?” she asks me with a scowl.

“I’m sick of it here,” I say. “Why don’t you find someone else to do this job? I don’t need the money. You know Mama left me enough to live on.”

“I already told you why, Roger. Your mother told me months ago, when she felt her health declining, that she wanted you to continue working, in spite of the objections she predicted you would make, so you would stay in contact with other people. That’s why I agreed to take over the pet food store when she died. We worry about you, Roger, that is, the whole family does. If you quit your job here, you’ll just sit around at home all day and all night, doing nothing but watching TV or wasting time online–probably looking at porn or something–avoiding people, and just rotting away in isolation. Having this job keeps you around people. It keeps you functioning on at least some level of normality. It’s good for you.”

I groan in annoyance at all of these words. The last thing that interacting with people has ever been is good for me; but try to convince my aunt to see the truth in that!

“I guess I’ll go face the cans,” I say with a sigh.

“Actually, there are some bags of Iams at the back,” she says. “They’re too big and heavy for me to lift. I need you to pick them up and put them under the older ones.”

“OK.” I walk over to the back.

At least I’d managed to talk her out of moving in with me, back when she suggested the idea…to watch over me, and make sure I “wasn’t doing anything foolish.” Her living in the apartment with me would be beyond awkward.

Just as I’ve been thinking about her interfering in my life, think of the Devil, and she appears.

I’m putting the older bags of Iams dog food on the two new bags I got from the back, and she has just arrived. I can feel her standing behind me.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, Roger, if you’ve talked to your father yet,” she says, causing me to groan in annoyance. “A few days ago, he told me he tried to get your attention when you were coming here or going home, and you just kept ignoring him, so he gave up trying. Have you spoken to him since then?”

“Of course not,” I say, then hiss between clenched teeth, “And he’s not my father. My father is dead. And even if he were alive, my real father couldn’t be such a foolish looking fellow as he.”

“How can you be so sure he isn’t your father if you never even find out? Why would he pretend?”

“Because he’s delusional, of course!”

“Roger, you’re hardly the one to be judging the mental stability of others, with your tendency to see and hear things. Don’t project your faults onto others…and don’t talk to me in that tone!”

“If you don’t like the way I talk to you, then just fire me!”

“You’re not getting out of this job, and out of the social world, this easily. You are going to meet him sooner or later, even if I have to bring him over to your apartment.”

“Oh, God, just leave me alone, would you?”

“Just get back to those bags, and watch your mouth,” she says, then walks away in a huff. “Impossible kid,” I hear her say under her breath.

Yeah, impossible “kid.” Mama always used to call me a kid, even well into my adulthood. I heard her call me that a few times even days before she died. I was never an adult to her, because she didn’t want me to be one. I had to remain a child in a man’s body for her, so she could control me better. She ruined my life with her witchcraft, and she seems to have come back to life in the form of my Aunt Jane. Or perhaps her spirit is possessing my aunt…that could be it!

Either way, I’m no freer than when Mama was alive.

Maybe this is it: maybe she’s using her magic in a subtle way. Could Mama’s spirit be worried that I, having learned a little magic of my own, might learn more, develop my skills at it, grow in power, and thus be a threat to her? It’s possible…unlikely, but possible.

Perhaps I can make it less unlikely if I really do make more of a study of the magic arts. In any case, she’ll keep persecuting me, and causing more and more mischief for the rest of the world, regardless of whether I try to stop her or not…so I’d better try learning more.

After work, I’m going back to the library.

*************

Here I am, at a table with a dozen or so books about how to communicate with, influence, and protect oneself from the spirit world. I’ve already spent several hours jotting down notes in the hope that they’ll help me against Mama.

I have no way of knowing if any of the books I’ve chosen are authoritative or if they’ve all been written by quacks and charlatans. If they’re any good at all, have I written down the better information from them, or have I just written down a bunch of useless nonsense?

In any case, what I have learned has at least given me some hope that I can stop Mama. It will improve my chances of sleeping tonight, if it doesn’t do anything else for me.

It’s getting late. I see nothing but black out that window over there to my right. I’d better put these books away and go home. I can read more from them tomorrow, and I can find more information online on my laptop, if I feel like it.

**********

I’m walking on a sidewalk with the library behind me, lampposts giving me some light in an otherwise starless, black night. It will be at least another ten blocks or so before I reach my apartment. The darkness is ominous.

A few of the spells I read about looked as if they could be effective. In my living room, I can use a piece of chalk or something to draw a magic circle on the floor, draw a pentacle in it, and chant the verse I wrote down to sanctify it.

If the spell works, that is, if it keeps Mama out, I can get my sleeping bag and sleep there, with the TV and my laptop handy to keep me entertained.

As for when I need to leave that zone of protection, another thing I learned from those books is that I can get an amulet or a witch bottle, something I can take with me anywhere for protection against Mama’s ghost. I hope buying such things won’t gouge out too much of my money.

I could fill the witch bottle with my urine, hair or nail clippings, or maybe with rosemary or red wine, if I find pissing into it to be too disgusting. I could bury the bottle in the dirt on the front lawn of my apartment building; I’ll do it at night, so no one sees me and tries to stop me.

The amulet could be a necklace of some kind that I can wear everywhere, never taking it off, for extra protection. I could buy a sachet, or Chinese xiangbao, to ward off Mama’s evil. All of these extra precautions should keep me safe; if none of them work, I really have no idea of what I’m going to do.

Hey…are those footsteps I’m hearing behind me? At this time of night, there are few pedestrians walking about, and there were none on the sidewalk as I left the almost-empty library, and I haven’t seen one person walking here since. Am I imagining the footsteps? Dare I look behind me?

Those aren’t my own footsteps, are they? Is my mind exaggerating the sound, making an imaginary echo? I’ll keep walking and listening: a pair of footfalls, or two pairs of them?

I’m hearing two pairs–no echo.

There’s no way I’m going to stop walking. In fact, I’m going to start walking faster, with long strides.

The person behind me is doing the same thing.

He…or she…sounds really close behind, too.

“Roger, please,” the male voice behind me says. “Can I have a minute to talk to you?”

Oh, God. It’s that guy again! Fine, I’ll talk to him. I’ll tell him to go away, as rude as I can be.

“Listen, buddy, can you fu…?” I begin as I’m turning my head back to see him. But what I end up seeing–illuminated by a nearby lamppost–is a man’s body with the head of a blue elephant!

“Roger, I can prove to you that I am your fa…” he begins.

But I’m already running, screaming, before that thing can finish its sentence.

Horizons

There
are those
who think our world today is normal in this state,

when
actually,
our world today should be seen from this perspective.

Many
on the
right think all our problems should be seen this way,

but
such a
vantage point just pushes things the other way.

The left is pushed so far aside, it isn’t even seen,

and
so, the
middle’s pushed rightwards, yet still seen as the centre.

‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Three

It’s celebration time here at home! Four hours into it, and I’ve already had a glass of red wine to start off, then two glasses of Kahlúa and milk, three glasses of Bailey’s Irish Cream, and four glasses of Jim Beam and Coke.

I. Am. So. Wasted.

I’ve been listening to music from YouTube videos, often annoyed by the ad interruptions. For the past hour, I’ve been playing a compilation video of songs from the 1980s. At the moment, I’m hearing one I haven’t heard in years. I don’t remember who did the song; I’m too wasted even to remember the song’s name, as ridiculous as that sounds.

The rhythm section sounds like a combination of heavy pounding on the drums with a drum machine. The keyboards are dark and eerie, while the singer–whose voice sounds really familiar, but I’m too drunk to place it–keeps doing a perverse, evil laugh.

What I do remember, and vividly at that, about the song is a line I’m singing along to: “Don’t leave me, Mama!” I sing it out loud, powerfully…then I remember my neighbours, above, below, and on either side of my apartment. I listen carefully for any reactions to the noise I’m making.

All I hear, apart from the song, is a feminine voice whispering, “I won’t leave you, Roger…ever.”

I stagger, almost falling on the floor.

*************

Several days have passed by since my little solo party on the night of the funeral day. I was too oppressed by my killer hangover the next day even to give a second’s thought about the voice I’d heard. So far, since hearing that whisper, I haven’t noticed anything disturbing or unusual.

My aunt is running the pet food store with the expected efficiency. I begged her to let me call her just by her name, without “Aunt”: she’s grudgingly allowing me to, thank God.

Sometimes, as I’m walking from my apartment to the pet food store, or the other way around, or if I’m out for any reason, such as to buy something from the grocery store, I’ll see that man again. He’ll gesture to me, wanting to get me to talk to him. I’ll turn my head away and pretend he’s not there. I really hope he’ll get the hint and stop bothering me.

Anyway, here I am on the sidewalk, on my way to the pet food store. As I’m walking past a park, I can see that man sitting on a bench under a tree. Oh, God, he’s waving at me! I’m turning my head away to ignore him–that should work.

Wait…what’s that over there? The face on the street sign on the other side of the street. It’s showing a man selling beer, but the mouth is moving. I hear, “Go on. Talk to him,” in a feminine voice.

It’s the voice of my mother.

I trip over a break in the sidewalk and fall on my face. As I get up, I can hear people laughing at me.

****************

Having arrived at work, I’m visibly shaken, for my aunt has noticed the fear on my face. “Roger, what’s wrong?” she asks.

“Oh, uh…I fell down,” I say. “It was embarrassing. People were laughing at me. You know how sensitive I am about that kind of thing.”

“Well, be more careful,” she says. “When you change into your Pet Valu shirt, the first thing I want you to do is face the cans.”

“OK,” I say; I change into the shirt, and go into an aisle to face the cat food cans. I see a middle-aged couple entering the store–a man and his wife, I assume. They’re coming into my aisle to look at the cat food.

After looking at the cans for a while, the woman says, “Hmm. No Whiskas to be seen anywhere here.”

“We should be getting a shipment later today,” I tell her. “Any time, really. I’m surprised it isn’t already here.”

“Could you ask your boss, please?” she asks.

“Sure,” I say. “Ma–er, Aunt–er, J-Jane?”

“Yes, Roger?” I hear her say with a sigh of annoyance, obviously from my not calling her Aunt Jane. “What is it?”

“Have the Whiskas arrived yet?” I ask her.

“The truck is on its way as we speak,” she says.

“When do you think it will get here?” I ask. “There’s a lady here who wants to buy some.”

“It should be here in about ten minutes,” she says.

“Can you wait ten minutes?” I ask the customer.

“Well, I’ll come back in about a half hour,” she says. Then, just as she’s walking away, I hear her say, “Go talk to that man in the park.”

Her voice changed distinctly into that of my mother.

The cans I had in my hands have fallen to the floor, just barely missing my feet.

**************

I haven’t heard Mama’s voice at all for the rest of the day, but I’ve been shaking the whole time. Is that voice real, or have I been imagining it? It sounds too exact, too vivid, to be an auditory hallucination.

After a week, I’m lying in bed at night, drifting off…

At night, I see the graveyard where Mama was buried. My eyes are like a movie camera, slowly coming closer to her grave. I see a yellow mist rising from the ground before the headstone. The mist stays there for a moment, hovering there. Then it floats away.

I see it moving down the street, in the direction of my apartment. My camera-like eyes follow the mist like a tracking shot. A white fog, like the kind you’d see in England, is all around, surrounding the original mist, which is still floating along, a hazy spot of yellow moving in the white haze. The yellow reaches my home.

It slips through my bedroom window like a ghost. Indeed, it is a ghost, for it wakes me from my sleep. I hear Mama’s voice: “Roger! Roger, wake up! It’s Mama.”

I wake up and look at the yellow mist, in the centre of which I see her face forming. She is grinning malevolently at me. “What do you want?” I ask in a tremulous voice. “You haven’t come here to kill me, have you? Have you come here for revenge?”

“Oh, no!” she says in a hissing voice. “On the contrary, I want to thank you for helping me to liberate myself from the limitations of my physical life.”

“Limitations?” I ask, my eyes and mouth wide open.

Yes. Being in a body puts great constraints on the magical powers that a witch like me can use. Now that I am all spirit, I am free to roam anywhere and do anything I like. Killing myself wouldn’t have worked, because the spirit world frowns on suicide as a sin, just like the Church does. So I needed to prod you into making that voodoo doll and killing me with it. And you, my dutiful son, did exactly that! You freed me from the prison of my body, and now I want to thank you for your gift of love! My good boy!”

“And what are you planning to do with all your newfound freedom?”

“Oh, I’m planning all kinds of mischief! Nothing I can tell you about in detail, though, since you, now acquainted with the magical arts, might try to stop me. If you want to stop me, you’ll have to hone your skills to a level matching a witch who’s been a master for decades, so you’ll have a lot of catching up to do. And with that bad habit of yours, always seeing and hearing things, you already have quite a bad handicap, so I’d advise not even trying to interfere with my plans, OK? Gotta go now, son. I have some wickedness to indulge in, now that my corporeal chains have been broken, thanks to you. Oh, how delightful it is to have power over so many people! What fun this will be! Don’t worry about it. You’ll see what I’m up to soon enough. ‘Bye!”

The glowing, golden mist evaporates, leaving me in total darkness.

I rise from my bed with wide open eyes, a pounding heartbeat, and sweat all over me. I’m shaking. My bedroom is as black as it was before, minus the mist. Was that a dream, or a vision? It’s hard to tell the difference between the two. Has this all been real, or have I been imagining it? Is Mama really a ghost, reappearing in my life to torment me, or is all of this just a reflection of my fears and guilt?

Come to think of it, it makes perfect sense that she would have planned my killing of her with the voodoo doll. That was far too easy; surely, she would have known, or at least suspected, what I was doing, with her far greater mastery of magic. So as strange as it may seem to believe she’s returned as a spirit, believing I, a novice in magic, could outwit her, is even less plausible.

This must be real.

As a witch, she’d know all about the spirit world and how to use it to aid her in her manipulative purposes. To become such a spirit herself would simply be the next step for her, no longer needing the aid of other spirits.

I’m in trouble.

The whole world is in trouble.

I’m not going back to sleep, that’s for sure.