Category: literature promotion

Gaza

Howcanwemovesouth
tosafetywhenthesouth
isn’tanysaferthere?
Howcanweleave
homesincethey’d
alreadytakenhome
somanyyearsago?
Howcanwegoout
whenweareheld
inanoutdoorjail?
Canweevenmove
aninchifweareall
crowdedsoclose
together?Canwe
cryforhelpifnoone
everlistens?Can
wedrinkdirtywater?
Canwebehumanifthey
saywe’reanimals?Canwe
fightifonlytheyhaveguns?
Howisourdefenceoffence,
andtheiroffencedefence?
Ifyoucan’trespond,then
we’llrespondwithHamas.

‘Gaya,’ a Surreal Adventure–Chapter Two

After a long march along the tunnels inside Gaya’s legs, the two separated bands of Tesel’s army reached her knees. In exhaustion, they all fell on their knees, hungry and despairing over the prospect of facing another ambush of Aisa’s army in the pelvic region.

“We can’t do it,” one of the men said to Fil.

“We’ll all be killed,” a man next to him added.

“It’s a miracle that as many of us survived as we did,” a man said to Tesel.

“Aisa’s men are sure to attack us again, as soon as we emerge from these leg tunnels,” Lia said. “Still, we can’t give up. Gaya is depending on us.”

“I know,” Tesel said to her. “But look at these men. They are completely demoralized.”

“What are we going to do?” she asked.

“That I don’t know,” he said.

Tesel and Lia looked out at all of their tired, miserable soldiers, as did Fil in the tunnel of the other leg. They couldn’t give up, yet they could only give up.

Just then, they all heard a female voice from up above. Was it a goddess’s voice, or that of a heavenly, female angel? The soldiers all listened in total silence.

This is what they heard: GayathisisLilayourfriendpleasedon’tdieonmeIwon’tbeabletobearitIneedyouIloveyouInever toldyouthatbeforebutIreallydoI’vealwayslovedyoueversinceourfirstscenewefilmedtogetherandit’snotonlyyourbodyit’sallofyouyourmindyourheartyourpaineverythingIwanttoshareallthosethingsofminewithyoursandIcan’tdothatifyoudiepleasedon’tdiewakeupsweetiewakeup

Though it was hard for the soldiers to understand what the goddess was saying up there, the sobbing in her words voiced what language couldn’t. Tesel was inspired by the pain he heard, and he strove to translate it to the men.

“Men!” he called out in a voice so loud, even Fil’s men in the tunnel of the other leg could hear him. “I know you’ve suffered, I know you’re tired and hungry, I know you’re afraid, but you must remember that Gaya has also suffered, she is also tired and hungry, and she is also afraid, because she is dying. And if she dies, we will all die, too. This horrific reality is why we must not give up hope, as hard as not giving up will be. Did you all not hear the weeping of the goddess from up in the heavens? She was weeping for our dying world!”

The men were now looking up at Tesel, those on both sides listening with love in their hearts for their land. They were beginning to feel ashamed of themselves for their weakness and selfishness.

“Now,” Tesel went on, “if we die in our next battle with Aisa, then we’ll die; but we’ll die fighting–we’ll die having tried. If we just stay here, afraid to die, we’ll still die in the end, because Gaya will die. We’ll have allowed Gaya to die. But…if we go back up there and fight, and win…or fight, and retreat on the other side, and enough of us survive, there is already great honor in that feat alone. What’s more, our survivors can move up her body, feed on her breast-milk, feel the love of her heart, gain fighting skills from her hands, and gain insight from her mind. All of these together can be used to defeat Aisa’s army once and for all, and to save Gaya, to bring her back to health! Men, are you with me?!”

“YEAHHHHH!!!!” all of the men on both sides shouted.

This speech gave all the soldiers renewed strength and hope, and after having had enough rest, they all rose and continued their march in the tunnels of Gaya’s upper legs. Those led by Tesel and Lia, having heard his speech louder and right before them so they could see his encouraging eyes, were all the more inspired and energized, so they reached Gaya’s pelvic region sooner. Fil’s followers were slowed down all the more by his sporadic swigs of wine from a cup he’d been hiding from Tesel’s sight in a bag tied to his belt.

Aisa was watching the approach of Tesel’s men. He was pleasantly surprised to see so few.

“Is that all?” he asked his second-in-command, Lew. “Surely more than that retreated from us.”

“The other half went down the other leg,” Lew said.

“Yes, but why haven’t they returned with Tesel’s men?” Aisa asked.

“They may arrive soon after,” Lew said.

“Or they were so intimidated by our strength that they rightly don’t dare try to fight us again,” Aisa said with a proud smirk.

“That could be, but just to be sure, we should station some men to watch the entrance from the other leg.”

“Very well. Have three men wait there, and they can call out to us if the rest of Tesel’s men emerge. I suspect, all the same, that they’ll be too cowardly to face us again.”

So three of Aisa’s men were put at the other leg’s entrance. while the rest of them, grinning with ravenous teeth, watched Tesel’s group approaching.

“All of them are going to fight our half of the army?” Lia asked. “We cannot take on all of Aisa’s men at once, not without Fil and the others.”

“I suspect they think the half that Fil is leading won’t come at all,” Tesel said. “Fil is probably slowing them down with his pauses to drink wine. You know how he is. After all, I’m not with him to stop him from doing that.”

“Then the drunken fool won’t lead his men into battle!” she said.

“Oh, he will,” Tesel reassured her. “Fil may be a drunk, but he’s trustworthy, we know that. He and his men will just be a little late.”

“Late enough for us to be massacred!”

“I don’t think so, Lia. Aisa’s men have a hungry and overconfident look on their faces, as you can see before you. They’ll take the fight lightly. We know Aisa’s pride. Meanwhile, Fil’s tipsiness will bring out his aggression, and his men will charge right in as soon as they see what’s happening. They’ll surprise Aisa’s men, taking them all off guard, and this just might aid us in a victory, or at least a severe weakening of Aisa’s men, which will be an encouragement to us.”

“That just might be,” she said with a smile.

“All of you back there,” Tesel shouted back at his half of the army. “Fight hard! Fil and his men will arrive to help us soon enough! Take heart! The more of Aisa’s men we kill without Fil’s men, the greater glory for us. Charge!“

All of Tesel’s men yelled as they rushed forward.

Aisa’s men didn’t bother with the illusion of dancing nude women this time. They considered this battle an easy win without the need of tricks, and they knew that Tesel’s men wouldn’t be fooled by that illusion a second time in a row, as enticing as it might have looked. They just charged in as their enemy was doing.

Aisa and Tesel ran straight at each other, their swords raised up high, and their teeth clenched to show their lust for each other’s blood. Their swords clashed with an ear-splitting clang and locked together, and looking each other in the eye, the men struggled to bring the other’s sword down.

Both armies smashed into each other like colliding cars. Aisa’s men imagined they would just eat up Tesel’s but they were surprised–and impressed–to see so much bravery and resilience in such a small group of troops.

Tesel’s army managed to mow their way through a large section of Aisa’s. Blood was spraying everywhere, but Aisa’s men in the back assumed most of it was the enemy’s blood. Lopped-off heads and arms flew in the air.

Tesel and Aisa kept clanging their swords together.

“This is suicide for you and your men, Tesel,” Aisa said when both men paused to regain some strength. “You should not have come back. You have no hope of defeating us. All of this bravery your men are showing will have been for nothing. Give up!“

“We still have a few surprises left, Aisa,” Tesel said, then lunged at his enemy. Their clashing of swords resumed.

Fil’s followers emerged from the top of Gaya’s leg. As soon as they saw the three men stationed there by Aisa, Fil and two others threw knives at them, hitting each dead in the chest. They fell before they could call out to Aisa’s army. Fil and his soldiers could come up and attack their enemy from behind unseen.

They all lined up behind Aisa’s rear guard and began by stabbing each man in the back. The men’s cries of pain were heard by those immediately in front of them, but when those men turned around, swords were stabbed in their guts before they could defend themselves. The next line of Aisa’s men were ready, though, and Fil’s warriors had to clash swords with them.

Aisa’s men had adjusted to fighting on two fronts now, and they were no longer taking the fight easily. They were making all of Tesel’s men feel the full power of their fighting ability. They were turning the battle around in their favour.

Aisa’s sword slashed a deep cut in Tesel’s arm, making him slip and fall. Aisa raised his sword, ready to deal the killing blow, when Lia raced over and slashed Aisa’s left leg. Aisa limped with a groan of pain.

He swept his sword in the air in an arc that would have sliced off her head had she not dodged it. Then he tried a lunge at her guts, and he would have killed her, except…

…an earthquake…

Everyone fell to the side. Luckily for Tesel’s men, most of them–including himself, Fil, and Lia–fell upward in the direction of Gaya’s heart and breasts, farther off from Aisa’s men to be able to retreat. They all heard voices from above:

That’sitletsgetheroverontothisbedoverherethenwecanreplacethesheetswithfreshonestheregoodnowlet’sgetthedirtyoldsheetsandpillowcaseoff

The earthquake ended as quickly as it had started, and Tesel’s men quickly got up and took advantage of the situation.

Aisa’s men watched them retreating. “That’s it,” one of them shouted. “Run away from us again, like the cowards you are!”

“Don’t listen to them!” Lia shouted. “We’ll be back, and we’ll be better!”

“That’s right,” Tesel said, his hand on his bloody arm. “We’re heading for Gaya’s stomach, then to her heart and breasts, where we’ll feed and revive ourselves. We’ll reach her hands, where we’ll improve our fighting skills, then finally to her brain, where we’ll learn a battle plan to defeat Aisa once and for all. Onward!“

His surviving soldiers were tired and hurt, but with much more confidence and hope. They could see a real possibility to defeat the enemy.

Terraces

The upper classes
are kept up by the middle classes,
who are scared of dropping to the lower classes.

The wealthy
should be lowered to the middle,
so that we can bring the poor up from their misery.

The super-rich
will never be brought down,
so the poor must rise up to take them down.

The establishment of a temporary workers’ state
can equalize us by keeping a tight leash
on the rich, stopping their rise;

then the capable
can produce all of the things
that everyone needs, down to the neediest.

‘Gaya,’ a Surreal Adventure–Chapter One

Their world was dying; they had to band together and fight the enemy to save her. Tesel was leading his group of about fourscore warriors through the dimly-lit tunnels, caverns, and caves inside of Gaya, a planet that was a giant woman’s body (Yes, as odd as that sounds, that’s what it was, so just go along with that.).

Aisa’s army of at least about a hundred men were ravaging the planet’s subterranean world, using their swords and spears to hack up her insides. Tesel’s latest report was that Aisa was in the intestinal region, cutting through the smelly huge tubes of flesh his army was trudging in. Tesel and his fighters were dreading having to go there, less because of the foul stench and the disgusting mud they’d have to wade through–how like a sewer!–than because they knew, in confronting the larger and much stronger enemy, that they were facing almost certain death.

As Tesel’s army marched toward Gaya’s intestines, they heard voices from above, from time to time. The voices were from far off, but loud enough to be heard underground. Tesel’s fighters believed that these voices were coming from heaven, the voices of gods, goddesses, and angels, voices of comfort and assistance. They had no idea of what the celestial voices were saying, what the words meant, words of a totally different world, but they listened carefully every time they heard the voices, stopping their marching to be as silent as possible, hoping and trying to figure out the words’ mysterious meaning. Was it divine aid, given in a cryptic form? They certainly wanted to believe it was.

At one point, these were the fragments they could make out:

comapornographicactress…ketaminealcoholmarijuanaecstasy…semengangrape…glasscuts…onherfaceshouldersandbreastscarcrashalmostdrownedinalake…nofamilyIDGayaWeld…awoman…foundherandtookhertohospital

They heard all the sounds run together, but couldn’t discern any meaning behind them at all. When the talking was finished, they resumed their march to face Aisa’s army.

Tesel’s right-hand man was Fil, who wrote in a log recording the events of every day, including the reports of Aisa’s army in Gaya’s intestines. Now, Fil was a good man and a brave fighter, but he was also prone to drinking lots of wine at night, so Tesel often had to discipline Fil to make him leave the bottle alone. A woman warrior who fought in the front ranks of Tesel’s army was Lia, handy with a sword, and with a great love of their planet, eager to save and protect Gaya to the point of fanaticism.

As dedicated as Tesel’s warriors were, though, Aisa’s men were a formidable, deadly bunch. Aisa’s right-hand man was Titos, who directed the men into battle and was a crucial aide in the strategizing of battles, including how to create diversions and distractions so their army could sneak up on unsuspecting victims. The man who produced the distracting visions was a magician named Gujon; he often seduced the enemy with enticing images of dancing, beautiful nude women. Just as the enemy was most in the women’s thrall, that was when Aisa’s army would attack, usually killing them all.

Many of Aisa’s men enjoyed raping the conquered enemy, male and female alike, often in the form of brutal gang rapes. Lia was fully aware of the danger she was getting herself into, as were all of the female fighters in Tesel’s army; their love of Planet Gaya, and their dedication to protecting her, was so strong that it rendered all fears of rape to be virtually nonexistent. To these women, Aisa’s rapists were little more than aggravating, unfaithful former male lovers.

Tesel’s army knew they were getting close to the intestinal area: the smell was getting overpowering. Some of the warriors were retching; a few others were puking. It was getting darker than usual: the glow that inexplicably lit the tunnel walls was dimming. The warriors were moving slower now. They kept as quiet as possible, listening for any movement of Aisa’s army.

As they crept closer, the foul smell vanished unaccountably. It was replaced by a fragrant, flowery smell, like perfume.

“What?” Tesel whispered after a few sniffs.

“Well, thank the gods for the pleasant change,” Fil said.

“No, Fil, this isn’t right,” Lia said. “This can’t be really happening.”

And just then, a dozen beautiful nude women appeared before them all, dancing seductively.

“They’re real enough for me,” said Fil with a lustful smile.

“Me, too!” shouted several men at the front of the army.

All of these men, including Fil, dropped their weapons and ran at the women, grabbing them and putting them in position for gangbangs. The women, smiling lewdly, offered no resistance at all. Only Tesel, Lia, and all those soldiers who were too late to get at the girls, refrained from the indulgence; though Lia was looking at a nude dancer who looked identical to Gaya Weld, and wishing she could have her.

All of the nude women seemed to be enjoying their multiple penetrations as much as their penetrators were, including the one Lia was interested in. The three soldiers all having her at the same time looked like the ones at the house party Gaya Weld had driven away from.

Though the rest of Tesel’s men couldn’t physically participate, they all enjoyed watching the orgy, all of them looking on as if hypnotized. The women fighters–apart from Lia, who continued looking longingly at ‘Gaya,’ looked away from the spectacle in disgust. Tesel watched only in disbelief.

“You’re right, Lia,” he said with a frown. “This is wrong. It can’t be really happening. It must be one of Aisa’s tricks.”

…and just as he finished saying that, Aisa’s men, as if on cue, ambushed the lot of them. Of the men in the orgy, only Fil escaped death, for the nude dancers suddenly transformed into men with swords and knives, stabbing their would-be lovers. Though as unarmed as his fellow soldiers were initially, Fil managed to get a sword from one of his attackers, stab him, then slice his way out of the ambush.

Of the female fighters who were jumped and put into the same positions as the ‘dancers,’ only Lia was able to fight them off before they could rape her. She was swinging and lunging with her sword in a frenzy, stabbing, disemboweling, and decapitating her attackers one right after the other. Then she looked over where her female comrades were having their clothing torn off.

She ran over to their aid, stabbing her sword in each rapist’s back as he was too distracted by his lust to see her coming. None of the other men in Tesel’s army could help her rescue the women because they were too busy trying to fight off Aisa’s horde, if not being killed already.

Fil and Tesel watched in horror as they saw their men getting mowed down by the enemy. Blood was spraying everywhere, as were the deafening screams of those whose bodies were being invaded by swords. The deaths seemed to be all on their side only. Tesel saw Aisa from a distance, laughing at Tesel’s great losses.

“This isn’t a battle,” Fil said to Tesel. “It’s a massacre!”

“You’re right,” Tesel said, then shouted, “Retreat!”

“Retreat!” Lia and Fil shouted with him. “Retreat!”

The survivors, after fighting off those in the front lines of Aisa’s attackers, ran off with Tesel, Fil, and Lia. They split up into two groups, one following Tesel and Lia, and the other following Fil.

Their total remaining number was about sixty now, thirty going with Tesel and Lia, and thirty going with Fil, running down large tunnels going in two separate directions. As they’d started going, some of the survivors looked back, seeing the bloody corpses of the fallen slipping through the tubes of the intestines to be shat out of Gaya’s anus.

The great majority of these fallen were Tesel’s men, not Aisa’s. The great majority of the fallen men of Aisa’s army were those killed by Lia.

As the survivors were running frantically down those large, separate tunnels, they were shaking in fear and trying to treat their many wounds. They faced a long trek the way they were going, with no idea if they were going in a useful direction or not.

“Where are we going, Fil?” a soldier asked him in panting breaths.

“I’m not sure,” Fil said. “I hope we’re going along the tunnel of Gaya’s arm to her hand, where we can acquire better fighting skills.”

Lia asked Tesel the same question as they ran down their tunnel, and she got the same answer from him; but disorientation from the terror they felt from the attack made it impossible for either Fil or Tesel to be sure if they were going the right way. All they knew is that they wanted to be as far from Aisa’s men as they could.

After a long trek down those tunnels, they reached slight bends in them, at the same distance from where the tunnels began and branched out.

“Is this an elbow?” Tesel asked. Fil wondered the same thing.

Hoping they were right, relieved that they weren’t being chased by Aisa’s men, and too exhausted from their constant marching, they all decided to stop and rest there. All of the soldiers in both tunnels fell to their knees with loud groans.

As they rested, they bandaged the wounds they hadn’t had time to look at when they were constantly on the retreat. They were hungry, but they had no food.

They heard voices from heaven again:

Ithinkshe’sdreaming…peopleincomasdon’tdreamsomedo,doctor…haveyouchangedherbedsheets?We’llgettoitsoon.

Still, Tesel’s men didn’t understand a word of it.

After several hours of sleep, they all got up and resumed their trek along their respective tunnels. Tesel and Fil, leading the two groups, kept their hopes alive that they were nearing Gaya’s hands, where they’d all be sure to learn how to wield their swords better.

Eventually, after hours of marching, they reached the dead ends of their tunnels. No indication of how to improve as swordsmen was given. Also, the caverns they’d entered were too large, too spacious, to be the insides of Gaya’s hands.

Tesel and Fil realized the exasperating truth at the same time.

“Oh, no,” Fil said with a sigh.

“This isn’t a hand,” Tesel said. “It’s a foot. We went down the legs, not the arms.”

“We went the wrong way,” Fil said. “We have to go back.”

All the warriors in both feet let out despairing moans.

They all turned around, and with the greatest reluctance, they began marching back in the unavoidable direction of Aisa’s army.

‘Gaya,’ a Surreal Adventure–Induction

Oh I’m really in the K-hole now nothing I see is what it really is but it sure looks real from here that was a wild party but I had to get away so many drugs so much booze this song I got playing on my radio saying it all…”marijuana, ecstasy…alcohol…K-K-K-cocaine!”

That and all the sex I had men pumping in and out of all three of my holes the K stopped me from feeling any pain I’ve got my foot pressed down on the gas my bare foot (Am I still naked?) it’s so dark out here as I race out into the night not like the bright light of the living room at the house party all those men with their hands all over me it’s so good to be all alone now away from them and their groping what I see out here looks like dark fungus instead of trees or bushes

Were the guys filming us as we did it I didn’t see Phil with his camera normally he films every bit of sex he sees especially when I’m involved since I 21-year-old Gaya Weld am the big star of all their money-making movies I saw Phil holding the bottle of Jim Beam I was drinking from I guess he was too drunk and stoned to be able to hold his camera steady just as I’m much too drunk and stoned to be driving

Yeah I’m no steadier behind the wheel than Phil would be with his camera I can feel myself going left and right it’s a miracle I haven’t crashed of course there’s nothing for me to crash into all I see are stars up above am I in my car or am I in a spaceship…yeah that’s it I’m in space!

Everything out there beyond my headlights is pure black except for the stars glowing up above I see no road before me no borders to the sides of it just black so I’m in a spaceship going far out there it’s thrilling to get away from Earth it’s a sick planet I feel like a sick planet myself so it’s good to get away from myself and everything that’s so awful down there

It’s fun having sex partying all the time getting drunk and stoned but I hate my life all I do is try to escape from everything from my pain from being used and abused all the time by men who take my body and ram into it and think that giving me lots of money will make up for everything they do to me

I have a great body with nice natural big tits curves and a round ass a pretty kissable fuckable face but that’s all anyone sees of value in me can people please like me for more than just cocksucking I’m tired of just being a thing for men’s pleasure don’t I have a mind too there must be more to life than what I have been doing with it

It all started the first time my dad raped me when I was a teen he made me feel as though sex is all I’m good for then all the boys in high school started taking advantage of me and a boyfriend got connections to the adult film industry as soon as I was old enough to be hired for it

and here I am now a spacewoman among the stars

It feels so good to get away from the troubles of the Earth to be up here in heaven safe from all the dangers down there in that hell of a place with no more men making me degrade myself

Oh look at that out there space the stars up above it’s so beautiful I feel free here in my spaceship no one to bother me no one to grab me

Sex is good but have you ever been in outer space on your own so free you can go anywhere you want and nobody nothing can stop you

Man I am so high from this K I’m on it’s like there’s a force field all around me protecting me like metallic armour no one can hurt me here out in space my head is swimming my brain feels like it’s getting a massage from skillful sensitive gentle fingers

I’m so high I forgot to put on my astronaut uniform I’m sitting here completely naked at my seat it’s chilly with the roof down and the wind blowing in my hair but there’s no wind in outer space I’m really stoned this K-hole is like a wormhole into the other side of the universe or into a completely different universe where maybe I don’t know maybe there could be wind blowing around in space like all the laws of nature and physics are completely different in this alternate world

In any case I’m flying in my spaceship without a care in the world ’cause I’m in a totally different world where all the rules are different and I’m free of rules free of constraints free of men trying to take advantage of me I’m free I’m happy for the first time in my whole miserable life I’m actually not miserable for once

Hey what happened to the stars I don’t see them anymore everything has gone black is that all giant clumps of dark green fungi that I see in front of me how did that all get there all of a sudden where am I?

My spaceship is shaking as if I crash-landed on some strange dark planet at night no sun no stars nothing to see but black and dark giant fungi the ground the wheels of my spaceship are running on feels rough and gravelly where am I going?

Something vaguely wavy is in front of me is that water is my spaceship going to go into it or is it a wormhole taking me God knows where

Oh my ship hit something I’m not wearing a seatbelt so I’m flying forward out of my seat my head and shoulders feel something (glass?) I’m breaking through the K is ensuring I don’t feel any pain I’m flying in the air flying

All I see is wavy blackness is this a wormhole I’m going through I’ve just hit a watery surface head and shoulders first that’s what it feels like anyway this must be a wormhole into another world another dimension I’m so high nothing feels real nothing is what I think it is I feel wet I feel cold

In this new world can I breathe water like a fish I’m about to find out

‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Fourteen (Final Chapter)

I see three large pins leaning against the wall opposite me, the sharp ends pointing up, the white ball handles resting on the ground. They’re all the size and length of spears.

They look just like the pins I used on the voodoo doll for Mama, except of course for their huge size. Since that’s what they look like, and there’s a window on that wall they’re resting against, I probably ought to stand up and take a look at my reflection in it.

Yep, just as I thought: instead of seeing myself as I actually look, I see a giant voodoo doll version of myself. Another of my vivid hallucinations, for sure.

…and check this out. Those pins are now rising up from the ground, floating horizontally, with their sharp ends pointed directly at me. I suppose they’re going to fly right at me, like thrown spears, and stab into my chest and guts. If only this wasn’t a hallucination–I’d love to die.

In the window reflection, I still look like a giant voodoo doll. I’m surely fantasizing that Mama’s ghost is taking her revenge on me for sticking pins into that voodoo doll of mine that I’d made of her. That’s the logical explanation for this hallucination I’m seeing here.

It’s funny how, even though I finally realize what my mind is doing, I’m still hallucinating. Though I’ve brought my unconscious fears and desires up into my consciousness, I am by no means cured of my propensity to see and hear things. My eyes and ears continue to deceive me because I want to continue deceiving myself.

Oh, here they come. Those pins are flying right at me.

I’ll stick my chest and guts out to receive them better, even though I know I won’t be…

“Unghhhh!!!”

This is…the most intense,…the most vivid…hallucination…I’ve ever had.

I really feel…three stab wounds…one just above…my heart…towards my shoulder…one towards…my left side…under my nipple…and one in…my gut…just over…and to the…right of my…belly button.

I’m coughing blood…It really feels…like I am…The pain is sharp…and intense…My whole torso…is drowning…in blood…I’m lying…flat on my back…on the ground.

The pain…is still here…I’ve never hallucinated…this intensely…before…I’ve seen things…I’ve heard things…but I’ve never felt things…not this badly, anyway.

This is no hallucination…this is really happening!

I saw no attacker, though…I saw no one…running into…this alley,…sticking a knife…into me…three times…then running off…If I hallucinate…I’ll at least…see a distortion…of what…really happened…there will be…a hallucinatory substitution…of the actual event.

The three pins…could have represented…three stab wounds..but I should have…seen someone…or something…to represent my killer…Besides, who would have…come in here…randomly wanting…to kill me?

Who’s this…coming up to me now?

“Here he is,” a man among them says. “Ooh! He’s been stabbed! Who did this? I saw nobody else come in this alley.”

“Neither did I,” a woman beside him says. “There’s no murder weapon lying around anywhere, either. No knife, no…He’s already lost a lot of blood. I’m amazed he’s still conscious. It’s a good thing another ambulance got here. We’ve gotta rush him to the hospital!”

As they’re…putting me…on a stretcher, I’m thinking…Don’t bother…I’m gonna die…I want to die…I hate my life…My life is…Hell…

Wait a minute…I can’t explain…what reality…this hallucination…corresponds to…These people…are putting me…into an ambulance…All of this…looks normal…They’ve put…an oxygen mask…on my face.

Could it be…that I didn’t hallucinate…that last time?

Did Mama’s ghost…really do that…to me?

None of those people…saw a killer…run in and…stab me…then run out…They do see my stab wounds, though….They’ve bandaged them.

Very clever, Mama.

You wiped out…Aunt Jane…and that man…because you didn’t…need them anymore…They served their purpose…and you removed them…In making me…doubt myself,…you reinforced…my feelings of worthlessness…so I’d stop trying…to resist you…Now that you…have killed me,…you can torture me…in the deeper, darker regions…of Hell,…while you…destroy the world…without my ability…to stop you.

There is no escape for me.

My no longer believing…in the supernatural…was a wish fulfillment…I could hope…for a quick death…and nothingness afterwards…a nothingness…of peace…no Hell.

Now,…with her spirit…on the loose…since she no longer…has a body…to limit her magical powers…she can do anything…and with me dead,…I can’t use…what magic I know…to stop her.

Wait a minute…

With my death…I’ll be free…from the limitations…of my body, too…As pure spirit,…I’ll be able…to gain access…to all kinds…of magical formulas…just like her…I can still stop her!

The hospital staff…are taking me…out of the ambulance.

A mushroom cloud…just blew up…in the distant sky…The ground is shaking.

The staff…were startled by it…They reacted to it.

I didn’t just…imagine it…The explosion…was real.

Mama’s ghost…is destroying the world…I must die quickly,…free my soul…from my body…and fight her…with my own magic.

But her power…is so much…greater than mine…I’ll have to learn…a lot of magic,…and quickly…to stop her.

How can I…grow in power…quickly enough…to stop her?

Transcending my ego,…uniting my spirit…with that of…the world spirit…should give me…the power I need.

In my dying moments,…I must meditate…my fading…consciousness…should make it…easier for me…

And with no me…no Roger…separate from the world…no ego…for Mama…to target,…she won’t…be able…to stop me.

I…must…concentrate…

There is…no Roger…I’m merging…with Brahman…

My blood…is spreading…out everywhere…as is…my soul…It’s uniting…with the world…

My union…with the world spirit…will defeat…her ghost…

My…inner peace…will destroy…her hate…and wickedness…

Mama,…I’m gonna…kill…you…again…

THE END

‘Mama,’ a Psychological Horror Novel, Chapter Thirteen

Whoa! Look at that huge mushroom cloud in the sky, far off in the distance. No one, other than myself, has even noticed it, much less reacted to it. Now that Mama’s ghost is having me put away, where I can’t do anything to stop her, she can go ahead with her plans to destroy the world and bring us all to Hell, to join her. The people on the streets aren’t reacting to the nuclear blast because her magic is restraining them, hypnotizing them into a state of total apathy!

No one cares. No one will help me. Aunt Jane and…that man everyone says is my father…are just working for Mama’s ghost, to keep me under her control so she can be free to unleash her mayhem on the world. I’m powerless to save everyone from her.

I wanna kill myself so badly, but I can’t, because: I can’t escape from the clutches of the staff taking me back to the mental hospital; I’m too chicken to endure the pain of slashing my wrists, or jumping off of a building, or any other violent form of suicide; I have no pills to OD on; and besides, killing myself will only bring myself further into Hell and under Mama’s control.

There’s nothing I can do to relieve my pain. No…

Oof! What…the…? Did one of those boats on this surreal road just collide with the elephant I’m riding on? Oh! It’s losing balance…I’m falling off!

Aah! I just hit the road on my left side, hurting my upper arm and hip. Now I’m in pain on both sides of my body, after that motorcycle crash I had before.

Hey, I see Aunt Jane and…that man…lying on the road, too. They’re all bloody and unconscious. Are they dead? I’ll check for her pulse: oh, my God, she is dead. She was working for Mama’s ghost, though, helping to ensure that I stay locked away in the mental hospital, so I couldn’t stop Mama from using her magic to make a Hell here on Earth. Why would Mama kill my aunt all of a sudden?

What’s that? Coughing coming from…that man. I’ll go over to him, in spite of my revulsion from him. What does he want from me now?

“Roger…Roger,” he’s saying between gasps and coughs. “I…am your…father. Why…can’t you…just accept me?” More coughing from him–it’s revolting to watch and hear.

Again, though, I must ask myself: why would Mama’s ghost kill off the people who were helping her? I see the hospital worker, the one who was steering the elephant we were on, lying next to ‘Dad,’ dead and covered in his own blood, too.

“I…love…you, Roger,” says ‘Dad,’ then his head falls to the side, and he’s lying there dead, with his eyes wide open. I’m checking his pulse. No, he’s definitely dead.

I don’t understand any of this. Why is Mama doing this?

None of it makes any sense, unless…

…unless it’s all just been figments of my imagination the whole time.

Is that why no one responded to the nuclear blast I saw a few minutes ago? Because there was no nuclear blast?

My seeing boats on the road instead of cars, celery sticks instead of lampposts, animal heads on people’s bodies, mushrooms instead of skyscrapers, fire in the background, blue elephants instead of ambulances to take me back to the mental hospital,…none of these are Mama’s magic, but just my hallucinations going to such an extreme?

All because I can’t accept that this man was my father?

Hey…as I look all around me, I see that the surreal imagery I’d seen before is all gone. Now, everything looks normal: cars and buses on the road, lampposts, tall buildings, pedestrians with human heads, no fire to be seen anywhere at all, not even on the horizon. All there is before me is that car crash–my ambulance lying on its side, with the back door wide open so I could crawl out and look around outside, and my aunt and…my…father…lying here, dead.

The world is just an ordinary place.

And I am just an ordinary man.

I’m no hero. My life isn’t the great melodrama that I imagined it to be, with a demonic mother persecuting me. I probably didn’t even kill her; as everybody else told me, she just died of a heart attack, and I was just a fool sticking pins into a doll that had no effect on her at all. I’m nothing special; I’m just a deluded idiot.

And because of my resistance from them, I just lost the only two people in the whole world who actually cared about me. I’m mediocre, and alone.

This existence is worse than any fiery Hell I could imagine…and it’s all of my own creation.

People are crowding around the ambulance. I’ve got to get away from them, or else I’ll be put in that mental institution for the rest of my life, and I don’t want the rest of my life to be a long one.

Since there’s no mother-demon trying to get me, suicide is still a viable option for me. I’m getting out of here, now, before another ambulance arrives!

Umph! Oh, getting this crowd of onlookers to open up a path for me is annoyingly difficult!

“C’mon, you people! Out of my way!” I shout.

“Hey, don’t be so pushy!” a man says.

“You’re injured,” a woman says. “You need to go to the hospital, Sir.”

“Mind your own business!” I shout, then get free.

I’m running away from the crash scene and down the street. I see an alley between two tall buildings, and I’m running towards it.

A voice whispers in my ear, “Yes, Roger, go in there.”

That was another hallucination, of course, the voice of ‘Mama.’ I don’t believe any of that’s real anymore, but I’m still going into the alley. Piles of garbage bags and boxes are lying against the walls on both sides. Is this where I was before, when I crashed the bike? It smells just as bad.

Looking back, I can see a few people running after me. I’d better hide.

Behind these boxes here will be good. Yeah, those people just ran past. I can hear them running farther and farther away, their footsteps getting softer and softer. I hear nothing at all now.

Good. I’m all alone now. No one to bother me. Absolute peace.

…except for the war going on in my heart.

I hate my life. I never amounted to anything. The only way I could make my life have any meaning was to make up a melodramatic, hallucinatory story about my mother being a witch and a demon from Hell bent on destroying the world, so I could fancy myself a hero about to save everyone. What a load of ridiculous nonsense, all fabricated to hide the truth from myself, that I’m just a pathetic loser! I couldn’t have an average man as a father, because I’m below average.

If only I could have just accepted that man as my father! I could have grown to love him, to receive his love, and then finally learn to love myself! And now he’s dead.

Now I have nobody to value me in any way.

I hate myself, and I want to die. But I’m too scared to kill myself, as much as I hate living.

If only I could kill myself quickly and painlessly. I have no sleeping pills or other drugs to OD on. I have no access to a bathtub and razors so I can do it the old Roman way. And I don’t have the guts to jump off of a tall building.

What am I going to do? I don’t want to be in a mental institution for the rest of my worthless life.

I want to die…now…but I can’t do it.

If only there were somebody out there who could do it for me. Any murderers out there?

Is there anything in these boxes or garbage bags that I could use? Any bottles I could break, and use the jagged edge to cut myself? Let me take a look…

Hey, what’s that over there, by the opposite wall? Another hallucination? Very well–bring it on. Nothing else is helping.