Oh, wow! That was such a restful sleep I had! I can see the morning sun shining through the window to my left, welcoming me to go outside. I know I can go outside of this circle on my living room floor, and even just outside my apartment building, with no fear of the magic of Mama’s ghost causing me such problems as she did for me last night.
How am I so free of fear? Because of my witch bottle, of course! I was already safe as soon as I made it and consecrated it with that verse I’d chanted to consecrate the magic circle.
When I left the circle with the witch bottle in my hand, my body didn’t change at all, the way it did so shockingly last night. Mama’s ghost was still frowning at me from the living room mirror, a good sign that she couldn’t do anything to harm me or frustrate me. I took the bottle and a shovel outside, dug a hole in the front lawn as planned, a small hole in the corner–where the lawn met the sidewalk and the driveway–where no one would notice much of a change in the look of the area, and I buried the bottle there.
I returned to my apartment with perfect safety–no bizarre changes to my body or anything else like that. I returned to my circle, this time with my bedroom blanket and pillow. I lay there on the floor, saw Mama’s ghost frowning in the mirror reflection again, and closed my eyes with a peaceful smile on my face. I fell asleep within a few minutes.
Now I can eat some cereal with no fear that she’s going to change it into something disgusting and inedible. I’m up, I’ve gone out of the circle with no problems, and I can confidently eat my breakfast.
I see myself in that mirror all looking normal. Mama’s ghost isn’t even there anymore, scowling or smiling. I guess she doesn’t want to see me gloating at her.
I’m eating a bowl of Shreddies in the kitchen now, and sure enough nothing is wrong. Oh, I feel so much better knowing that I’ve developed magical abilities to thwart her power! Thus encouraged, I’m sure to learn more so I can keep her from doing anything worse to me, or to the rest of the world.
Now that I’ve finished my delicious breakfast, I can take a shower, get dressed, and go to do my shift at the Pet Valu store. Of course, once I’ve gone far enough away from my apartment, my protective magic won’t be able to stop Mama from engaging in any more mischief. I’ll need protection for everywhere I go.
I’ll need to buy an amulet or a sachet.
I think I know a place downtown, an occult store. I can go there and look around. I just hope Mama doesn’t do anything to prevent me from getting there and finding something good.
***********
OK, I finished my shower and put on some fresh clothes, still with no problems. I just have to get outside and over to that downtown store safely. Mama’s ghost will be so mad at me for stopping her here at home that she’ll surely want to get revenge on me.
What am I going to do to protect myself on the way to that store? What if I chanted that verse I used to sanctify the circle and witch bottle? What if I chanted it over and over again, with no breaks in between? Hey, that just might work!
Since getting to the store is priority, I’ll have to be late for my shift at the pet food store. Oh, well: what is Aunt Jane going to do, fire me? She’d only be doing me a favour.
Well, I’m outside now, and I’ve walked past the spot where I buried the witch bottle. I’m walking on the sidewalk, getting farther and farther away from my apartment building, and so far, nothing crazy has happened.
But it’s sure to start happening any second now.
To be on the safe side, I’d better start chanting that verse.
Wana baka waigo,
Iman kuchi zdega
Kalu bodi gana.
Sibako woli zuku.
Wow, just as I started chanting the first line of the verse, I saw the nose of a man about to walk past me turn into a snake, yet my words quickly made the snake dissolve and turn back into a nose just as he passed me! Of the other people on the sidewalk about to pass me, I’m seeing green, slithery noses on them, too! I’d better keep chanting: Wana baka waigo…
Good, their noses are back to normal, too. Iman kuchi zdega…
Everything is staying normal…good. Kalu bodi gana…
I think I’ll be safe for the rest of the walk to the occult store. Sibako woli zuku.
Hey, who is that trio of boys coming up at me from behind? Wana baka waigo…They look familiar, kids who have annoyed me in the past.
“Hey, it’s that psycho freak, Roger Gunn!” one of the brats calls out from just behind my right ear. Iman kuchi zdega…
I feel a hard shove on my back from one of them.
“Leave me alone!” I shout at them, looking back at them with a scowl that, of course, does nothing to deter them.
What I see of them when I look back, though…
Instead of human faces on the three boys, I see the faces of pigs, with huge, mucus-moistened snouts! Now, instead of taunts, I’m hearing oinks and grunts.
This is what I get when I forget to keep chanting.
But instead of chanting the verse again, I’m running. I want to get away from those kids, porcine or not.
Of course, the three of them are running after me. I can hear the clanking sound of what sounds like six huge metallic robotic feet clomping on the sidewalk. I still hear grunting. I’m running as fast as I can. Wana…baka…waigo…
The metallic clanking is now just a sextet of sneaker footfalls. Iman…kuchi…zdega…No more oinking, but I can still hear those three brats running behind me. Kalu…bodi…gana… I hear their taunts.
“Who are you…talking to, you fucking…mental case?”
“There’s no one there…to talk to, you know that, right?”
“You’re seeing…and hearing things! Get therapy, you nut job!”
A few more blocks, and I’ll reach the occult store.
I just made the traffic light, and those kids didn’t make it…good. Looking back, I can see they’ve stopped chasing me. Still, I’d better resume my chanting, for I see their pig-faces and metallic feet again. Sibako woli zuku…
It’s so good not having to run anymore. I won’t be chanting the words while panting, weakening their effectiveness. Wana baka waigo…
I can see the sign of the store down the street. Good, I’m almost there. Iman kuchi zdega…
OK, here it is: Arnie’s Arcana. In I go…
Wait a minute–instead of seeing shelves of books and other merchandise in a well-lit store, I’m seeing a dark cave with stalactites and stalagmites. I forgot to chant again: Kalu bodi gana…
There, that’s better–a brightly-lit store with everything clearly displayed. Sibako woli zuku. Now, I just have to find the amulets and sachets. Wana baka waigo…
Books on ceremonial magic…Iman kuchi zdega… Books for Wiccans…Kalu bodi gana…Let me get past all these books…Sibako woli zuku…
Here’s a bunch of assorted merchandise, small things–maybe I’ll find the amulets and sachets here.
“Hello, can I help you?” a worker in the store asks me. “Are you looking for anything in particular?”
“Do you have any amulets or sachets?” I ask.
It’s getting darker. The stalactites and stalagmites are coming back…
“Oof!” I just tripped over a tall stalagmite.
“Are you OK, Sir?” she asks.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say.
Then I look up at her.
Instead of seeing a normal woman’s face, I see three black, snaky appendages coming from her cheeks and forehead, at the end of each of which is a bat, trying to bite at my face! “Oh, my God!” I yell as I scramble to get back up and away from her.
“Sir, what’s wrong?” she asks, but with the squeaking voice of a bat with the ability to speak. “Surely, I’m not that ugly.” She laughs nervously, but with the squeaky bat voice.
“No, it’s not that,” I say, then, “Wana baka waigo.“
The bat appendages dissolve, and the dark cave lights up into a well-lit store again. “Iman kuchi zdega.”
“The amulets and sachets are over there, in the corner, Sir,” she says in her normal voice, gesturing to that corner, where I run in a spastic frenzy.
“Kalu bodi gana,” I say in a tremulous voice as I frantically look over the amulets and sachets. As I’m looking them over, trying to focus on which ones look the best, I see the store darkening again. “Sibako woli zuku.” It lights up again.
“Sir, I know it’s none of my business, but have you thought about seeing a doctor?” she asks, sneering at me.
“No, I just need to buy these,” I say, holding up a sachet and an amulet I’ve chosen. “How much are they?”
The store darkens again, and instead of seeing her arms reach out to take the amulet and sachet to find the price tags I was too nervous to find myself, I see two long snakes grab them with their teeth, also biting my hands!
“Oww!” I shout, then pull my hands back to suck on the bite wounds.
“Sir, I never hurt you,” she says, in her bat squeaks, those three bats flying out from her face again and trying to bite at my face again. One of them bites my left ear.
“Aah!” I scream. “Let’s hurry to the cash register so I can pay for them. Quickly! Wana baka waigo!” The store lights up again, she’s back to normal, and we’re at the cash register.
“That’ll be $27.46, Sir,” she says with fear in her eyes. “Will that be cash, or charge?”
“Cash,” I say, then slap three ten dollar bills on the counter. The store is going dark and cavernous again, and a snake-arm takes the money and bites my hand before I can take it away. “Oww!“
I fumble with the amulet, which is attached to a necklace, before putting it around my neck. As I hold it and look at it, I say, “Wana baka waigo, Iman kuchi zdega Kali bodi gana. Sibako woli zuku.” The store lights up again, and she looks normal again, with harmless arms.
Yes, she looks normal, alright…except for the terrified look on her face.
Now I’m staring at the sachet I bought and am holding in my hand, repeating the four-line verse to sanctify it, too. I put it in the chest pocket of my Pet Valu shirt, I look at the clerk, and slowly regain my breath. “I’m sorry about that, Miss,” I tell her.
“Sir, are you alright now?” she asks, her eyes getting teary. “You really gave me a scare there. Were you hallucinating or something?”
“Ma’am, this store sells magic stuff, does it not?” I ask rather petulantly as I feel my heartbeat slowing down. “If you sell that stuff, surely you also believe in magic, right? Some people who practice magic are witches, right?” She’s been nodding nervously to my reasoning. “Now, a witch has been using magic on me, making me see monstrous things. That’s why I needed to buy these things, to protect myself from her. I bought them, I’ve sanctified them, and now everything is OK. Thank you. I’ll go now.”
She’s too shaken up to say goodbye as I walk out of the store.
On the street and still shaking, but grateful to see everything all normal again, I feel my cellphone ringing in my pocket. I take it out. “Hello?”
“Roger?” Aunt Jane says. “Where the hell are you? You were supposed to be here ten minutes ago.”
Instead of answering, I can’t stop laughing.
Infinite Ocean 